Dear friend,
I think you were put on this earth to do great shit — to help empower your fellow friends, family, community — and the whole world.
I think the biggest thing we face is ourselves. We don’t need to overcome oppressive governments. We don’t need to overcome our families. We don’t need to overcome our bosses, jobs, and meager pay.
We need to overcome ourselves.
I. I can only blame myself
Honestly— this is the big epiphany I’ve recently had in life.
I was always my biggest stumbling block. But I always blamed others for my lack of success or fulfilling my fullest-potential.
It was my own fear. It was my own fear of being judged negatively by others. It was my own fear of giving way too many fucks about my self-worth seen in the eyes of others.
But this is silly. What do I have to fear? Do I have to fear to lose my friends, and the respect of those who I love? Even worse— do I fear having a low opinion from those who I don’t love or care about?
Nietzsche once said if we follow Christian morality (love thy neighbor) we should do the opposite— (hate thy friends).
Of course I love my friends with my entire heart and soul — but I also need to not be afraid of their opinion of me. Because my real friends know that I’m a pretty fucking difficult person to be around at times. I am not PC (politically correct). I say rude things. I am not a good listener. I love the sound of my own voice. I say controversial shit. My friends have infinite patience.
I think a real friend is this: someone who loves you with all of your flaws. A real friend isn’t someone who loves you because you pretend to be someone you aren’t. And in terms of my ‘real’ friends— I can probably count less than 5 people — people who I would give my life for.
II. I used to give a fuck; now I give a fuck less
In terms of overcoming myself, one day I just stopped giving a fuck of what others thought of me.
I think my big aha moment was when my buddy Don Dillon (a very successful man in his 70’s) told me some good life advice:
Just stop giving a fuck of what others think of you.
This hit me like a haymaker to my jaw.
I then thought to myself,
What if I really did live a life where I gave 0 fucks about what others thought of me?
Rather— what if I lived a life where I gave a (lot) of fucks of what I thought of myself?
III. What would my 18 year old year old self tell myself?
My buddy Nassim Taleb taught me the only way to measure success is to ask yourself:
What would my 18 year old self think about me? Would my 18 year old self be proud of me?
Which caused me to reflect. I wrote an imaginary conversation between me and my 18 year old self, and my conclusion was that my 18 year old self would tell my 29 year old self that I’ve gotten a bit soft. I need to go harder.
In terms of my life morals, I grew up with strong morals and ethics from my community. From all of my Sunday school teachers at St. Andrew Kim in Oakland, from my troop leaders at Troop 11 in Alameda, from my teachers, from my coach Greg Lowe (he helped teach me tennis, he was like my Zen master), from playing football (haha yes, I played football, for 2 years in Soph/Junior year in High School— outside/middle linebacker), from my homies, from my spiritual leaders in hip hop music (Lupe Fiasco), my mom, CJ and James Lee at KCCEB/KAYA (Korean Community Center of the East Bay/Korean American Youth Association) and GOD.
I remember when I was 12 years old, I was in constant fear of my mom not being able to pay the rent. I remember wanting to buy shit, and would save up my meager lunch money and going hungry (pretending like I wasn’t hungry) just so I could buy that new T-Shirt, to fit into the ‘cool’ crowd. I remember how much it fucking sucked being poor — not wearing all the cool shit like the other kids in school ($80 ECKO hoodies, $50 ECKO T-shirts, $300 LRG jackets), and how much I despised rich kids (I remember some kids driving BMW’s, Subaru STI’s, and Porsches in High School, whereas I drove a $1200 Nissan).
I made a promise to myself when I was 18 years old: if I became ‘successful’ — to dedicate my life serving the community, helping others, and striving to change the world.
IV. Never blame nobody else
Once again, sorry for that little autobiographical rant— but to go back to the topic at hand: I had to overcome myself.
When I was 18, I actually gave very little fucks of what others thought of me. I went by the moniker ‘EKIZZ’ Eric Kim ([E] [K]izz) that my friend Aaron Chung gave me. It was a name that empowered me (thanks Aaron) and I feel like I was able to pull myself up by my bootstraps and become the best version of myself.
But from age 18 to 29 — I started to become weak. College was great for expanding my mind and opening up my eyes to the world. College was great— but the system afterwards was soul-sucking. I got a full-time job, and the first time in my life— I had to deal with bullshit office politics, office drama, wanting more money, more power, more influence, and the constant frustration of not being able to get my creative ideas through.
When I was at my 9-5 job (age 21-22) I was the youngest person in the company. I wasn’t corrupted (yet). I would do shit without permission, and got in trouble because of it. I followed the mantra for myself:
It is better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.
