Nowadays everyone lacks confidence. We lack confidence in expressing ourselves. We lack confidence in taking photos of strangers. We lack confidence in publishing our work, and promoting ourselves. We are afraid of being judged, criticized, and made fun of.
What if we could build a steel spine — that would make us impervious to all sorts of criticism, fear, and anxiety (kind of like Wolverine). How could we make ourselves re-generate after every single downturn, negative experience, or shitty happening?
I don’t have the answers, but this is what works for me:
1. Imagine the worst-case scenario possible
Whenever I feel anxious, nervous, or fear — I try to vividly imagine the worst-case scenario possible. Then I estimate my own reaction to the worst-case scenario. And often, it isn’t as bad as I think it is.
If you always prepare yourself for the worst-case scenario, you will never be afraid — because you expected it already.
And in most cases, the worst-case scenario never happens. Then because you have mentally-adjusted to the worst-case scenario, you feel joy.
2. Don’t be afraid of physical pain
On occasion, I fast from eating food (18-24 hours), I take ice-cold showers (even in the winter), and I put my body through physical pain (from strenuous exercise, like powerlifting heavy objects).
As human beings, we are naturally averse to physical pain. After all, that is what has kept us alive for millennia.
Yet if you’re able to build an endurance against physical pain (whether cold, hunger, or muscular strain) — you will become stronger. You will still feel some physical pain — but you won’t be afraid of it. Not only that, but you will become physically stronger— and the pain won’t feel so bad.
I used to be a baby — I needed to eat every 2-3 hours. Now I am more resistant to going a long period without eating (I usually only try to eat once or twice a day). Now I am no longer a slave to eating on a regular schedule.
I’m also not so afraid of getting physically beat up — because I boxed with my friends a lot when I was in high school. I got knocked unconscious a few times, and got a few concussions. And physical pain isn’t as bad we think it is.
Think of how you can physically toughen yourself up. Try to take an icy-cold shower, travel in uncomfortable situations, or bear the headache that comes with not consuming caffeine for 24 hours (without taking pain killers).
Without the fear of mental and physical pain — what do you really have to fear?
3. Don’t hope
This is one tip I got from the Stoic philosophers— two things which cause us mental anxiety and pain is that we are afraid of things, and that we hope for things.
Obviously being afraid of things will cause us anxiety.
But on the flip side, hoping for things will also cause us pain, anxiety, and fear.
Why? Because whenever we hope for something (hope for appraisal from our boss, hope to earn more money, hope to get a raise, hope to find a beautiful life partner, hope to have well-adjusted kids, hope to be healthy) — we become slaves to external circumstances. And by hoping for things— we are in a constant state of tension.
Try as an experiment to not hope for anything for a week or a month. I can guarantee you that you will be a lot more confident, self-assured, and less afraid.
Another tool you can add to build your steel spine.
4. Disconnect your ego from your body
A mental exercise that I do is to disconnect my mind, soul, and ego from my body.
I don’t think that our mind and concept of “self” can exist outside of our brain (or body). Therefore, all the fear, anxiety, and dreads that I have in my life only exist in my brain.
What if I disconnected my ego from my brain? Would I really have anything to fear?
My visual exercise is this: I see my soul and ego detaching from my body, and hovering over my body from a birds-eye view (or third-person perspective). Suddenly, all my hopes, dreams, anxieties, fears, and worries seem to go away. I realize how insignificant they are.
There are several billions of people on this earth, and I am just one of those several billion people. I don’t matter so much. I take up so little physical space. Yet I want to control the world, have all the power and privilege for myself.
This has helped me not take myself so seriously (in terms of my needs, my ego, and my wants/desires). But the upside is that I take my work more seriously — my work to help motivate, uplift, and encourage others.
What if we no longer had a concept of “self” — and we never felt insulted when others made fun of us? What if we no longer feared whether we could afford to pay the rent or not? What if we no longer had any unnatural desires?
How much more physical energy and mental energy could we have to do our creative work, and uplift those around us?
5. Do what we’re afraid of
The last thing — we try to avoid what we’re afraid of. We’re afraid of taking photos of strangers, asking that person on a date, or starting a new business venture. Fear is what paralyzes us.
What if we did the opposite? What if we did what we were afraid of? What if we only took photos of people or scenes that scared us? What if we only had social interactions with those who made us feel nervous or uncomfortable? What if we only partook in business or art ventures that made us scared shitless?
Having a steel spine means to do what you’re afraid of. Because once you do what you’re afraid of, you’ve taken control of your destiny. Nobody or nothing can scare you.
Conclusion
So what are you afraid of in life? Write down your worst-case scenarios.
Whose opinion of you matters the most? The opinion and judgements of others, or of your own self-assessment of yourself?
Do you worry about physical pain? About death? About being ostracized from your community? Are you really afraid of people talking behind your back? Are you afraid of not getting that promotion? Are you afraid that you will die before you can collect all the toys that you desired?
Build your steel spine. Then nothing can kill, harm, or even scratch you.
Be strong,
Eric