(Editor’s Note: Words and Photographs by Steve Simon. Steve is a very passionate photographer, author, and an educator that has traveled the world shooting for various brands, companies, and organizations. His work focuses on street and documentary photography. He shares with us today how simple it is to start a street project and how it will develop your photography further. All words and photographs are by Steve Simon.)
We all have a unique vision of the world and photography is such a great way to express your vision. The more you shoot, the more focused and recognizable that vision becomes, a style if you will. But you don’t set out to create a style, your style reveals itself when you get through a volume of work. It’s unconscious and not contrived. Others might see it before you do… you’re too close to your work to always recognize it.
I have been a street photographer since I first picked up a camera as a young kid, wandering the streets of Montreal.
How much is superfluous in life? What is excess baggage that holds you back?
What are some demons from your past and mental baggage that holds you back? What are physical possessions which hold you back?
What kinds of cameras and equipment hold you back? Which cameras are sitting on your shelf or drawer which you haven’t used for a few months, or even over a year? Why do you keep onto them? What do you fear? Do you worry about these “what if?” situations?
Let’s keep things going and get to more shooting with the latest assignment for Streettogs Academy!
For avid readers of Eric’s blog, you’d notice he’s on a relentless pursuit towards zen, stoicism, and minimalism. All of this is in the pursuit of one thing. Actually it is a thing we are all pursuing in all the aspects of our lives.
I wanted to write you a letter about “Wu-Weiâ€, a Taoist philosophy and concept that I learned from the “Tao Te Ching†(recommend the version by Stephen Mitchell).
So let me pose you a question: have you ever been out shooting on the streets for an entire day, and you tried really hard to make good photos, and you ended up not making any good photos after 8 hours of hard work and stress?
I wanted to write you a letter on the concept of “killing the masters of photographyâ€. It is kind of a Buddhist philosophy, as well as a philosophy I gained from Seneca, my stoic philosophy hero and mentor.
I want to write this letter for you, as a reminder of sorts to meditate upon some of the thoughts running around in your head.
Remember when you used to work in IT at UCLA? How many people complained that their computer didn’t work, and a simple rebooting of their computers fixed the problem?
I think the same thing applies to your own life’s problems: simply reboot. Don’t let the demons of your past drag you down. Reboot, and start afresh.
I think one of the things you did for yourself which was refreshing was rebooting your Flickr. I know how attached you were to your images, and how great you thought you were. You were attached to your older black and white photos, and while they were pretty, as your friend Josh told you, they weren’t that memorable (besides a few photos, like the dark faced man in Tokyo, the jazz hands lady, and your grandfather series). So what you ended up doing was listening to Josh, re uploading your “Grandfather†series to your portfolio, and you removed your older black and white “Grit and grain†series of your best black and white photos. That was difficult, but damn refreshing.
So anyways, you marked all of your photos on Flickr to private, except your new color street portraits shot on a digital Ricoh GR. Josh told you that he felt these images felt more honest, and you agreed. Not only that, but wasn’t it refreshing to simply “reboot†your entire Flickr and start again from scratch?
A few months ago, your blog went offline. Suddenly, all 1,000+ of your posts over the last few years were gone. Disappeared.
At first you freaked out. You crapped your pants. You thought you got hacked, and jumped to all these conclusions.
Yet after the first hour of panic, you actually felt an intense wave of calm. Everything you said before was now dead. You actually looked forward to restarting from scratch, just like a beginner. And honestly at the end of the day, the only thing you’re really proud of include your recent ebooks made into PDFs. If suddenly your entire blog disappeared again, I think you would have no regrets. Just keep writing, putting together those PDFs, and don’t expect to leave some sort of legacy. Just do your work, day by day, and be diligent. Don’t give up, keep drinking coffee, and ultimately write for yourself and a few good friends, without seeking others approval.
Another interesting thing that you tried out is dropping “street photography†from your title. After all, your ultimate passion (at least for now) is street photography. Why would you change your title from “Eric Kim Street Photography Blog†to simply “Eric Kim Photography Blog?†Well, nowadays you’re starting to feel a bit trapped by being pigeonholed into the genre of “street photographyâ€, because you don’t only shoot street photography. You shoot different types of photography. You’re exploring a lot more “personal documentary photography†(similar to Anders Petersen) in which you’re photographing your loved ones (like Cindy). Josh White also helped inspire you in this direction.
Not only that, but you don’t want the blog to just appeal to street photographers, but to all photographers. I think what you want to do is to make it more general, because ultimately all of us photographers deal with the same issues in life: issues with not having enough money and free time, issues trying to find our own voices, and the stress and anxiety of not getting enough “likes†or comments on social media. So why restrict yourself to just a small audience of street photographers. You were built and put on this earth to serve all of mankind. So don’t restrict yourself. Perhaps even down the line you can rename the blog to just “Eric Kim Blogâ€, where you don’t even have to just talk about photography either, because your interests also lie in philosophy, happiness, psychology, history, and other topics. Don’t restrict yourself. Speak your mind, be open and free, and know that most people won’t appreciate or care what you say or do or write. But once again, you’re ultimately writing to solve your internal fucked up mind, to solve your inner stresses, to medicate your own ailments. If anyone gains benefit from it, be happy. If not, be happy that you’re helping yourself at the end of the day.
So how else can you reboot your life? Reboot your family history; don’t be held back by the demons of your past with all the drama with your mom and your dad. Reboot your photography, don’t feel you only need to shoot “street photographyâ€, just shoot whatever makes you happy. Reboot your social life; only spend time with the select few friends who truly bring joy to your life. Reboot your philosophies on a daily basis; don’t feel tied to these arbitrary “rules†you set yourself. Know that when you find a rule you set yourself in life no longer works, change it. Don’t be a fool and be stubborn. Ditching film (for now) and shooting digital has made you feel like a beginner again, more free, and more fun. So stick with it, don’t feel like you need to stick with film just for the sake of it.
Anyways, you have an amazing day to look forward to, to teach your Seattle street photography class. Help the students build their confidence, show them love, compassion, and your heart. Ultimately focus less on technique, and more on treating them like human beings. Remember at the end of the day, they’re not going to remember what you taught them, but that you loved them.
Oh yeah, and you’re allowed to have as many coffees today as you want (you deserve it). Hipster espressos galore, woot!
Love always,
Eric
9:35am, Thursday, 9/17/2015 @ Walters house after a nice espresso he made for you, always be grateful of his friendship and those who have helped you along the way.
About a month ago I gave a talk on street photography at EyeEm headquarters in Berlin. During the question and answer session, there was a member in the crowd who asked me the question: “What is your dream?â€
“If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything, it is open to everything. In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind there are few. †― Shunryu Suzuki
(Cover photo by Assignment 14 Community’s Choice, Michele Berlingeri)
This has got to be one of the assignments that got the most number of beautiful pictures so far! The number of interpretations given to our theme is very diverse. Let’s start our analysis with our Community’s Choice:
You can download this essay for free as a PDF or Microsoft .DOCX file.
Dear friend,
I wanted to write you a personal letter on innovation. Not to say that I am the most innovative person (I’m not), but in the hope that I can hash out some of my personal thoughts on creativity, pushing boundaries, which I hope can ultimately help you too, my dear friend.
I just finished re-reading the excellent biography of Steve Jobs written by Walter Isaacson. If you can own just one book on innovation and inspiration, this is the book to get friend. So let me map out some of the lessons I’ve learned from the book, and the life and philosophies of Steve Jobs:
Read as a Google Doc (where you can suggest edits, and also download as a PDF).
I recently came across the excellent book: “Mary Ellen Mark on the Portrait and the Momentâ€, an educational workshop book published by Aperture, at the home of my friend Brian Sparks. Mary Ellen Mark is a photographer who endlessly inspires me, and especially with her recent death, I wanted to meditate on some of her thoughts and philosophies about photography and life.
I’m still afflicted with GAS (Gear Acquisition Syndrome). I want new shit all the time. I’m always dissatisfied with the technology I have (smartphone, tablet, laptop, camera, espresso machine) as well as my car, clothes, standard of living, quality of my food, etc.
What causes this constant treadmill of dissatisfaction?
There is a disease that Nassim Taleb calls “neomania” in his book, Antifragile. It’s probably my favorite modern book (I’ve re read it about 5 times, cover to cover). The concept of neomania is that we love the new for the sake of the new.
For example, whenever the new iPhone comes out, everyone instantly becomes dissatisfied with their old iPhone, and want the newest and greatest. And they forget how happy they were when they bought their “old” iPhone, and how slick and advanced it was when it first came out.
This is a psychological problem, that Daniel Kehnnamen explores in his book, “Thinking fast, and slow”. The problem with humans is that we notice differences more than similarities.
For example, when it comes to digital cameras, we always point out the differences (megapixel count, body style, sensor) rather than the similarities (all cameras take photos at the end of the day). The difference between a Canon and Nikon is negligible at best, but people always want to separate themselves from “others.” It is sort of a tribe mentality, which is sad. At the end of the day, we are all photographers. Who gives a shit which cameras we use? It especially pisses me off when Leica shooters look down on Fuji shooters. Probably like how guys who wear Rolex watches look down on guys who wear Seikos.
So I have a new mental heuristic (rule of thumb) that I’m trying to follow: ignore differences, and pay attention to commonalities.
