By Eric Kim

In today’s world, where stress and anger follow us like shadows, the idea of simply “going to bed” can feel like a joke. You lie there, staring at the ceiling, the weight of the day pressing down like a fog that won’t lift. Maybe you’ve been angry, maybe work deadlines are creeping into your thoughts, or maybe it’s something else entirely. Whatever the reason, you can’t sleep. But here’s the thing: you can train your mind and body to relax before bed—and in doing so, you can reclaim your sleep.

Stress and anger before sleep are more than mental states—they’re physiological. Hormones like cortisol and adrenaline surge through your system, making it almost impossible to switch off. The trick is learning how to lower those stress hormones, how to quiet the mind, and how to create a routine that nudges you toward rest. And it starts with a few simple, but incredibly effective, strategies.

1. Build a Bedtime Routine

Here’s the deal: humans thrive on routine. It’s what our bodies crave, even if our lives feel anything but structured. Set a bedtime—yes, even on weekends—and stick to it. But it’s not just about the time you go to bed; it’s about the wind-down process. Give yourself 30-60 minutes to truly shift into rest mode.

Try this: Read a book—something light. Listen to some soft music or a podcast that soothes rather than stimulates. You might even take a warm bath, letting your muscles relax and your core temperature drop once you’re out, signaling your body that it’s time to sleep.

2. Breathe and Relax Your Way to Sleep

When stress hits, your breathing changes—it becomes shallow, fast. So, flip the script. Deep breathing exercises, like the 4-4-4 method (inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four), are powerful because they send a message to your nervous system that it’s okay to relax. No need to run from the proverbial tiger in your brain.

If breathing isn’t cutting it, try progressive muscle relaxation. It’s simple: tense each muscle group—start with your toes, move upward—then release. You’ll be surprised how much tension you carry without realizing it.

3. Move During the Day, Stretch at Night

Exercise. You hear this advice constantly, but the truth is, it works. During the day, a brisk walk, a quick run, or even some strength training can help regulate cortisol levels, setting you up for better sleep. But when it comes to nighttime, keep it gentle. Some light stretching or yoga before bed is enough to release any residual tension from the day.

Try this: Just 5-10 minutes of slow, deliberate stretching, focusing on deep, mindful breaths, can do wonders. Bonus points if you stretch in dim lighting, sending even stronger cues to your brain that it’s time to wind down.

4. Tame Your Thoughts—Journaling and Gratitude

Ever try to sleep, but your mind just won’t shut up? You’re not alone. Stress and anger before bed often come from unresolved thoughts. Here’s an idea: get them out of your head. Take five minutes to journal before bed. Write down your worries, your to-do list, whatever’s keeping your mind spinning. Better yet, practice a little gratitude. Write down three things you’re grateful for. Even on the worst days, there’s something. This little shift in focus can work wonders for your mindset—and your sleep.

5. Design a Sleep Sanctuary

Your bedroom should be a place of calm, but for many of us, it’s anything but. Start by optimizing your sleep environment. You need darkness (blackout curtains or a good eye mask), quiet (or a white noise machine to drown out distractions), and a cool temperature (65°F or 18°C is ideal for most people). Comfort matters—invest in a decent mattress and pillows. This is your sleep sanctuary; treat it as such.

And yes, this one’s important: ditch the screens. Blue light from your phone or TV messes with melatonin production, that crucial hormone for sleep. So, no scrolling in bed. Seriously, just don’t.

6. Rethink What You Eat and Drink

Here’s the thing: what you consume in the hours before bed can either help or hurt your sleep. Caffeine is an obvious one—cut it off by midday. Same goes for nicotine if that’s part of your routine. Heavy or spicy meals late at night can disrupt your stomach, and alcohol, though it might make you sleepy, actually messes with your sleep cycles later in the night.

Drink water, but not too much. You don’t want to be waking up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.

7. Try Aromatherapy

Ever notice how a scent can instantly change your mood? Essential oils like lavender, chamomile, or valerian have been used for centuries to promote relaxation. A diffuser with calming scents or a pillow spray can be enough to subtly shift your body into relaxation mode.

8. Turn Off the News and Limit Work Stress

Stress is unavoidable, but you can control your exposure to certain stressors, especially in the evening. Do yourself a favor: avoid news or intense TV shows before bed. You don’t need that adrenaline spike. And for the love of sleep, set some boundaries with work. Stop checking emails or work-related texts an hour before bed. That stress can wait until morning.

9. Practice Letting Go

Sometimes, the key to sleep is acceptance. You’re stressed, angry—it happens. But instead of fighting it, try to acknowledge those feelings and let them pass. It sounds simple, but it’s harder than it seems. This is where meditation or mindfulness can help. You don’t have to be a Zen master—just sitting still, breathing, and letting your thoughts float by without attachment can be powerful.

10. Supplements: A Last Resort

Look, supplements can help, but they’re not magic pills. Melatonin might work for some, but use it sparingly—it’s meant for short-term use, not a nightly fix. Herbal supplements like valerian root or chamomile tea might also help, but always consult with a healthcare provider before trying something new. Your body’s unique, and it’s better to be safe than sorry.

The Bottom Line

Stress and anger are sleep’s worst enemies, but the good news is you don’t have to be a victim of them. By creating a consistent bedtime routine, practicing relaxation techniques, and designing your environment to promote rest, you can lower those stress hormones and finally get the sleep your body—and mind—deserves. It’s not about perfection; it’s about creating the right conditions for rest. Small changes lead to big results. Sleep well, my friends.