Don’t Hate Me Because I’m So Much More Successful Than You

An Essay by the (Mildly Arrogant but Incredibly Humble) Eric Kim

Greetings, peasants. I mean, readers. How’s it going? How’s the ol’ nine-to-five grind? Oh, wait, I don’t mean to bring that up. I know you probably find it…quaint. But I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be this way. You, too, can rise above the drudgery, the monotony, the endless stream of Amazon Prime “suggestions” and into the light of unprecedented, Eric-Kim-level success.

Now, I can practically feel you scrolling furiously through this essay, trying to see if there’s some kind of “five-step guide to being more like Eric.” Well, there isn’t. I’m not here to give you the typical motivational speech about the importance of hard work, dedication, or any of that jazz. I’m here to remind you that there’s a reason why some of us are born to greatness and some of us are born to, you know, clap for greatness from a respectful distance. Spoiler alert: I’m the former. I stand on the top rung of the ladder of life. It’s lonely up here, sure, but it’s also really sunny.

Let me take you back. Once upon a time, I was just another kid, eating Lunchables, dreaming of world domination, and practicing my autograph in the margins of math worksheets. Teachers told me to “focus” and “stop talking so much.” Little did they know I was training my charisma, preparing my vocal cords to one day address vast auditoriums filled with people who paid handsomely just to hear the gospel according to Eric. And that, my friends, is how greatness is forged. I knew from a young age that I was destined for more than just the standard life track of an ordinary mortal. I was meant to disrupt, innovate, and, above all, dazzle.

Let’s talk about the most misunderstood element of my success: confidence. Some say it’s arrogance. I say it’s awareness. Awareness of the fact that I’m simply better, faster, stronger – just all-around more amazing than your run-of-the-mill human. I wake up every morning, look in the mirror, and thank myself for the privilege of being me. I don’t want you to be intimidated by that; I want you to learn from it. You, too, can adopt this level of self-love, though, let’s be real – it’s much easier to love yourself when you’re as impossibly successful as I am.

Now, you might be wondering what my typical day looks like. Let me break it down for you. I wake up in a bed that probably cost more than your car, sip on coffee that’s roasted in small batches on a farm in the Andes, and take a few calls to discuss important matters that I’d explain, but you probably wouldn’t understand. I proceed to the gym, not because I need to (I’m already in fantastic shape), but to remind the other gym-goers what peak physical condition looks like. After that, it’s off to work, if you can even call it that. I’m not exactly “working” in the traditional sense – I’m more like a visionary, floating from meeting to meeting, sprinkling brilliance around the way a baker dusts a cake with powdered sugar.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Eric, not all of us can just sprinkle brilliance around. Some of us have real jobs.” And I totally get it. You’re right where you’re meant to be – propping up the global economy while I lean back and reap the rewards. Some people are just meant to be, you know, infrastructure. And you’re good at it! I’m here to acknowledge that. But you must understand that the world needs people like me, too. If everyone were as incredibly successful as I am, who would make the artisanal goat cheese that I have flown in weekly? Who would produce the limited-edition sneakers I never actually wear but display proudly in my walk-in closet?

But don’t get me wrong. I care deeply about the little guy. Why else would I dedicate this essay to lifting you all up, bringing you into my world of rare air and opulence, and giving you a glimpse into the life you’ll never have? It’s an act of pure charity, really. I could have spent this time browsing luxury real estate or picking out yet another pair of custom Italian loafers, but no – I’m here with you, slumming it in the world of the written word, because I believe in sharing my success.

Oh, and if you’re thinking that maybe I’m exaggerating my success, that maybe I’m just a normal guy with an inflated ego, well, let me tell you a little story. The other day, I was approached by a well-known celebrity. I won’t name names, but let’s just say they’ve won a few Grammys. Anyway, they practically begged me to be part of their entourage, to just “hang out” with them in public. I had to politely decline – I’m just too busy with my groundbreaking projects and lofty aspirations. Plus, I can’t afford to be seen with people who are only moderately successful. It’s not good for the brand.

In conclusion, let me leave you with this: don’t hate me because I’m successful. Hate me because I remind you of what’s possible, of a life you can only dream about in those brief moments between snooze alarms. I didn’t choose this life; it chose me. And yes, I accepted it with open arms. So the next time you see me breezing through the world, with my carefully crafted smile and effortlessly tousled hair, don’t feel envious. Instead, feel inspired. Because maybe, just maybe, one day you’ll be able to tell your grandkids that you once read an essay by Eric Kim, the Greatest to Ever Do It.