For example, we always make differences in terms of places we live. I always complain of living in Berkeley instead of San Francisco. But at the end of the day, they are more similar than dissimilar. They both have huge commonalities (hipster coffee shops, hipster people, good restaurants, a downtown area you can walk around). But I’m always dissatisfied because I feel like I’m “missing out” not living in SF. It’s the whole “FOMO” idea (fear of missing out); that I’m missing out on the “street photography scene” in SF by being stuck in Berkeley.
Similarly, there is always a debate of film vs digital. Honestly at the end of the day, just shoot whatever makes you happy. Film and digital do have differences, but at the end of the day, they’re far more similar than dissimilar (you make photos either way).
The same applies to cars. There are people who compare Nissan with Toyota and Honda, and people who compare BMW vs Mercedes and Audi. But people always focus on the tiny differences, rather than the commonalities. And at the end of the day, a Honda Civic isn’t much different than a Porsche 911 (they are both cars that have four wheels, are made out of metal, and take you from point “A” to point “B.”
We can also point out the same in fashion. Is there really a difference between wearing Nike sneakers versus Adidas sneakers? Or a difference between Louie Vuitton and Coach? If aliens came to earth and saw us humans comparing the differences, they would think we’re fucking idiots (which we are).
Even a huge debate (iPhone vs Android, or Mac vs PC); they’re much more similar than dissimilar (regardless of what fan boys want to say). I used to be so dependent on my MacBook Air, but when I got it stolen in Paris a month ago, I bought a cheap Windows 8 tablet laptop. Sure there were some small differences between them (I prefer the Mac), but I was still able to get all my work just fine.
So as a practical tip whenever you hear about some new camera rumored or being released, don’t ask your friends what’s new about it. Ask them: “What is similar about it?”
Another thing I think about: no matter how cool or slick a new camera may seem, one day (generally 2 years) it will seem outdated and shitty.
For example, whenever I see an old iPhone 4, or even an iPhone 5 it looks so tiny and outdated compared to the iPhone 6. Whenever I see older MacBooks (not Air versions), they look like they’re from the stone ages. Even when I see old Leica m9s, I remind myself of how much I lusted and craved for it. But now it looks so dated compared to the new Leica M240.
Do we really need more megapixels in our cameras, bigger sensors, better image quality, faster autofocus, high iso performance, and image stabilization?
Isn’t it incredible that some of the best photos taken in history were shot with ancient cameras (manual focus), with low-Iso film (iso 25-100), tiny viewfinders, and other limitations? In fact I think that these limitations of technology forced photographers to be more creative (to start using a flash, shooting in good light, or mastering their equipment). Whenever I hear someone complain that their camera is grainy at iso 6,400 or that they moan that their camera isn’t “full frame”, I want to slap them. Similarly, we complain that our cameras and equipment is too big and heavy. Have you ever tried to carry around a medium format or large format film camera?
Don’t get me wrong, I bitch and moan all the time. I think new cameras with new technology will help me be more creative. But the truth is having less technology in your cameras will force you to be more creative (I think the best photographers often shoot manual focus and with outdated film cameras). The more limited you are by your camera technology, the more you’re forced to be creative. It is a “creative constraint.”
I’m so damn picky with coffee too. I only like hipster espressos. But at the end of the day, coffee is more similar than dissimilar (caffeine is caffeine).
Same with food; I eat to live, I don’t live to eat. I need to stop wasting time on Yelp and Trip Advisor trying to find a new restaurant to “entertain my palette”. I need to realize at the end of the day, most restaurants are more similar than dissimilar. And who you decide to eat with is far more important than what or where you decide to eat.
I’m going to try being less picky in my life, have fewer preferences, and be grateful for what I have (rather than wanting the new, and better).
God grant me the serenity to appreciate what I have, and not bitch and moan about what I don’t have.
I’m currently sitting at my desk, facing outside. There are beautiful trees, a soft breeze, the sound of birds chirping. I have a “HappyLight” on my left (which helps me wake up in the morning), I have some beloved books to my right, and I’m enjoying a lovely espresso, while doing a little bit of typing.
Life is perfect.
Never forget: you’re living in a paved paradise, heaven on earth.
Think of all the blessings we have in our life:
Running water (imagine all the kids in developing country without access to clean water)
Freedom from hunger (our problem is that we have an over-abundance of food, at least in the west)
The internet (if someone told us that we could have the entire collective knowledge of humanity in the palm of our hands, we would’ve said they were crazy even 20 years ago)
Smartphones (yeah I hate it when people text while talking to me, I do it sometimes too. But imagine what a blessing it is to have this miracle device)
Digital cameras (has opened up so many opportunities to our photography, whereas film is so expensive, takes a long time to learn, and quite elitist)
Healthy eyes to perceive the world and reality (some people are blind, and have never had this pleasure)
Ears to hear the sound of our friends and loved ones, and to listen to some sweet soundtracks on Spotify
The feeling of touch, so we can hold beautiful photography books, feel the texture, feel the weight, and the lovely feeling of flipping the pages
Coffee (I think good coffee is proof that a “God” exists)
Family & friends (as long as we have 1 loving family member or friend, it is sufficient for our happiness)
Roofs over our head (imagine how shitty it would be to be starving, and getting frostbite on the streets of Russia in the winter)
“Free time” (no matter how busy we are with our 9-5 jobs, most of us have at least 30 minutes-1 hour of leisure time a day, to do whatever the hell we want)
Magnumphotos.com, where we can see all the photobooks of the masters online for free (without having to buy them, as they can get damn expensive)
Online social media photo communities where we can share our work, get our work critiqued, offer feedback, and have the opportunity to bridge online communications to offline ones (in the past, you would only ever share your photos with 1-2 friends who were local)
Mechanical birds (planes) which allow us to travel to foreign countries, which might have taken 3-6 months by boat a few centuries ago
To be alive in this present moment, without any major illnesses or sicknesses (imagine all the people enduring chemotherapy, dying in hospital beds, or suffering from aids, gunshot wounds, other miserable and horrible conditions)
Okay I know I’m being a bit dramatic; but just realize that we live in the best time ever in history. Even though I’m having a shitty day, feeling depressed, or not feeling good about myself, I have nothing to complain about (my ancestors were probably dealing with hunger, famine, droughts, and death). Not only that, but the greatest blessing in modern society: the internet.
Know that we live in a “paved paradise” — that sure it isn’t all roses, flowing hills of green, and unlimited apple trees for us to survive on. But in our “paved paradise”, we have people on the streets we can photograph and interact with, we have libraries and photobook stories where we can look at images and be inspired, we have the ability to walk in public places and experience life on the streets, and to have technology (cameras) to document it.
I know I’m just babbling on, but this letter is also a reminder to myself. There are so many things that I wish for in my life, and things that I am dissatisfied about. But I need to remind myself of all the positives, not the negatives.
If we see our lives as “paved paradise” — the world is like our own jungle gym to explore, to have fun on, climb up and down, and sometimes fall off.
Paradise isn’t some far-away foreign country or city, like India, Tokyo, Paris, New York, San Francisco, or LA. Paradise isn’t some nice sandy beach, where we can drink a Corona with lime. Paradise isn’t having a little mountain cabin in the woods, surrounded by trees and deer. Paradise isn’t being a millionaire and not having to work a day of your life.
Paradise is the life we currently have. The friends that we have. The relationships that we have. The food in our fridge, the coffee we can enjoy in the morning, the camera that we currently own, and the freedom of time we have to make images. Paradise is the hug of our child, of our partner, the high-five you give a stranger, the smile that a stranger gives to you, someone letting you merge in traffic, or the one person who left you a comment or “like” on Instagram.
How to Experience Heaven on Earth
Lately I’ve been trying to practice “walking meditation” — which is essentially walking mindfully, and not being distracted.
I am constantly distracted; which prevents me from appreciating this “paved paradise” we have around us.
So I have been removing all the distractions from my life, as much as humanly possible, by trying to do fewer things in my day, to turn off my phone when I’m walking around, not listening to music while walking, and certainly not texting-while-walking.
When I practice “walking meditation”, I try to walk about half the speed I am normally used to, and I try to notice all the beautiful small details around me. The little crack in the pavement, the little birdsnest in the nook of my apartment roof, the sound of the birds chirping outside, the gentle hum of traffic passing me, the feeling of the pavement pushing against my shoes, and noticing the way that the light and shadows hit cars, peoples, and reflect.
Being able to practice “walking meditation” has also helped my photography in the sense that I can find beauty in the small details of my “boring” city (Berkeley). Once again, I suffer from the “grass is greener on the other side syndrome” (I always think I would be so much happier in San Francisco, because it is better for street photography, more people walking around, better art scene, and it is more hip).
But I need to realize that Berkeley is my paved paradise. I have everything I need here. Rather than changing where I live, I need to change my attitude. Rather than seeing what Berkeley lacks, I need to focus on seeing what Berkeley offers me; which is everything.
So friend, if you live in a boring ass place, know that there is beauty all around you– you just have to slow down, turn off your smartphone, and appreciate the small details all around you.
Also don’t feel that you have to constantly be shooting “street photography” with people in it. Hell, if you like it– shoot flowers, landscapes, macros, whatever makes you happy. Don’t worry about not being considered a “serious” photographer. Don’t even call yourself a photographer, call yourself a human being that happens to like to take photos for fun.
