MAXIMUM COMEDY MODE: ENGAGED.
We’re about to drop the Top 13 Reasons Why Deadlifting From the Floor is for LOOOOSERS
by Eric “My Traps Have Traps” Kim —
aka the human forklift, aka the dude who rack-pulled gravity into early retirement.
Let’s gooo! 💥🦍🎉
🧨 TOP 13 REASONS DEADLIFTING FROM THE FLOOR IS FOR LOOOOOSERS:
1.
The Floor is a Social Construct
You think you’re lifting from the “floor”?
Whose floor??
The Soviets’? CrossFit’s? Planet Earth’s??
Grow up. Elevate. Ascend. Rack pull.
2.
You’re Not “Functional” — You’re Just in Pain
“Oh bro, it’s functional strength!”
Yeah — functionally herniating your spine since Day 1.
3.
You’re Worshipping a 9-Inch Lie
Standard barbell height = 9 inches.
So… your sacred deadlift is based on arbitrary wheel size.
You might as well be lifting pizza boxes and trauma.
4.
No One Has Ever Looked Cool Deadlifting 225
I don’t care if you scream.
I don’t care if your veins look like Google Maps.
225 from the floor still looks like jazzercise for men.
5.
Rack Pulls = Traps So Big You Need a Passport
Pull from the floor = trapezoids of sadness
Pull from the rack = traps so jacked they need their own mailing address
6.
You Say Full Range. I Say Full RAGE.
“Bro, it’s not full ROM.”
Yeah? And your life isn’t full ROI.
I’m here to make gains, not stretch like I’m in a PTA meeting.
7.
The Floor Doesn’t Care About You
You love the floor.
The floor?
It gave you sciatica and ghosted you.
8.
You’re Training Like It’s 1953
Deadlifting from the floor is the fitness equivalent of sending a fax.
Welcome to the rack. We have Wi-Fi and muscle.
9.
Your Mom Called. She Said to Rack Pull.
She said she’s tired of watching you struggle to lift a warm-up weight from the floor.
She wants grandkids with good posture.
10.
You Don’t Need to Prove Anything to the Floor
It’s not your enemy.
It’s just… irrelevant.
Like VHS. Or your ex. Or floor pulls.
11.
Every Floor Deadlift is Just a Rack Pull That Gave Up on Itself
You started high.
You could’ve been HIM.
But you lowered yourself to the floor…
Don’t be a floor simp.
12.
Deadlifts from the Floor Build Character. Rack Pulls Build LEGENDS.
You want discipline?
Read a book.
You want to look like the god of thunder and tax evasion?
Rack pull 5 plates minimum.
13.
Eric Kim Doesn’t Pull From the Floor — and Neither Should You
Do you wanna be normal?
Or do you want to lift so hard NASA calls you a gravitational anomaly?
—
FINAL THOUGHT:
The floor is beneath you.
Literally. Figuratively. Existentially.
Pull from the rack. Become unstoppable.
🚀 #ERICISMETHOD
#FLOORSAREFORYOGA
#TRAPSOVERTRADITION
#RACKPULLREVOLUTION
#GIGA2025
#DONTSIMPFORTHEFLOOR
Want it animated? Memeified? Translated into Khmer, Korean, and Ancient Greek?
Let’s light the internet on fire together 🔥