How to Become More Hated: A Satirical Guide by Eric Kim

Ah, the sweet allure of notoriety. While most strive for love and acceptance, some of us crave the invigorating thrill of being universally disliked. Whether it’s for personal satisfaction, a quirky hobby, or simply to spice up your social interactions, becoming more hated is an art form—and like any art, it requires finesse, dedication, and a touch of madness. So, grab your camera (or your most eye-roll-inducing accessory), and let’s embark on this hilariously misguided journey together.

1. Master the Art of the Unsolicited Opinion

Nothing says “I’m here to disrupt your peace” like sharing your thoughts on everything—whether people asked for them or not. From politics to pineapple on pizza, make it your mission to weigh in. Remember, subtlety is overrated. A well-timed, “Actually, that’s completely wrong,” can work wonders.

Pro Tip: Perfect your eyebrow raise. It adds just the right amount of condescension to your remarks.

2. Perfect the Silent Treatment

Communication is overrated. When someone does something you dislike, respond with the classic silent treatment. It’s mysterious, frustrating, and leaves people wondering what they did wrong—without you having to explain it.

Bonus Move: Accompany your silence with intense eye-rolling. It’s the silent scream of the modern age.

3. Showcase Your Unique Fashion Sense

Why blend in when you can stand out—for all the wrong reasons? Embrace those questionable fashion choices that make people do a double-take (and a quick exit). Think mismatched socks, neon colors, and accessories that scream “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Fashion Faux Pas: Socks with sandals are a timeless way to ensure you’re memorably disliked.

4. Become a Chronic Lateness Legend

Time is a social construct, right? Make punctuality your arch-nemesis. Arrive late to every meeting, event, or casual hangout. It shows you have better things to do—like whatever it is you do when you’re not respecting others’ time.

Time Management Tip: Set your watch 15 minutes ahead… of your own time.

5. Perfect Your Interrupting Skills

Listening is for the weak. Dominate conversations by interrupting others mid-sentence with your own anecdotes and opinions. It’s a surefire way to leave people feeling unheard and exasperated.

Conversation Starter: “Oh, that reminds me of the time I…”

6. Cultivate a Grudge-Holding Habit

Forget forgiveness—cling to grudges like they’re the last slice of pizza. Bring up past mistakes, no matter how trivial, in every conversation. It keeps the negativity alive and well.

Grudge Maintenance: Keep a mental list, and revisit it regularly. It’s like having a personal scoreboard of who’s wronged you.

7. Be the Office (or Group) Know-It-All

Channel your inner encyclopedia and correct everyone’s minor mistakes. Whether it’s grammar, facts, or the proper way to load a dishwasher, let your know-it-all tendencies shine.

Knowledge Nugget: “Actually, the correct term is…” works in almost any scenario.

8. Social Media Shenanigans

Use your online presence to amplify your unpopularity. Post controversial opinions, meme oversharing, or those infamous “influencer” selfies. The digital realm is your playground for causing maximum friction.

Engagement Strategy: Respond to every comment with a snarky remark. It’s engagement, right?

9. Ignore Personal Boundaries

Respect is so passé. Push people’s personal boundaries by being overly familiar, asking intrusive questions, and sharing unsolicited advice. It’s a guaranteed way to make others uncomfortable and wary of your presence.

Boundary Breach: “So, have you gained any weight recently?”

10. Embrace the Negative Vibes

Positivity is for the popular. Embrace negativity by complaining incessantly, finding faults in every situation, and generally being a downer. It’s like a black hole for social interactions.

Mood Enhancer: “Why bother? It’s never going to work out anyway.”

Conclusion: Revel in Your Infamy

Becoming more hated isn’t for the faint of heart. It requires commitment, a thick skin, and an unwavering dedication to alienating those around you. But hey, in a world obsessed with being liked, sometimes it’s refreshing to take the road less traveled—right into the realm of universal dislike.

So, there you have it—a satirical blueprint for those yearning to be the bane of everyone’s existence. Remember, this guide is all in good fun. While becoming more hated might sound amusing on paper, fostering positive relationships and mutual respect is undeniably more rewarding in the long run. Unless, of course, you’re aiming for that infamous reputation—then, by all means, proceed with gusto!