Don’t take photography too seriously; don’t stress yourself out, and have fun.
So instead of going out to “take photos”, just go out for a nice walk, enjoy the nice breeze, the warm sun, and bring your camera along (just in case). Perhaps stop by the local cafe, enjoy a nice coffee, and count the blessings you have in your life.
Love always,
Eric
Thursday, September 10th, finished writing @ 9:03am after a lovely v60 pour-over and espresso. Fortunately that weird throat-swelling thing isn’t happening. Reminder to self; don’t have more coffee for the rest of today.
Random life updates:
1. The beauty of being back home in Berkeley
So being back home in Berkeley has been truly wonderful and a blessing. I’ve been enjoying the “small” and “simple” things in life; spending time with friends and catching up on random chit-chat, walking around my neighborhood (with the Ricoh GR, shooting b/w high-contrast JPEG + RAW) and taking photos of rubbish on the ground and flowers, doing chin-ups in the local park, cooking new dinners for Cindy everynight (I’ve made her a pretty bomb cast-iron garlic lamb-shank and plum-sauce duck), finally had the chance to catch up on 100+ emails this morning (sorry if it took me so long to get to you, I still feel guilty because I am not able to answer the other 100+ emails that are sitting in my newsletter email inbox), reading books that I am passionate about (Steve Jobs biography is incredibly inspirational), and having my family over (recently had a lovely family dinner with my mom, my younger sister, Cindy, and both her parents).
2. Book offer on “Learn From the Masters”
Oh not sure if I told you this, but I actually got a book offer from a small book publishing company called “Rockynook” who are interested in publishing the “Learn From the Masters” book. I am going to hash out the details with them about printing, the contract, and other legal details sometime in the next few weeks. I am really excited; I hope to put a paper-back book that I am proud of, and that can bring a lot of value to the lives of others.
The thing is that there are two non-negotiables that I plan on asking for: 1) To have a free PDF edition online for free, in accordance with the ‘open source‘ philosophy and 2) For them not to own copyright of the text (I don’t think anybody, including myself, should own the ‘copyright’ to any information). If they say “no”, I will thank them for their time, probably figure out if I can self-publish this (which might be a fun opportunity), and stick in accordance with my virtue and morales.
One thing that I learned from Steve Job’s biography is to NOT COMPROMISE. Not compromise regardless of how much money companies or people try to throw out at you.
I’m not saying that corporations are trying to control me, but I need to remind myself not to “sell out”. Apparently corporations constantly approach rappers and ask them to make rap songs about their products, and offer them a shitload of money.
And friend, I am ashamed to admit that honestly, I think all the cameras I have accepted in the past (Ricoh GR, Fujifilm x100s, x100t, XT-1 + 23mm 1.4 + 27mm f/2.8 lens, Pentax K3) has made me a slave to these camera corporations. I am a selfish human being, who cannot refuse free stuff. But the problem of receiving these free cameras is that I no longer own my own opinion, and I am being consciously (or subconsciously) influenced in promoting products.
I can honestly say that I have never promoted a camera to you that I didn’t personally like. But at the same time, I realize that it is unethical for me to accept free gifts of any kind (I also get free smartphones from Samsung, which included a Galaxy S3, a S5, a S6, Note 3, Note 4) that I myself wouldn’t spend money on. And to be frank, as much as I love the Samsung phones, if I had my own money, I would just buy an iPhone.
But sorry for the random rambling– essentially what I wanted to say is that I am extremely excited for this book offer. But if they don’t allow me to print and publish this book with them and keep it “open source”, I am going to have to say no (even though I might have the potential to earn $200,000+). I’m just making up that number, but I think morally, ethically, and based on my principles– I should accept NO amount of money that wouldn’t let the information NOT be “open-source.”
But damn, it’s awfully hard rejecting money. But at the end of the day, I don’t live for myself, but I live for the community, for society, for humanity, and for you.
Anyways, will keep you in the loop friend, until next time, Godspeed!
Oh and another note: you might have noticed that I disabled the comments. I did so because I feel massive guilt not being able to read all the comments on the blog, so for now, I will keep the comments off (until the near future). Thank you for your understanding :)
I want to share a story with you. It is an important life lesson that I learned from Greg Lowe, my tennis coach from high school.
Okay let’s start from the very beginning. I was a sophomore (or perhaps freshman) in high school (Castro valley high in California), and I heard that there were tryouts for the tennis team. I’ve always (kind of) been interested in tennis, as my parents would play (or at least they had some old rackets in the closet). I remember as a kid, looking at these (unused) rackets in the closet, and wanting to pick it up and learn.
So anyways, I go to these tennis tryouts, and fail miserably. I can’t hit the ball to save my life, and I realized that I was out of my league. Some of these kids were able to hit the ball with so much beauty, form, and elegance — adding fancy topspin to the ball, able to serve without even looking, and pretty much dominate without even trying.
Dejected, I thought I would never be a good tennis player. How could I catch up in skill to all of these other guys, who had all these fancy tennis lessons (which were pretty fucking expensive)?
I don’t remember the details, but one of the assistant coaches (Greg Lowe, a retired police chief), offered the students who didn’t make the team, “Hey guys, if you want to improve yourselves and perhaps make the team next year, meet me at the courts this Saturday at 730am, and I will give you free lessons.â€
At first I thought, “fuck yeah‖ I would be able to get free lessons, work hard, and prove myself by making the team. I thought it was the opportunity of a lifetime, and I thought everyone else would jump on this offer.
So anyways on Friday morning, I peel myself out of bed at 7am (really early for a high school student), and made it to the courts by 730am. I was surprised to see that there were only about three of us in total. I thought to myself, “where are all the other kids, why aren’t they taking up this amazing and generous offer that coach Lowe offered?â€
Anyways, long story short, Greg Lowe trained us for that entire summer. There only ended up being around three of us in the long run, but through that summer I was able to hone my skills, work hard, and (without fail) make it to practice every Saturday morning, no matter how much alcohol I drank the night before with my friends. Funny story; there was one day that I was sleeping in on Saturday morning, and my friend (also another guy getting tennis lessons with coach Lowe) threw rocks at my window to wake my ass up.
Anyways, I end up making the team, and through the years, worked myself up from having zero skills in tennis, to being #1 varsity doubles on the team.
There were a lot of lessons that coach Lowe taught me about life through tennis, which I want to outline in this letter to you.
1. You don’t need an expensive racket
The first thing that shocked me from coach Lowe was that he played and instructed us with a wooden racket. It was a really old thing, I never had seen anything like it. While all of us young guns were obsessed with getting the newest and greatest tennis rackets, our coach instructed us with this super heavy, tiny headed relic from the past.
Yet the thing that surprised me the most was how fluid he was with it, and how hard he could hit the ball with it.
Funny in photography, we call it “gear acquisition syndrome†(gas), in which we think that our lack of photographic ability is because our cameras and lenses and gear aren’t good enough. Yet they have the same exact thing in tennis, where a lot of amateur tennis players think that they’re not improving in their tennis, because their racket isn’t expensive enough. Apparently this also happens in all other sports, like basketball (you want to wear expensive Jordan shoes), in cooking (you want expensive knives), in golf (you want more expensive clubs), etc.
So when I started off in tennis, needless to say I was pretty shitty. I always thought to myself at the back of my head: “If I only had an expensive racket like Andre Agassi” or if I had that new Head, Prince, or Babolat racket, I could hit the ball really hard and be a really good player.
But regardless, without fail, my coach taught us with the wooden racket, and showed us how hard you could hit the ball (even with a really shitty racket).
He always tried to remind us: it isn’t about the racket, but your form.
Now thinking back at it, it is an important life lesson that I have applied to my photography and life in general.
In photography, I say this a lot: “Don’t worry about the camera and gear, the most important thing is your eyes and how you see the world.” I’ve said it so many times that it seems so cliche and a fucking chore when you hear it; but it’s true. And it is a constant reminder I need to give myself (I always make excuses about my photos not being good enough, saying that my camera isn’t good enough).
Don’t get me wrong friend, I am still afflicted with GAS in photography. Although I am currently down to one camera and one lens (film leica and 35mm lens), I still crave for more. There are days I daydream about getting a Leica Monochrom, or daydream about fictitious cameras (like digital cameras without an LCD screen), or buying medium format cameras, whatever. I am not satisfied with what I have, but I always goad for more. And why is that? Because I somehow think it is my gear which is holding me back creatively, and if I suddenly had new gear, I would become “re-inspired”. But it is a bunch of bullshit, it is actually limits and constraints that forces us to be be more creative (they call it a “creative constraint”).
The same philosophy goes in life. We think that we can’t start our own business because we don’t have enough money. We think that we can’t ask that beautiful person on a date because we don’t have the looks. We think that we can never cook a decent meal because we have an ill-equipped kitchen. We think that we can’t become great painters, movie directors, or musicians because our equipment (or tools) are holding us back.
But remember; even a wooden racket can help you become a great tennis player. Similarly in photography, even a smartphone can be a more than-sufficient tool for photography. In life, make the best use of what you have, rather than seeking some external thing that you don’t have in order to be creative.
Recently, Cindy and I are embarking on a challenge (which is really difficult); don’t buy anything new for a year.