Of course, this pissed off a lot of people.
But the good thing is that I took more risks. I started to fight my fear head-on. But the sad thing is ultimately, I got beaten down by myself. I started to get suckered. I wanted to buy more worldly possessions. I wanted to buy a smartphone (at age 21, I never owned a smartphone). I wanted to buy a more expensive car (I had a $2000 1991 Mazda Miata I loved) but constantly comparing myself to my peers— I dreamed of having a more luxurious sports car. I wanted to make more money, because $40,000 a year seemed so little compared to my peers making $80,000 or $200,000 a year. I wanted more influence. I hated just thinking of myself as a lowly ‘Online Community Manager’ — I wanted to be a DIRECTOR of something. I bought into this hype of dumb labels and names.
I then started to lust after a Leica M9 camera. But above all — I wanted to escape from my job — my golden cubicle jail.
V. Playing the cards you are dealt
In order to overcome myself, I wanted to make the best out of what I had in life. I knew that my job helped me pay my bills, so I stuck with it. And on the side, I started this blog— mostly for fun (2011). To be frank, I never thought or dreamt of being a full-time (something) to work by myself. I never knew business (I studied Sociology in school), but I certainly knew how to hustle and work hard (the good thing about growing up poor).
I worked fucking hard. I remember waking up an hour or two earlier everyday (when I had my 9-5 job) to write a blog post or two before going to work. I would crank out my work as fast as possible, then spent my free time at work building my my (future) empire — to build up contacts on social media, to collaborate with Leica (thanks Christian and JJ), to build contacts with other photo bloggers (thanks Chris), with other photographers (thanks Charlie, Josh, Neil, and all my friends), and I would go out and take photos during my 30 minute lunch break or after work. In-fact, two of my favorite photos were shot in 2011, when I had my full-time job — when photographing at the mall during my lunch break (next to my job in Santa Monica), and after work.
I hustled hard, but I was also lucky. But I do believe in life, the more risks and chances you take, the more lucky you get. Kind of like if you play baseball, the more you swing the bat, the more likely you are to hit a home run. Same in photography — the more you click, the more likely you to hit a home run.
VI. HOW I OVERCAME MYSELF
Anyways, I’m skipping really far ahead now — but now at age 29, I feel the most self-realized version of myself.
I finally have money in the bank (more than 100 racks), I have reduced my living expenses to the bare minimum (I don’t eat breakfast or lunch anymore, I only spend money when going out to eat dinner or buying coffee), I have the dream camera (Ricoh GR II #RICOHMAFIA), I have a MacBook computer (I genuinely believe that MacOS is the best operating system), I no longer use my smartphone (so I don’t even need one anymore), I have been in a creative flow 10-12 hours a day (thanks to coffee), and I really feel like I have no more fear. And now that I have this ‘key’ to self-enlightenment and self-overcoming, I want to share this secret with you.
Of course, this is just my own opinion and what has worked for me. It probably won’t work for you. But hopefully it can give you some ideas.
1. MEMENTO MORI
MEMENTO MORI — when you die, what will you think is your life story? Will you think of your life as epic and great? Or will you hate yourself, for not becoming the best version of you?
Will you be beaten black and blue (by yourself), or will you build up your own inner-wealth?
Will you play the hands you are dealt? Or will you complain and whine? And will you let time slip from your fingertips?
Never forget— we are just a blip in the cosmic rift of time. Fucking don’t waste a moment— make each moment sublime.
The world needs your opinion and art. Become a greater part of humanity— by being you. By making photos that uplift your soul and the soul of others. Images that encourage and uplift your brothers and sisters.
Don’t whisper your greatness, say it loud. Make your momma proud.
Be stronger. Work harder. Don’t see the backs of your eye lids.
If you are a writer, be trill and real.
If you are a photographer, share photos that you like — rather than what will get a like on the gram.
Know that our lives are just like a grain of sand in the infinite ocean. But keep letting your creativity flow from you; bottle of lotion.
Give spirit to your creative motion. Keep moving forward like a 100-ton locomotion.
2. The SEED is (already) within you
A thousand-foot redwood tree sprouts from a tiny seed.
