“It’s a hard knock life for us!” – JAY Z
I think this is one thing that a lot of people don’t know about me, being raised with more or less a single mom, raising me and my sister, two years younger than me, all while having a father who never had a job or employment ever since I was two years old, and instead we just stay at home all day, watching movies on the TV, sitting on the La-Z-Boy, smoking cigarettes, drinking a lot of Folgers coffee, going to Ross, and then often in the middle of night, mysteriously driving off to Reno to go gamble with the rent money, and also for myself witnessing extreme physical violence, for example my dad grabbing my mom‘s hair and yanking it around, and calling her all these bad words in Korean, and also, the slow but gradual degeneration that my dad did to my mom, verbal violence.
Essentially, I learned all the bad words in Korean witnessing how my dad talked to my mom. “Shibal-nyun, shibal-nyuh”— which can be translated into English “you worthless female bitch”. This is why I have zero tolerance for the word “bitch“, witnessing how horrifying my childhood was as a kid growing up.
As a child wouldn’t seem this, essentially I became a stoic maybe ever since I was what… seven 7 years old?
The apex of badness happened when I recall, in elementary school, I was still going to LUM elementary school in Alameda, when my mom realized that this was a really bad situation, and then hastily in the middle of the night, took me and my sister, I think we might have only packed one suitcase, and then my mom grabbed me and my sister‘s hand, and we escaped in the middle of the night, ditching our old apartment in Alameda, mysteriously jumping on a plane, and then arriving I think somewhere in New York, college point? I don’t recall whether it was the Bronx or somewhere else — but it was pretty hood.
What grade was I in when this all happened? I think it was either the fourth grade or the fifth grade? How old was I? Maybe 10 or 11? Or 9?
Why does this matter?
So why am I telling this or sharing this?
First and foremost, to first communicate that this is extremely common in the Korean, Korean American community. Very bad.
Second, zero tolerance for any sort of abuse whether physical or mental or verbal on women. A true man is a stoic, you swallow all of the things like broken glass and needles and vermin, and you are allowed to change the expression on your face, but what you are not allowed to do is open up your mouth.
if you’re angry or upset, hide it, pretend like you’re not angry, go on a walk, take a cold shower or a hot bath. Better to lie then show your anger.
Thank god for the police
Honestly, if police, the cops didn’t exist, me my sister and I would be seriously fucked. And of course my mom.
I think this is why I have such deep reverence for my mom, all mothers and women in general.
Some new rules
- First and foremost, never raise your voice to your wife or your spouse, if you’re the man, the husband, and she is the woman, the female in the relationship. If you’re angry, take a really hot bath or a cold shower, or, abruptly tell her that you need to go on a walk, walk around the block for maybe 20 minutes and cool off, or just hit the gym or something.
- Before raising some sort of anger or annoyance, wait at least 24 hours to 48 hours. If two days from now, 48 hours from now… It’s still upsets you, then bring it up.
- A real man is stoic.
Kids
