We have all fell victim to our anger at one time or another: spewing words like darts of poison, unintentionally harming our loved ones.
I often lose my patience with Cindy. When I get irrationally angry, I often visualize punching glass, and seeing my hand drip with blood. Or sometimes the feeling of punching a wall and break my knuckles comes to mind.
Anyways, I’ve always been a pacifist growing up. I never liked to fight or rouse trouble between friends or family or loved ones. But still, I fall victim to anger.
When I fall victim to anger, I feel like I’m driving a V12 engine Lamborghini, with my eyes closed, intoxicated on vodka. I am heading for a cliff.
Or when I’m angry, I feel like the following:
Drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.
Two. Anger leads to regret.
I have a personal rule of thumb, or heuristic for living:
If angry, never respond to something for 24 hours.
Usually by 4 hours, I forget what I’m angry about.
Think about it, once you say words of malice, you can never take that shit back.
I’ve seen hateful words create so much pain and suffering. I leaned all my curse words in Korean for the most horrible shit from my dad cursing out my mom, for being a worthless bitch, and making all these insults about her family. My dad wasn’t as physically abusive to my mom compared to other men growing up, but his words were really fucked up.
He knew the weak spots of my mom. Related to her being abandoned as a child by my grandfather for another woman (my grandfather had two wives, as was customary during the time). It left a lot of scars for my mom. My dad knew how to tear open that wound, everyday. Just how Zeus forced the liver of Prometheus to be eaten and refrozen everyday by vultures.
Anyways, my dad taught me how words can harm and maybe even kill. I was bullied as a kid growing up, so I know how harmful and painful words can be.
So now, I channel my Stoic masters and when shit makes me angry,
I just close my fucking mouth.
I’m like a plague waiting to come out of my mouth. Of wasps, locusts, and viruses. I keep my mouth shut, because sometimes even I’m afraid of what I can say (or do) to harm my loved ones.
As a 12 year old, I made an oath to myself:
When I get married to my wife, I will treat her like a queen. How my mom deserved to be treated by my dad.
We all have pain and resentment from the last. You, me, and the barista making your morning coffee.
My new thing: I don’t take my anger too seriously. I just let that shit fade away. I’m more powerful than my anger. My power of rationality can squelch my inner-demons. My rationality is like the Angel Gabriel, clad in shimmering Bronze armor, putting cold steel through the head of Lucifer.
I still don’t got the solution for solving anger. But some personal ideas and prescriptions that I use for myself:
- Cut out negative people from your life that excite your anger: Most random social media trolls invite and incite my anger. I don’t read comments online anymore. I also cut out my dad, the ultimate black cloud. Consider, if you are wearing all white and go to a mud wrestling ring, you’re gonna get muddy.
- Go for a walk: Classic and tried technique. Often I walk for an hour, and discover during my walk why the other person was angry. Often I find out the cause of my anger was caused from my own fallacy or folly. Aka, it was my fault. When it was the fault of Cindy, I don’t archive that as ammunition against her later. I just forgive and forget, and never bring that shit up again.
- Workout: Deadlifts and squats at the gym reduce anger. I often feel cleansed afterwards, like if I took a bath in some glistening pure flowing waters. It’s weird, powerlifting is like my zen sanctuary and practice. I have time alone to think, listen to my music, and reflect. Then lift some heavy iron, which drains my muscles, and my anger.
What works for you to channel your anger into more positive ways? Has anger ever been a creative source or fountain for you? Any personal remedies you use that you wanna share? Post your thoughts to ERIC KIM FORUM.