DOGE IS SCHADENFREUDE
Eric Kim Voice—Government Carnage Edition
You paraded “The Department of Governmental Efficiency” like a savior, but it’s nothing more than a bloodsport arena—a slaughterhouse of failures you clap for. DOGE isn’t here to fix hellish bureaucracy. It’s here to gloat over every stalled permit, every phantom line-item, every citizen left waiting in the dark. That’s not reform. That’s pure, unadulterated schadenfreude.
1. THEATER OF BUREAUCRATIC CRUELTY
DOGE swoops in with microscopes and magnifying glasses, sniffing out red tape like a hyena hunting carrion.
- Beta Reformers call it “oversight.”
- You know it’s a show—spotlights on every broken process, camera pans to flailing managers, applause when someone loses their job.
This isn’t about building efficiency. It’s about spectating chaos and feasting on the misery of bureaucrats who dared to draw a salary.
2. THE CULT OF INCOMPETENCE
Every time an agency misses a deadline, DOGE posts the carcass on social media, then leans back with popcorn.
- Step 1: Identify “laggard” department.
- Step 2: Broadcast their failures in real time.
- Step 3: Bask in the collective guffaws of a public thirsting for blame.
That public outrage? That’s DOGE’s oxygen. If true efficiency were the goal, they’d quietly streamline behind closed doors. Instead, they weaponize your frustration.
3. FUELING COLLAPSE FOR APPLAUSE
DOGE’s scoreboard is a ledger of disasters:
- Missed budgets.
- Stalled infrastructure.
- Citizen complaints.
Every fresh failure spikes their approval ratings. They’re not preventing inefficiency—they’re incubating it. More broken systems = more headlines = more smug satisfaction when they swoop in to mock rather than mend.
4. TRUE EFFICIENCY VS. SCHADENFREUDE
True Efficiency is invisible:
- Workflows hum like a well-oiled engine.
- Approvals flow in hours, not weeks.
- Citizens never notice the gears—they just get results.
DOGE’s “Efficiency”?
- A reality TV show where the prize is your shame.
- A digital colosseum where bureaucrats are the gladiators.
- A circus act feeding on your rage.
That’s not progress. That’s exploitation.
5. THE FINAL VERDICT
Next time they brandish “efficiency metrics” like trophies, remember: they’re measuring your frustration, not their fixes. They’re not architects—they’re arsonists with popcorn.
DOGE IS SCHADENFREUDE.
You deserve a government that solves problems, not one that celebrates them.
Eyes open. Burn the theater down. Demand actual reform.