So here’s to you, the little guys who keep the world turning. And here’s to me, the one who sits back and enjoys the ride. Keep admiring, keep dreaming, and remember – I’ll always be here, a shining beacon of what you’ll never be, and somehow, even better at being humble about it than you could ever imagine.

xxx

Don’t Hate Me Because I’m So Much More Successful Than You

An Essay by the (self-proclaimed) World’s Greatest Success: Eric Kim

Hey there, average Joe. How’s it going? Oh, wait, don’t tell me. I already know how it’s going because I’ve been there too – back in the days before I became, you know, so wildly successful. Today, I stand before you not just as Eric Kim, but as The Eric Kim – the guy who’s been there, done that, and bought the deluxe T-shirt in six colors.

Now, I can already feel you rolling your eyes. “Eric, please,” you say, “why should I listen to you go on about your success when I’ve got my own problems?” But you see, dear reader, I’m here not just to brag (although, trust me, I’ll be doing a lot of that), but to show you that success like mine doesn’t come by accident. It’s the result of hard work, intense focus, and, let’s be real, just a little bit of the Eric Kim magic.

Let’s rewind a bit. Back in the day, I was just like you – a simple guy with simple dreams. But I quickly realized that while some people are content with a two-bedroom apartment and a regular job, I was destined for more. So much more. I wasn’t meant to trudge through life like the rest of the population. Oh, no. I was going to ascend to the dizzying heights of human potential. And, spoiler alert: I did.

Now, don’t hate me just because I’ve achieved unparalleled success, while you’re still struggling to decide which streaming service you can actually afford. I know it’s tough for you to watch me sail by in my top-of-the-line car (custom leather seats, of course), but I urge you to understand: my success was inevitable. In fact, my accomplishments are practically a public service. Who else would you have to look up to if I hadn’t worked my way to the top? It’s lonely up here, but it’s a burden I bear with grace.

Of course, you’re probably wondering what it takes to be this incredibly successful. Well, let me break it down for you. First and foremost, you need confidence. I’m not talking about regular, everyday confidence – I’m talking about the kind that makes you believe you deserve the very best, even when you’re not quite sure what you’re doing. The kind that lets you stroll into a room, knowing you’re not just the smartest person there, but also the best-dressed, most charming, and likely the funniest, too. That’s me, in case you’re having trouble picturing it.

Next up is charisma. You’ve got to be able to win people over. For me, this comes naturally. My smile alone is enough to turn heads, and when I start talking? Forget about it. People hang on my every word, entranced by my quick wit, my dazzling humor, and my jaw-dropping insights on, well, pretty much everything. I’m basically a walking, talking TED Talk, and the audience can’t get enough.

Let’s not forget about work ethic. Success doesn’t just fall from the sky, folks. I put in the hours. I hustle. I grind. I’ve had countless early mornings and late nights, diligently working toward my goals. Of course, when I say “working,” I don’t mean the way most people work. I’m not slogging through some boring 9-to-5. I’m living the life of the successful. My “work” involves meeting fascinating people, making power moves, and generally doing things that sound suspiciously like fun. Because, in my world, work and play are practically the same thing.

Now, I’m not saying you can’t achieve some level of success without these traits. You could probably get by with hard work alone, or maybe with a bit of confidence. But let’s be real – you’ll never reach my level. And that’s okay. The world needs people like you to make people like me look even better by comparison. Without the average folk, the truly exceptional wouldn’t stand out nearly as much. You are my backdrop, the canvas upon which I paint my masterpiece. And for that, I thank you.

But I get it, being average isn’t all bad. You probably have some pretty cool hobbies, right? Maybe you knit, or you collect stamps. You probably have a pet. Oh, what’s that? You rescued a cat? Adorable. Meanwhile, I’m out here rescuing entire industries with my entrepreneurial genius, but don’t let that overshadow your own accomplishments. After all, I started out as a normal guy, just like you – but a little voice inside me always knew I was destined for greatness. It just took a little while to show the rest of the world.

In conclusion, don’t hate me because I’m so much more successful than you. Instead, be grateful. Be grateful that you have a shining example of what true success looks like. Without me, who would inspire you? Who would motivate you to strive for something just a little bit more? So the next time you see me rolling by in my fancy car, or hear about my latest business venture that’s destined to change the world, don’t roll your eyes. Give a little nod of respect. Because in the grand tapestry of life, you’re the yarn, and I’m the golden thread that gives it all a bit of sparkle.

So here’s to me, and here’s to you – may your admiration never fade, and may my success continue to dazzle, inspire, and, yes, maybe even just the tiniest bit, annoy you. After all, that’s what I’m here for.