So far the challenge has been really difficult. I constantly want to buy new shit (and I know I don’t really need it, but still am tempted). But the funny thing is that in knowing that I don’t have the luxury of buying new things, it forces me to be more ingenuous and use what I already own and be more creative.
“Hunger breeds sophistication.”
So for example, I currently don’t have a laptop. I got my 11” Macbook Air stolen in Paris 1.5 months ago, I recently donated my Windows 8 Tablet/Laptop to a friend named Anne who is going to donate it to charity to teach kids in a developing country to program, and all I am left with is the iPad Air I had chilling at home. I have a “in-case” keyboard attachment thingy, and a bluetooth Apple keyboard that I use wirelessly (which I am using right now to type this up).
Before my “don’t buy anything” challenge, I was tempted to stop by the nearest Apple store (there is literally one in just a 20-minute walk from my house, on 4th street in Berkeley), and buy a new Macbook 12” retina (or a 13” Macbook pro). But because I made the decision not to buy something new, I tried to think to myself; how can I best use this iPad to be creative?
First of all, I tried to approach the whole “via negativa” philosophy that Nassim Taleb shares in his book, ‘Antifragile‘ (trying to remove as much as possible). So from the iPad, I have removed all superfluous apps that I find unnecessary. Currently the only apps I have are the ones that are not standard is Dropbox and Google Chrome, and IA Writer Pro (best minimalist writing app for both iPad and Macbook in my opinion). The benefit of having no extraneous apps or fat? I have fucking extreme focus; I am not distracted by anything else. And trust me, I am the most easily distracted person I know. I am a pigeon, I see something shiny, and I instantly lose focus.
But anyways, I first did feel a lot of frustration with the iPad– after all, I was limited. In the west, we are taught to not have any limits, to have ultimate freedom– the freedom to buy anything you want, the freedom to do anything you want, and the freedom to continue to accumulate extraneous things.
But the limitation of the iPad has helped me focus on one thing; just writing. So the limitation of my equipment and tools has ended up being a huge blessing. Rather than installing all these new “productivity” apps (in a ‘via positiva’ approach), removing unnecessary apps (in a ‘via negativa’ approach) has helped me be more creative.
So let us not bitch and moan about the lack of tools, money, cameras, financial security, opportunities, hometown, whatever hold us back.
In tennis, a simple wooden racket will suffice in becoming a great tennis player.
In photography, a simple camera will suffice in becoming a great photographer.
In life, having a little money is sufficient to living happily and contributing to society as a whole.
As I was writing this, I have also come to a little “mini-epiphany”; for the next year (at least until I move to Vietnam), I will put away the Leica and will practice what I preach; to just shoot with a simple camera (digital Ricoh GR). The camera is very affordable (less than $600), and while not “cheap” — I think if you own a laptop, live in a “developed” world, have access to the internet, clean water, whatever– you can afford it.
One of the big criticisms I get is that “Oh, Eric, it is easy for you to say ‘don’t worry about the camera’ when you shoot with a Leica.”
And that is true; I need to eat my own cooking, and not be a hypocrite.
Thank you coach Lowe for teaching me the beauty of playing tennis with a wooden racket and not being obsessed with my racket (all throughout high school, I played with a mid-range racket, which helped me make to #1 doubles on the Varsity tennis team). So similarly, I will make a vow of simplicity by also “downgrading” my camera to something really simple; the Ricoh GR.
So friend, I know it is really fucking hard not to be tempted by all these new tools and gadgets. I am a sucker to consumerism too; whenever I see advertisements, visit the mall, or see friends with more expensive stuff than me, I get instantly jealous. This is why nowadays I don’t surf the internet, I don’t read blogs (only paper-back books), I don’t watch television (I don’t own one), I don’t read the newspaper (“to cure yourself of newspapers, spend an entire year reading the news from last year” – Nassim Taleb), I don’t read magazines (90% of the content are just advertisements), I don’t watch movies (sneaky advertisement placements are abundant in films now, or they tempt you to buy expensive cars, clothes, to be fancy), I don’t (to the best of my ability) associate myself with rich people (or else I get jealous of their material wealth). Ultimately I try to avoid situations in which I will feel temptations to buy shit, feelings of inadequacy (comparing myself to those richer than me), situations where I want more than I already have (“keeping up with the Jonses” in America).
Happiness isn’t about accumulating more; it is learning how to be content with less.
So whenever you feel that your camera, gear, lifestyle, or whatever is inadequate– ask yourself,
“How can this limitation help me be more creative? How can this limitation force me to step outside of the box, and try to find out novel ways to be more innovative? How can this limitation be a positive?”
Let me flesh out some more ideas:
Benefit of shooting with a shitty camera (you only end up shooting when the light is good, which is sunrise and sunset, and you ultimately make better images than just shooting in shitty light with a high-end camera)
Benefit of living in a boring town (you force yourself to be more creative with boring subject-matter, and you’re more likely to create unique bodies of work that have never been shot before)
Benefit of not having a lot of money (you don’t use money as a crutch, and try to fix all your problems with money, which never works)
Benefit of not having a lot of free time (you don’t squander the little free time that you have. If you only have 1 hour of free time a day, you fucking squeeze out every ounce of that free time, very much like how you squeeze the last drop of lemon juice from a lemon. Even if you only had 15 minutes of free time in a day, think of how you can use that time to shoot (during your lunch break), how you can write, read, or do something that nourishes you creatively).
Benefit of being old (you are wiser, have more life experiences, which can help you be more creative and innovative with your art. You also realize your own mortality, so you don’t waste your time pursuing money and other extraneous things in life, but to ‘live everyday like it were your last’).
Benefit of being young (the world is your oyster, you have no kids to take care of, no spouse to feed, and you can just “YOLO” and do exactly what you want to do in your life. Nothing is holding you back).
I can blabber on on and on; but rather than blaming your external conditions and situations for not being creative or living the life you want to live, think of how you can use your limitations in your life, and make it into a benefit and positive.
Let us eschew fancy high-end rackets; and praise the simple, wooden rackets.
2. Never miss a practice
Another important life lesson that I learned from my coach was this: never miss a practice.
One of the most difficult things in tennis is to master a serve. It is one of the most complex movements, which require fluidity of the shoulder, turning of the hips, and it is one of those things that if you don’t use it, you lose it. You need to practice you tennis serve every single day if you want to improve. You can practice it every other day if you don’t want to lose your ability. And anything less than that, you will totally lose your ability to serve, and have to start again with scratch.
Similarly, I went to practice with my coach every Saturday, no matter how cold, no matter how early, no matter how tired I was. I always had to show up; and it is one of those things that getting there is the hard part, but once you’re there, it is quite easy. Kind of like going to the gym. Peeling yourself out of bed, and getting to the gym is the hard part. But once you’re there, doing the workout is quite easy, and after the workout, you feel great and you think to yourself, “What was so difficult about that?”
The same philosophy goes in photography. I do believe that it is important not to go a single day without shooting (if your goal is to improve your photography). I don’t think it is necessary to shoot everyday for the sake of it, but I do believe that the eye and your creative vision is like a muscle; you either use it or lose it. If you were an astronaut, sent into outer space with no gravity, your muscles eventually atrophy from non-use. This is also what happens to people in the hospital who all they do is lie down for months on end due to an illness. Their muscles weaken, they can no longer walk on their own, and they have to rebuild their strength from scratch.
It is often hard to find the “inspiration” to shoot everyday. But then again, do we need “inspiration” to eat food and drink everyday? No. Why not? Hunger is a pain, thirst is a pain, and to eat and drink is a necessity.
But for you, is being creative and making images a necessity? Do you feel physical and mental pain when you go a day without shooting?
Remember, at the end of the day your goal as a photographer (and human being) is to make images that please yourself, and to ultimately be happy. Like the famous Greek saying: “Know thyself” — try to know who you are as a photographer. Are you the type of photographer that needs to shoot everyday to stay creative or fresh? Or are you the type of photographer that instead of shooting everyday, perhaps you can look at photo books everyday, or find inspiration from other photographers?
So regardless if you shoot everyday or not; I challenge you to never go a single day without being creative, and challenging yourself either artistically, emotionally, or physically.
Conclusion
These are just 2 (of the many) points that I learned from my coach from tennis that I have applied to my photographic and creative life. Try to keep these 2 things in mind:
Disregard the equipment
Don’t miss a day of practice
I think if you practice these 2 things on the daily, you will become truly great in anything you pursue.
Farewell my friend, and I wish you all the best. You have no limits, only the limitations you put on yourself.
Love,
Eric
Written from 5am-7:20am, another beautiful day in Berkeley. Started off the day with a v60 pour-over with some Ritual coffee beans, but I am starting to realize that I don’t know if I really like pour-overs. They take far too long; I prefer the quickie of an espresso.
Just finished reading “The Cynic Philosophers” which is a fucking incredible read. The “Cynic” philosophers were the predecessors of the “Stoic” philosophers, except that the Cynics were even more manly and mentally/physically tough than the Stoics. The Cynic teachings can essentially be distilled into the two concepts: 1) “Know Thyself” (live a life true to yourself, not of others and 2) “Deface the Currency” (fuck money, disregard fame, fortune, and disregard popular beliefs; seek what you think is the ‘truth’ in life).
