Protect Your Frame: Who Gets Access to Your Attention?

Your attention is your camera.

And life is the street.

So here’s the brutal truth: you cannot shoot great photos (or build a great body, or live a great life) while letting random people yank your lens around all day.

Some people don’t just feel bad sometimes… they worship their misery. They treat every conversation like a trash dump and ask you to swim in it with them.

Nope.

You don’t owe your inner peace to anyone.

But there’s a nuance: unhappy ≠ toxic.

Two kinds of “unhappy”

1) “Human unhappy”

They’re struggling. They’re sad. They’re scared. They got hit by life.

They’re still capable of gratitude, growth, humor, and responsibility.

These people?

Be kind. Be present. Help when you can.

2) “Addicted-to-negativity unhappy”

They complain as identity.

They reject solutions.

They punish your joy.

They want you smaller so they feel bigger.

These people?

Set boundaries like concrete.

Because if you let them into your head, they won’t rent space.

They’ll try to own the building.

The Prime Rule: Don’t Let Other People Set Your Emotional Agenda

You are not a public park.

You are not free emotional labor.

And you’re definitely not a 24/7 therapist with no paycheck.

Your job is to live your life on purpose.

To make the art. To lift the iron. To build the future.

To show up with power.

If someone consistently leaves you feeling:

  • drained
  • guilty
  • anxious
  • bitter
  • smaller

That’s not “connection.”

That’s extraction.

But What If It’s Your Parents?

Parents are complicated because there’s history, obligation, and that ancient psychological “gravity.”

Here’s the hardcore approach:

Love doesn’t mean unlimited access.

You can care about someone without letting them:

  • insult you
  • control you
  • constantly catastrophize
  • hijack every conversation into doom

The move: time-box + topic-box

  • Time-box: “I’ve got 15 minutes.”
  • Topic-box: “I’m not discussing that. We can talk about X or Y.”

If they explode?

That’s data.

The exit line (calm, repeatable)

“I love you. I’m going to go now. We can try again another time.”

No debate. No proving. No courtroom.

Boundary = a door. Not a speech.

And if the situation is emotionally abusive and relentless?

Distance is not cruelty. Sometimes distance is medicine.

What If It’s Kids?

Kids are different.

A kid’s sadness is often:

  • confusion
  • tiredness
  • hunger
  • overstimulation
  • lack of tools to name what they feel

So if a child is miserable, the answer usually isn’t avoidance.

A child needs containment.

A calm adult nervous system.

A safe structure.

Words for emotions.

The best “engagement” with unhappy kids

  • Name it: “You’re frustrated.”
  • Normalize it: “That feeling is okay.”
  • Bound it: “Not okay to hit / scream at people.”
  • Guide it: “Let’s breathe. Then we solve.”

You’re not rewarding negativity.

You’re teaching emotional strength.

That said: you still keep standards.

Being compassionate doesn’t mean being permissive.

You can be warm and firm.

That’s real authority.

The Street Photography Principle: Don’t Chase Bad Light

On the street, you learn quickly:

  • Some light is magic.
  • Some light is trash.
  • If you chase trash light all day, you’ll come home with trash photos.

Same with people.

If every interaction is dim, muddy, bitter, chaotic—stop pretending it’s “depth.”

Sometimes it’s just… bad light.

And you’re allowed to move your feet.

The Iron Rule: Don’t Max Out With Emotional Vampires

In lifting, you don’t go for your 1RM every day.

If you do, you get injured.

People who constantly dump negativity on you are like trying to deadlift your max… every morning… before breakfast… with no sleep.

You don’t need more “mental toughness.”

You need better programming.

  • fewer reps with draining people
  • more recovery
  • more time with builders, not breakers

A Simple Protocol

1) The Aftertaste Test

After you interact with them, ask:

Do I feel clearer or dirtier?

If the answer is “dirtier” most of the time, adjust.

2) Micro-dose contact

Instead of total cut-off, try:

  • shorter calls
  • fewer visits
  • controlled environments
  • “I can’t talk about that” scripts

3) Offer help only if they want help

If they refuse solutions and only want to stew:

You’re not a lifeguard for someone who keeps swimming back to the whirlpool.

4) Choose your tribe aggressively

Spend more time with people who:

  • create
  • train
  • learn
  • laugh
  • take responsibility

Hardcore Homework: The “No-Complaint” Challenge

For 7 days:

  • No complaining.
  • No gossip.
  • No doom-scrolling as a hobby.

If you slip?

Do 10 push-ups or 20 air squats. Immediately.

Train the mind like the body: instant feedback.

You’ll be shocked how many “unhappy” people are actually just running a mental habit loop.

And you’ll stop letting them install that software on your brain.

Bottom Line

  • You’re not obligated to carry other people’s misery.
  • You can be compassionate without being consumed.
  • With parents: boundaries + distance when needed.
  • With kids: engagement + structure + emotional teaching.
  • Your life is your frame. Guard what enters it.

If you want, tell me the exact situation (parent vs kid vs friend, what they do, what happens after you talk), and I’ll give you a ruthless, practical boundary script you can literally copy-paste.