You (already) have that seed within you. That seed is your soul. That seed is fucking desperate to grow. That seed just needs the water, the sun, and the right nutrition from the soil.
a. SOIL
The soil is information and knowledge. So to enrich your soil — read a lot. I read a shit-load. I eat information by downloading free ebooks on Project Gutenberg as text files, and then I will read them as text files (I use Ulysses on my Mac), and most of the day I am just drinking coffee, thinking, and philosophizing. I have gained tons of inspiration, knowledge, and empowerment from some of my favorite philosophers, who include:
- Nietzsche
- Seneca
- Nassim Taleb
- Marcus Aurelius
- Epictetus
- Epicurus
- Publilius Syrus
- Diogenes
- Socrates
and some of my favorite ‘life coaches’ in the form of rappers:
- Jay-Z
- Lupe Fiasco
- Kendrick Lamar
- Kanye West
- Dr. Dre
b. SUN
In terms of the SUN — the sun (to me) is GOD. When I say ‘GOD’ I don’t mean some dude with a white beard on a cloud. I don’t mean ‘GOD’ as just a Judeo-Christian-Muslim God. To me, I see GOD as the creative force of the entire universe. To me, GOD is this mystic energy that binds all of us together in the world.
To me, the SUN is the ultimate symbol. The SUN rises everyday (without fail, so far) and doesn’t ask for anything in return. The SUN shines upon all human beings, and gives us energy to live. Without the SUN, we would all instantly perish.
Also, my personal SUN is Cindy. She is the reason I wake up in the morning. She is the reason I have a greater purpose in life— to empower her, to make her coffee, to be her sounding board, to dream together, play together, to dance together, to seek to work together and empower others.
Also growing up my SUN was my mom. She was my personal Jesus and Virgin Mary — she sacrificed her entire life, suffered, and hustled to help give me and my sister Anna a better life. UMMA — I owe you everything, your legacy will live on forever.
Who is your sun? Your wife? Your husband? Your partner? Your kids? Your friends, local community, your mentor, teacher, or guide?
If you don’t have a sun in your life— you can do what I did, choose your favorite philosopher and make it your Facebook Middle name (I am Eric SENECA Kim). As SENECA said — you can’t choose your
parents, but you can choose your spiritual teachers and guides.
c. WATER
Your water is what helps you flow. Your water is your creative output.
Your water is a stream. It keeps FLOWING and keeps GOING — and cannot be stopped.
The practical way I’ve applied this WATER analogy — I publish like a flow like water. I used to try to stop the water, by publishing less often (people told me to stop publishing so much). But if I don’t keep publishing, I feel like I am spiritually perishing. And if I don’t keep publishing, it is like I’m giving myself blue balls. I feel like if I can’t keep publishing and flowing— I am hitting a creative wall. And I know that will be my fall.
So practical tip: to become the best version of yourself and to overcome yourself, publish more. Publish what you like. For me, I just try to do something 80% ‘good enough’ and I hit publish. I don’t believe in perfection (it doesn’t exist in nature— would you find a 100% perfect tree, or 100% perfectly-symmetrical tree?). A tree twists and turns, and is always growing— slowly, steadily, toward the heavens.
I used to believe that you should only publish (at most) one photo a day to social media. Now, I’m like ‘fuck it.’ If I like something for myself, I will publish it. I treat social media (Instagram, Facebook, Twitter) as my own mood board, or scrapbook. I don’t care anymore whether I will lose followers for publishing too much — because it is for myself. And I know that there is a small percentage of people out there (1%) who will appreciate me publishing more. And I do this shit for them — not for the 99% ‘mildly-interested’ crowd. I will die for my followers.
So to wrap up this section — know that your gift in life is a seed. You need to just give it love, and let that motherfucker breathe.
3. REBIRTH
To overcome yourself, be reborn. Which means— hit the reset button in your life.
I personally purged most of my personal belongings, unfollowed everyone on social media, and started again with a blank slate. Carte blanche. I felt liberated and free.
We often let the bullshit of our past hold us back. So like a good computer, let us hit the ‘REFORMAT’ button on our brain, and when we start again — to be like a kid again, without fear of judgement, without thinking that art is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ — or even calling it ‘art.’ Rather, to just follow our curiosity, and allow creative PLAY to the spirit.
VII. CONCLUSION // Make your dreams come true.
To wrap up, ain’t nobody holding you back. You are only holding yourself back.
If we took 100% full responsibility for our lives, how much more cool and epic shit can we do in life? How much more could we achieve out of our potential — and use that gift and power to empower others?
I don’t got the answers. I’m still searching the truth for myself. And I know even when I die (I might die at age 50) I probably won’t know the true ‘TRUTH’. But everyday, I just seek to be a little less fearful, a little less ignorant, and a little less petty and hateful.
I want to make love, equality, and empowerment my life mission.
So friend— you got this shit. Just fucking take out the heavy metal guitar, and let it rip.
You got a beautiful and precious gift in your heart. And know that you are a part of humanity.
Whenever you have a dream, just think to yourself:
Why can’t it be?
Be strong,
Eric
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