I’m thinking about re-reading the Steve Jobs biography by Walter Isaacson. A rare insight into a man who was so passionate about his life’s goal, that he fucked everything else. He knew that he had cancer and was going to die soon; so he didn’t waste a single day of his life. One of my favorite quotes from Jobs, let me break it down:
a) Never forget that you will die, it is a great decision-making tool:
“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.”
b) Fuck external expectations, and don’t worry about failing. In the end, thinking of death makes it crystal-clear what is important in your life:
“Almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.”
c) Never forget that you have nothing to lose, so follow your heart:
“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
d) Spoiler alert; we all die (eventually), but know that it is a necessary part of life:
“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is how it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It’s life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.â€
So go out, shoot, hug a loved one, express gratitude for the life you live, be grateful that you’re still alive, breathing, and able to enjoy “heaven on earth.”
So I met Harry Benz when I was in Toronto. My buddy Adam Marelli (probably the most knowledgeable guy about composition and photography) introduced me to him.
I shot Harry an email, and we met at a bar in Toronto in the evening, when I was teaching a workshop there. He came in, cool clear glasses, tall guy, with tons of enthusiasm.
I have never met anybody in my life so enthusiastic about camera straps and leather making. The man was a true artisan. He makes all of his straps by himself, and doesn’t skimp on quality. He put in all these tiny touches that I would have never noticed or appreciated; like how he uses water buffalo for leather (the toughest yet softest leather), while others use simple cow leather. Not only that, but he’s made the straps thicker around the “O” rings to prevent scratching of the camera, whereas other people just put in cheap pieces of leather.
He was also generous enough to make me an “a la carte” strap by measuring my neck and camera, and getting it to fit me. I got a nice brown leather tint, and two simple lines drawn through it. Classic, simple, and minimalist, my favorite style.
I’ve been through so many straps over the years. Honestly it’s the nicest leather strap I’ve ever used. As I’ve used it more, it has gotten even softer and more molded to my body, and it is even easy to switch from having it dangle around my neck (to wrapping it around my wrist).
Ultimately I’ve discovered I prefer neck straps over wrist straps. Why? It’s easier to drink a coffee and text on my phone when I have a neck strap, whereas a wrist strap can get in the way. Also when taking a piss, it’s annoying to always put away your camera in your bag (instead of just slinging it diagonally across your body, and facing the camera from your back). Don’t worry, I never get any “splatter” on the camera ;).
Anyways, my heart goes out to Harry. He is a hustling one man team, not making a huge profit on these straps. He barely has any time to market his straps, so I wanted to help a brother out. After all, what is more inspirational than seeing someone dedicate their entire soul, time, energy, and effort into creating a one of a kind artisinal product?
At the end of the day, a strap is just a strap to hold your camera. But it comes down to having something that suits you the best.
Luigi makes great straps too, but Harry’s straps are much more affordable, and feel more sturdy in my opinion.
Harry also has given me a wrist strap which is beautiful and minimalist to try out. Unfortunately I haven’t had the chance to test it out yet, as I’ve been loving the neck strap so much.
At the end of the day, I would recommend his strap if you shoot with a Fuji, a Leica, or some other micro 4/3rd camera, and if you like leather (and want to look like a trendy hipster with all these other leather goods). Don’t get it if you have a big ass DSLR or any other heavy camera.
So support Harry and continue to let him live his dream of making the best possible camera strap, especially for us street photographers who are suckers for new accessories for our cameras. No but seriously, it’s a damn sexy strap. It’s comfortable, fashionable, and functional.
(Words and photos unless otherwise stated is by Maarten Rots.  Maarten is an artist working with photography based out of Amsterdam. In his photographs you can see a sense of abstraction and surrealism found in everyday situations, captured by the camera. He loves printed photography and one of the ways he shares his work is through his self-published quarterly photography magazine March & Rock. Maarten will also give away a copy of of March & Rock. See the end of the article for details)
Digital photography is definitely one of the most important developments in photography of the last decades. One of its few downsides though is the fact that your work often remains virtual, it lives on electricity powered devices only. I have made it a habit to regularly print my photographs and have benefitted from it in several ways. Next to having a hardcopy backup it can be of great help to your process, becoming more aware of your own choices and interests, but also gives you new ways of sharing and presenting your work.
I am excited to share that after nearly 3 months on the road, I am finally back at my beautiful home in Berkeley. I just wanted to use this opportunity to share some life lessons I’ve learned during this trip, as long as some other meditations and ramblings:
1. We are tiny
I was on the plane, around 30,000 fleet in the air, and about to land in SFO. I just had a long flight: I left my friend Brian Spark’s home at 7am, after some good hugs and reflections on the trip, jumped on the subway, took the Arlanda express to the airport, waited in line to get my ticket printed, flew from Stockholm to Frankfurt (short 2 hour flight), then a longer-haul from Frankfurt to Montreal (8 hours), and then my final flight from Montreal to SFO (6 hours). I was able to watch “Mad Max†on the flight, finished re-reading “Antifragile†by Nassim Taleb, and also read a few chapters of “Letters From a Stoic†by Seneca. Great airplane reading.
Anyways, when I was looking down from the plane’s side window, I looked down. I saw tiny cars buzzing around on the freeways, I saw little tiny homes, and I had a little mini-epiphany: we are all so tiny, our problems are so insignificant, our time here on earth is short, yet we complain, bitch, and moan about the small and unimportant things in life.
Now you might be thinking: “But Eric, if you think that humanity is so small and insignificant, and everything we does doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, what is the purpose of going on in life, and contuing to work hard?â€
Well for me, this is what came to mind: we are on this earth for such a short period of time, so rather than complaining about the small problems that we hvae in life, why not use that mental energy to produce something positive and good in the world?
For example, my aspiration is that after I die, hopefully some of the things I wrote in this blog, the classes that I taught, the people that I met, and the love that I showed will have touched a handful of people. Touching those few people would have made my life worth it. I used to, but no longer have any ambitions to become mega rich, to drive a BMW, to own 100’s of Leica’s, or to have a million followers on Instagram. It is hard for me to constantly remind myself this; but I need to live for others, not for myself, and I also need to fuck fame, fortune, and external recognition. I need to do what I believe my life’s task (helping others), without a need for a pat on the back.
2. Family is king
I also wanted to share you something that was probably my personal favorite part of the trip.
This summer before we left to Europe, Cindy had a great idea: why not bring our mom’s along? After all, both of them have been hard-working single moms (more or less) for their entire lives, and have never had a true “vacation.†They were always working hard, hustling, and trying to pay the bills, and to put food on the table.
So we surprised my mom and Cindy’s mom by telling them that we were sending them on a trip to Paris (one week with us), a week on their own (in Italy, where they visited Rome, Cinque Terre, and Venice), as well as about 4 days together in Lisbon (cheap Ryanair flights made the decision for us).
Anyways, it cost us a lot of money to do the trip for them. I think all-in-all, we probably invested $4,000 in their trip.
Sure I could have used that money to buy a Leica lens, a maxed-out Macbook pro (with a shiny screen), some drugs (just kidding, I don’t take drugs), or some other crazy materialistic shit for myself.
But one thing I learned in life so far: invest in experiences, not material things.
I have no idea when my mom is going to die, neither when Cindy’s mom is going to die. But I knew that before investing in their trip, it would be a memory and an experience all of us (Cindy, me, my mom, Cindy’s mom) would remember for the rest of our lives. I imagined with my mom on her deathbed and being able to look back at all the happy memories in our life, especially this epic Europe trip.
And a great investment this ended up becoming.
Paris was fucking awesome. Imagine this: in our Airbnb in Paris (Place D’Italie), Cindy and I would wake up in the morning (late, around 10–11am), to the smell of amazing cooking. Both of our moms went to the farmer’s market in the morning, and bought fresh fish, veggies, and fruit– and the smell of their amazing cooking woke us up. Cindy and I would then drag ourselves out of bed, make some coffee (thank God, the Airbnb had a Nespresso machine and we were able to pick up some cheap pods at Monoprix), and then do some writing or answer emails. We would then all have a fucking phenomenal breakfast together, have a nice chat, then explore Paris like flaneurs (no explicit plan in mind, but just exploring the city without any stress or anxiety). We would see amazing sights, sit down in a nice cafe for a lovely espresso, and just spend time together as a family. Nothing super-fancy or special– the most valuable thing was the common experiences we were able to share.
One thing that also brought me a ton of joy: seeing how much my mom enjoyed taking photos. I got a free LG G4 smartphone (for doing a YouTube review for it), and damn– the camera on the thing is pretty fucking amazing (sorry for cursing a lot, it is 5:40am, and I am still a bit jetlagged). No but seriously, it can even shoot RAW (never used it, but the image quality is much better than a Samsung S6 and iPhone 6). Anyways, the entire trip she shot nearly 20,000 photos (thank God for Google photos automatic unlimited backup), and seeing her take photos was a reminder to me; how beautiful the art of taking images is.
My mom was like a child: she saw everything in Paris like from the view of a kid. She was amazed by everything, and literally took photos of everything. Her enthusiasm was infectious.
I am such a ungrateful bastard by comparison; I’ve been to Paris a few times before, and now I feel a bit “jaded†by the exoticness out of all of it. I remember the first time when I went to Paris as a backpacking student in college (age 20) and was so amazed by everything. Now because I travel so much, I have dulled my appreciation and novelty faculties– meaning, nothing exotic really excites me much anymore.
But seeing my mom’s enthusiasm for photography rekindled that “beginner’s mind†in me. It made me realize that for a beginner, everything is new, everything is possible, and everything is exciting. Just like how a child will find a few sticks and rocks infinitely fascinating, this has taught me a lesson: appreciate life around you like it was the first time you experienced it.
So friend, don’t know if you have a mom, dad, uncle, aunt, child, or friend who is interested in photography but doesn’t have a camera (or the means to afford one). If so, help enable them with the gift of photography– give them (or buy them) a nice camera that will make it possible for them.
3. Re-discovering gratitude
Another thing that I have learned through my trip is this: happiness is about gratitude, not about having physical stuff, or doing interesting things.
What do I mean by that?
Well, you can own a BMW M3, wear a Rolex watch, own two Leica’s (one Monochrom and one M240), have a fancy house, lots of 0’s in your bank account, a beautiful wife and kids, etc– but still be unhappy.
Why not?
You might compare yourself to your neighbor who is a lot richer, more good-looking, more “successful†than you– and feel jealous, and ungrateful.
But no matter how rich or poor you are, as long as you are grateful for what you have, you will be happy.
I have rediscovered gratittude from Epicurus, who is an ancient philosopher who taught me that you could be happy, regardless of your external constraints. For example, you can be a street-cleaner making minimum wage, but still be grateful for your vision, your loving friends and family, and the fact that you have a job that keeps you out of the streets. That street-cleaner can actually be happier (by being more grateful) than a CEO who earns millions of dollars (but is hungry for more, and isn’t grateful).
I am so fucking grateful for all the amazing friends I have in my life, for my health, and all the loving individuals I have met through my travels.
People ask me what is the best thing about traveling around the world, teaching workshops, and shooting street photography. To be honest, it isn’t the exotic sights that I see, the fancy restaurants I go to, the touristy landmarks, nor is it the photos that I take. It is always the people that I meet, and the relationships that I make which matter most.
For example, people also ask me, “Eric, aren’t you so bored of doing all these workshops? The content must be the same, and you must be able to teach them blindfolded. Aren’t you going to be bored of doing workshops sooner or later? Will you really do these for the rest of your life?â€
Well first of all, each workshops is never the same, as the people are always different. And every workshop, I try to do something a little different– to push myself and challenge myself (and the students).
And once again, the greatest blessing of teaching workshops isn’t so much that I am “teaching†anything anybody. In-fact, I see myself more of an “enabler†– I try to enable the students to break outside of their comfort zone, but ultimately it is they who do it, not me.
Not only that, but I believe in the mantra: “When one teaches, two learn.†I learn as much from the students (if not more) than the students learn from me. The students also learn from one another, which is the benefit of pairing up students in workshops.
I’ve learned so much from the students in so many different ways. I’ve learned about difficult cultures, politics, social interactions, how to raise a family, how to have kids, how to treat others with kindness and respect, and how to not give a flying fuck of how others think of you.
Some interview questions that I learned from Tim Ferriss (from his Podcast) were these:
a) “As you’ve gotten older, what has become more important for you in life, and what has become less important?â€
b) “What are the common mistakes people make in ‘Activity X’ (child-rearing, buying a home, traveling, interior design, investing in the stock market, etc)?â€
Another question I ask a lot of my students (and people I meet in my travels is this one):
“What are your passions and what makes you happy in life?â€
Followed up with the question:
“What makes you unhappy in life?â€
I have a problem is that I engage too much in “small talk†– now I have been trying to avoid that by going straight into deep questions, and the meat of things.
For example, I try to avoid saying (at all possible costs) the question: “What do you do for a living†or “What is your job?â€
Why? When you ask people what they do for a living or what their job is, what you’re really asking them is: “How much money do you earn, what is your social status in society, and are you a higher rank than me or a lower rank than me?â€
I once met a guy who was a passionate street photographer (and very talented), and found out afterwards that he was a janitor for a living. He had no loss of pride in saying it, but it made me feel shallow and quite shitty.
Some people have “day jobs†just to pay the bills– but rarely is it their passion. So asking people “What do you do for a living?†is kind of a bullshit question. Why not directly go into the meat of things, and ask them what their passion is– what really turns them on in life? Then you get much deeper and meaningful questions.
I also then ask “What makes you unhappy in life?†because I believe the secret of happiness is subtracting what makes you unhappy in life, rather than what makes you happy. Another lesson learned from Nassim Taleb: the avoidance of unhappiness is more effective than the “pursuit of happiness.â€
Things that I have realized made me miserable, that I have tried to cut out of my life include the following:
Commuting (or being stuck in traffic).
Networking meetings (only spending time with people I like instead).
Spending time with negative and toxic people (you are the average of the 5 people closest to you, cut out the “rotten egg†from your circle of friends, you will be much happier).
Media (television, blogs, newspapers, magazines. Rule of thumb; if there are advertisements in it, I don’t read it, or else I want to buy more shit).
Camera gear sites (everytime I read any of them, I suddenly get strange urges to buy a new camera I don’t need).
Sleep deprivation (learning to take naps, waking up without an alarm clock).
But anyways to go back to the gratitude point, I am grateful for the life that I have. I am trying to eliminate desire from my life, which corresponds to more peace of mind and “happiness†in my life.
4. Editing down
Another thing I’m trying to do now that I’m back home is “editing down†my life.
A funny thing: Cindy and I are considering getting rid of our car. Cindy’s younger sister got in a car accident recently, and needs to buy a new car. We’re only going to live in Berkeley for another few months (before we move to Vietnam for a year, and then perhaps France for 6 months–1 year), so we thought of this crazy idea: “Could we survive in Berkeley without a car?â€
I’ve always been obsessed with cars my entire life, and like all my fellow lazy Americans, I would rather drive 1 minute to the grocery store than (slowly walk) for 5 minutes. I always try to park closest to the entrance too, because walking is such a pain.
But one thing I rediscovered in Europe which I love; most people don’t own cars. Not only that, but not owning a car is a benefit: you get less envious of others who have more expensive cars than you, you don’t need to pay insurance or gas, and you just end up walking more.
Another idea I had: I want to spend more time in Berkeley, and to keep it “local.†I think the benefit of not having a car is that I will spend more time in my own neighborhood, taking photos close to my home, and not wanting to seek anywhere “exoticâ€. In-fact, I’m excited to actually walk to the store, talk to more people along the way, and even take more photos.
I’m pretty sure that by not having a car, I will have much more interesting photos. I’ll take photos in the bus, the subway, walking around Berkeley, or wherever. When I’m in a car, I’m usually zoned out and removed from the outside environment.
I talked about “creative constraints†before, but I think one of the ultimate creative constraints are shooting in a small geographic location. I think for the next few months, I will try to just document my life with Cindy and life in Berkeley more intensely; to make photos that are much more inwards looking, than outwards looking.
5. I don’t need material possessions
When I’m traveling, I always bring too much stuff. I have all these excess things that I don’t really need, and every subsequent trip I decide another thing I don’t need to bring.
This trip has been the most “minimalist†I have been so far, and it has been beautiful. I then ask myself, what kind of material things do I really need in my life?
I’ve also realized that honestly, we don’t really “need†any material things. They are nice to have, but we can survive without them.
All we “need†in life is freedom from starvation, freedom from thirst, and freedom from the cold. Everything else is optional.
Things that are nice to have in my life include:
Camera and one lens
Laptop
Smartphone (honestly this is extraneous too)
Kindle (prefer it to carrying around a lot of paper books, although I prefer paper books)
Besides that, I realize I don’t need anything else.
I just got home literally 8 hours ago, and I’m looking at all my “stuff†on my desk, shelf, closet, whatever– and I’m thinking to myself, “Why do I need all this shit?â€
The funny thing is that when I’m traveling, I don’t miss any of my stuff. In fact, having less stuff has brought me more clarity of thought and happiness to my life.
So I think for the next few months I’m going to try an experiment: everyday get rid of one thing (or better yet, donate it). I’m going to try to purge myself of clothes I haven’t worn in a long time, photography books (donate to friends, sell on eBay, or donate to library), “normal†books, and any other nick-nacks I might have lying around in home.
My grand plan is this: I want to fit all of my life’s possessions into one back (Thinktank Perception 15, which I bought with my own money in Aix-En-Provence which is fucking brilliant), and take it to Vietnam. Just two pairs of each clothes (Uniqlo airism shirt, Exofficio boxers, quick-dry socks), camera, film (I romanticize shooting only film in Vietnam), laptop, smartphone (only need it for Google Maps and What’s app), my Kindle (for books).
Honestly all of my physical stuff is superfluous.
My photo books? Sure I love them, but I can see all the images online (magnumphotos.com). I prefer real physical books, but at the end of the day– the emotional impact I get from the images is more important to me than the medium it is presented on.
My philosophy books? All can fit on my Kindle. For me, the information is what inspires me more (than the presentation). Once again, physical books are preferable and give me more peace-of-mind, but lightness is the key for me.
My “keepsake†possessions, like old photos and letters? Will probably store those with my mom (like my negatives, hand-written notes to Cindy, and any other things of sentimental value). I reckon these can all fit into a small box.
Another thing me and Cindy are trying not to do until we move to Vietnam: not buy anything new for a year.
Honestly, we deal with the disease of affluence– we have subscription to “Amazon prime†which makes it so easy to buy shit (free 2-day, sometimes same-day shipping). Our apartment is pretty small, and we’re pretty much to the max of all the physical stuff we have.
For a while I wanted to buy a grinder for my espresso machine, but I am starting to see the benefits of not buying new stuff.
For example, not buying a new grinder means that I will be more motivated to leave the house and visit cafe’s in my local neighborhood.
Not buying new clothes: re-discover the clothes I don’t wear that I already own.
Not buying new photobooks: re-read old photobooks.
I’m the ultimate sucker for consumerism and capitalism. I always desire to buy new shit. But what are some ways I can cut off this desire?
Not read any magazines (seriously, I see so many damn Audi, BMW, Rolex advertisements in them that cause unnatural cravings, it isn’t even funny).
Any photography blogs (99.9% of them are about reviewing cameras, selling cameras, and my rule of thumb; don’t trust any camera review site with affiliate links, even this blog).
Not going to the mall (everytime I go to the mall, I end up buying shit I don’t need, because the advertisements sucker me into thinking if I bought a new shirt, I would be more handsome and liked).
Interacting with rich people (rich people love to talk about their physical possessions, and the new thing they just bought. Everytime I interact with these people, I want to start buying new shit (as I compare myself with them). I want to spend time only with people who are down-to-earth, don’t flaunt any of their material possessions, and are frugal and value-oriented.
Honestly, I don’t know how this “no carâ€, “no buying new stuff†will work out. Apparently Leo from zenhabits.net has done it with great success. That guy is a saint, with human flaws, but promotes good values.
6. Printing more stuff
I also realized from my travels (especially after staying with my buddy Brian Sparks who has a beautiful and well-curated photobook library) that I love printed material.
The irony; I said I don’t want to travel with physical objects (like photoboks, prints, and physical books), but at the end of the day– they kickass anything digital.
I love holding a physical photobook, appreciating the smell, texture, three dimensionality, the weight, the feeling of flipping pages, and the fact that it exists in the physical world. I aspire on making more prints, photobooks, and plan on trying to keep it local (getting it all printed here in Berkeley), and perhaps selling it and giving away to friends and close ones.
I am a sucker for digital; but when it comes to putting together photo projects, I think printing small 4×6’s and making sequences is far better than doing them on some sort of digital device. Yeah, the iPad is the best thing when I’m on-the-go, but now that I will spend more time at home, I want to start covering my home, my desk, and my life with physical prints– and to give them away as much as possible.
7. When in doubt, be generous
I have this weird relationship with money. Ever since I was a kid, my parents would get into so many fights, arguments, and violent encounters due to money. We never had enough money growing up, and it caused my Dad to gamble the rent money, for my mom to beg her friends and family for money. So for me, whenever I think of money, it feels dirty, brings up bad memories from the past, and makes me think it is the “root of all evils.â€
A nice quote I picked up from Seneca: “Wealth is the slave of the wise man, but the master of the fool.â€
I am very fortunate that as time has gone by, the workshops have been selling out, and for the first time in my life, I actually have 0’s in my bank account. I finally have enough money that I don’t need to stress out or worry about the rent. I finally have money that I can take an uber without feeling guilty about it. I can finally eat out without feeling physical pain (I remember when I was a high-schooler or college student I would pretend not to be hungry when my friends would eat out, because I literally had no money).
So I am in an interesting position: I am now earning more money than ever, but rather than trying to become a slave to my wealth, I want to learn how to be more generous, and also cut back my own lifestyle.
I have a new heuristic (rule of thumb) in life: “When in doubt, be generous.â€
For example, there are many psychological studies which show that if you spend money on others, it brings you more happiness than if you spend it on yourself.
I always find the best use of money is to make others happy. Otherwise money is quite useless.
For example, I always try to pay for my friends or family for dinner. Why? There is nothing that tastes better than a free meal, and also having 10 people get a free meal (and 1 person paying for it) brings more joy than the pain that every individual has when paying the bill.
Not only that, but the more generous you are, the more generous you inspire others to become.
For example, at my last workshop in Stockholm, I surprised the students by being sneaky and paying the whole bill for everybody. That brought a lot of love and gratittude to the room. Happy stomachs = happy lives.
The thing that actually made me the most happiest: on the last day of the workshop, one of the students, Martin, did the same thing: he paid for the entire bill for everybody.
Now I’m not saying that he wouldn’t have picked up the bill if I didn’t do so in the first place– but I’m sure that my first act of generosity might have nudged or inspired him at least a little bit.
I also have found the irony of being generous: the more generous you are with others, the more you receive in return.
So not doing generous acts as a selfish thing (expecting others to do it back to you)– but it is a unintended side-effect. And sometimes the benefits come back to you, sometimes they don’t. A great book to read on this (for free on Kindle) is Seneca’s “On Benefits.â€
Also one of the life lessons I learned from Cindy in college was the concept of “Pay it forward.†When you do a random act of kindness for someone else, rather than trying to get the person to repay you the favor, you ask them to “pay it forward†by doing an act of kindness to someone else.
So to all the students who I paid for the meal, I just asked them to repay me back by taking out a friend (or group of friends) to dinner, and paying for the bill. Then these acts of kindness will cascade, kind of like a domino effect.
And what is a better use of money than to spread love, generosity, and happiness in the world?
I have also found that giving away or donating things has brought me far more happiness in my life than simply selling it. Yeah sure if I sold a camera I could make $500–800 bucks, which is nice. But the happiness I bestow upon a friend who needs a camera brings me infinitely more joy than simply having extra cash.
But don’t get me wrong, giving away stuff is painful. I am a selfish human being, who looks out for my own well-being.
But reading a lot of stoic philosophy made me realize that in life, there is really so little that I need to survive. All I need is eggs, coffee, and wifi. Everything else is optional. And these things are easy to get.
So my hope is this: to continue to build my wealth, but also continue to be more generous. I want to do more philanthropy and community-related things, and help others in need. I grew up in the lower socio-economic spectrum, but I am so grateful for all the love and help that I got from others in the community. Now I need to repay the debt, by dedicating my life in serving others.
I need to tape: “Fuck you money†to my wall. I need to do things not to seek money, but because it is genuinely helping people.
But at the same time, I don’t want to see money as an evil. Because what is money good for?
Money is good because it pays my rent, and I don’t go homeless.
Money is good because it gives me freedom to do things I actually enjoy (like writing this, instead of relying on going to a 9–5 job).
Money is good because I can use it to be generous to friends and people in need.
Now what if you have a 9–5 job that you hate, and you feel like a prisoner with no free time in your life?
A few options:
a) Quit your job
Honestly, nobody is holding you back from quitting your job and picking up a new job that will earn you less money, but give you more freedom of time.
People ask me, “Eric, when your street photography workshops no longer sell out, what will you do to make a living?â€
I would probably just become an uber driver or barista, and do the minimum amount of work possible (to pay my bills and food), and to have the maximum amount of time to do what I’m passionate about.
Or another option: move to a cheaper city or country. You can live very comfortably for only $1,000 a month in a lot of southeast asian countries. If your passion is travel, writing, photography– whatever, make that sacrifice. Living in the west is overrated, and way expensive. You can always pick up a job teaching English overseas, working remotely, or working for a year in your own city and saving up a lot of money and just living off your savings in India, Cambodia, or Vietnam.
b) Work less hard at the job you’re already at
To be honest, having a “day job†is a blessing. You have the bills paid for, a steady income, often health benefits, and other forms of security.
I think instead of quitting your job, just appreciating the job you have is a better option.
What do most people regret when they’re on their deathbed (read the “5 Regrets of the Dying†online)? One of them (especially for men) is that, “I wish I didn’t work so hard.â€
So take this lesson from these wise older people (about to die). Don’t work so hard at your job. Do the minimum amount of work not to get fired, or at least don’t answer emails after 6pm or on the weekends.
Once you’re off work, you own your time, your activities, your schedule.
Use the money you earn from work to buy photobooks, travel, make prints and give them away for free to friends and family, to buy friends dinner, and other ways that you can “pay it forward.â€
8. On cultivating your own garden
I have a problem: I feel extreme guilt when I disappoint others. I need to stop worrying less about what others think about me, and focus on cultivating my own garden.
Publilius Syrus has a saying, “Do not water your neighbor’s garden if your own garden is parched.â€
Similarly, I know that the more I take care of myself, the more I can be of service to others.
So I need to learn how to be more greedy with my time– to focus on writing, reading, and doing other activities which make me feel happy and fulfilled, and to load my schedule with fewer appointments, and to create more “white space†in my life.
Conclusion
Not sure what is going to change now that I am back here in Berkeley. I will spend less time worrying about what others think of me, less time trying to “networkâ€, less time worrying about money and finances, less time forcing myself to take photos I don’t want to take, less obsession with material things, less stress and anxiety, less drama, and less bullshit.
Thank you so much for reading this friend. I hope you can also continue to live a happy, productive, and meaningful life.
Don’t worry about all the bullshit in your life. Your life is short, live it to the fullest. Squeeze the marrow out of life, and live like everyday is your last– because who knows when we will meet the grim reaper.
Farewell,
Eric
Written @ Berkeley, Wed, Sept 2, 2015 (9am) with a nice espresso in the morning, another espresso (with coconut milk), and a third espresso (okay, I need to cut back now, feel that weird throat thing again). But fuck it, I’m not giving up coffee, it brings too much joy in my life.
You might have heard the term “YOLOâ€, which stands for “you only live onceâ€. However I think most people misconstrue the word. They think that it means to live a life of hedonism and pleasure, and give themselves the license to do stupid shit and waste their time and money.
For example, let’s say that I have to go to work tomorrow, but I’m out with my mates and they ask me if I want to drink some red bull and vodka shots. Instead of being a responsible human being and knowing that I shouldn’t (because I need to go to work tomorrow morning), I might say “YOLO†and drink the red bull vodka shots. But of course, this is an idiotic thing to do.
Don’t waste your life
We’re only given one life to live.
I had a friend that I knew ever since I was a kid. We weren’t super close, but some horrible shit happened to him: when he was 16 years old, he went out with a bunch of friends (5 total of them in a car). They were driving home, and suddenly a 16-wheeler (drunk driver), ran a red light, hit them head-on, and killed all 5 of them in the car, instantly.
Another story: Cindy’s mom knew a man who came one day to his wife, who was complaining that she was tired. The wife put their (newborn baby) to sleep, and then she went to sleep herself. She never woke up. Apparently she had a hidden brain aneurism and died in her sleep. Her husband forgot to say “I love you†before she went to sleep.
You want to live life without regrets. You want to live life to the fullest. You only live once, so why do we waste this short period of time we have on earth seeking material possessions we don’t need, seeking to increase the 0’s in our bank accounts, to constantly delay our gratifications and dreams in lieu of something in the future that might never come?
Don’t be a slave; follow your dreams
We all have a dream. I’m sure you have plenty of dreams as a photographer. I’m sure there are so many places you want to travel to and see, I’m sure there some photobooks you want to buy, I’m sure there are photo projects you want to pursue.
But what is holding you back?
I know in the past, I always made excuses for my external situations in life holding me from pursuing my dreams.
For example, I always made excuses that it was my full time job which held me back from traveling. But in reality, it was myself who held me from traveling. Meaning, I intentionally didn’t travel because I didn’t want to look like a lazy worker, and I wanted to look good in front of my boss, and get a raise. So it was my fear of not getting a raise which held me back from traveling.
I wanted to pursue some photography projects. But what held me back? My wasting time going out to drink and party, not the fact that I didn’t have enough time or energy.
I used to complain all the time that I never had enough time to go out and shoot. Rather, in reality it was myself just making excuses for myself. Even when I had my full time job, I had plenty of time to shoot before work, during my lunch break, after work, and even when I was with my friends and family. But to be really honest, I always thought my camera wasn’t good enough, and the day that I owned a digital Leica, I would suddenly be inspired and take photos of everything. But I was just suckered by marketing at the end of the day, as I did eventually fall into my lust in pouring my life’s savings into a Leica m9, and not finding myself any happier with the Leica, nor more inspired.
Don’t imagine you will life a long life
I have a fear that I’m going to die young. Some call it “unhealthyâ€, but I think it’s fucking great. Why? I don’t waste a day of my life.
I used to read all these self help books about saving up money, waiting for retirement at age 65, and then finally being able to travel, do what I want, buy a BMW, whatever.
But fuck it, in reality you never know when you’re going to die. And living a long life is uncertain. Even living another day is uncertain.
I know I sound melodramatic, but you don’t know if you (on the way of driving to work), you might get tired (not sleeping enough the night before), accidentally swerve into the other lane, and get killed by the oncoming traffic. You never know if you’re just walking, you slip, crack your skull on the pavement, and die. You don’t know if a drunk driver will run a red light, and kill you. You don’t know if you might have a heart attack, if you might have anaphylaxis from an unknown bee or food allergy and choke to death, or if you might somehow get poked in the eye (or have some chemical accidentally spilled into your eye), and become blind (and never able to see and take photos again).
So why delay your happiness and your gratification? Don’t delay, live now. Photograph now. Don’t make your happiness and freedom hostage of some sort of uncertain future.
What can you do now?
I’m not telling you to quit your job, sell all of your stuff, and travel the world and eschew your family and children. Rather, I’m saying that you should try to use today like it were your last day on earth.
If you knew tomorrow you wouldn’t wake up in the morning, how would you live your life differently today?
Perhaps you would invest in a photobook at a local store or be inspired by photos at the library. Perhaps you will go to that one part of town you want to go (after work) and make a few images. Perhaps you will share an unfinished project with a friend, and ask him or her to give you some feedback. Perhaps you will make more photos of your loved ones and friends (because you’re never sure when they will die either).
I have a personal rule; whenever I say “goodbye†to a friend, I imagine that I will never see him or her ever again. We aren’t certain if we will die tomorrow, how can we be certain that our friends will continue to live in good shape?
I have a friend who is 75, and his fear is not waking up in the morning– literally. So whenever he goes to sleep, he literally imagines that he won’t wake up the next day. Part of it is fucking frightening, but when he wakes up in the morning, he rejoices to God and says, “Thank you God for another day of life!†I personally don’t believe “God†as some sort of dude in the sky with a beard. But I do believe that we should be grateful to some sort of deity “out there†or “wisdom of the universe†to grant us another day. Or if you’re totally atheist, just be grateful that you didn’t die in your sleep, and that you can use another day to live life to the fullest.
You’re only given one life
We’re all given one life to live, no matter how rich or poor.
Many of us (especially us Americans) live our entire lives trying to seek power, wealth, prestige, and security (the belonged “American Dreamâ€). However many of us die along the way in vain.
Never be jealous of someone who is richer or more materially “successful†than you. You might drive a Honda Civic, he might drive a BMW 7-Series. But how many years of his life did he waste trying to get that car in vain? How many asses did he have to kiss? How many sleepless nights did he have to work, and how many weekends did he have to go into the office and spend time away from his family?
The worst trade you can make in life is to trade time for money. The best trade you can make in life is to trade money for time.
Why is that? If you lose $100, you can always earn another $100. If you lose 1 year of your life, you can never “gain†another year of your life.
Let’s take this a step further. Would you rather waste $1,000 on a new camera or lens, or use that money to “buy†vacation time and travel the world and have experiences that you will never forget?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for buying shit I don’t need. But what helps me (prevent me from buying cars, cameras, clothes) is imagining how out of date and ugly they will look like in 2 years time. No matter how slick the new iPhone is today, it will look like crap in 2 years time. No matter how hot the new BMW is, it will look shitty in a few years time (once the new and hot model comes out). Same with digital cameras, remember how sexy the Leica m9 was when it came out? Now it looks like a dinosaur, lots of users are having sensors that are failing and cracking, and now the new Leica m240 is so much sexier. I look at old Leica m9’s and think, “Damn, those look like crap compared to the new leicas.â€
So fuck money, fuck trying to please others, fuck kissing ass, and never think that you have another day to live. Because nobody is certain.
Live this day as if it were your last.
YOLO, you only live once.
Love always,
Eric
Tuesday, September 8, 2015 @ 7:03am, about to drop off Cindy’s parents to the airport after a nice weekend together. If I died today, I would have no regrets. A life full of love, friendship, and family. And good coffee (had a v60 pour over with Ritual coffee I picked up in San Francisco yesterday).
I wanted to write you this letter, sharing with you some of my personal thoughts that here is no one “right” or “wrong” way to shoot “street photography.”
I think when most people think about how you “should” shoot street photography, they look at the life and work of Henri Cartier-Bresson, and simply assume that everyone else needs to shoot the same way that he did.
But remember, “not every single shoe fits every single foot.†What I think, my friend, our goal is… is to discover what approach in street photography works for us (not for others).
There is the wise Greek saying, “Know thyselfâ€. But many of us spend our entire lives seeking to know who we are. Therefore in order to discover who we are, we look into the lives of others. We look at those wiser than us, and try to emulate them.
But the problem is this: you a unique human being different from everyone else. Simply following and copying others isn’t going to help you find the ultimate wisdom and truth that we are all searching for.
For example, one of the things that I think a lot about is my health. I’ve read hundreds of health books, from paleo, to low carb, to high carb, to low meat, to high meat, to ketogenic diets, to the “warrior†diet. The problem? These “one size fits all†diets rarely apply to the individual.
For example, as an Asian-American there are several things I am very intolerant of in my diet: these include dairy (milk, cheese, whey) as well as alcohol (I get “Asian glow†and turn red when I drink, because my body cannot synthesize alcohol very well). Furthermore, I have recently discovered that I’m allergic to certain nuts (cashews, pistachios), allergic to shellfish (shrimp, oysters, lobster), and also (slightly) intolerant to avocados, coconut, and some fruits (plums are a new addition).
The problem of these diet books and programs is that they assume that the majority of their readers are Caucasian, and therefore can handle dairy, alcohol, and other foods. But they rarely account for these Asian intolerances.
So it has taken me a long ass time, but I’m starting to realize that for the secret to my personal health, it is all about subtraction. So some things I’ve subtracted from my diet, which has made me feel a hell of a lot better:
Gluten (bread, pasta, etc)
Simple carbs (anything white, like white rice, white bread, white pasta)
Shellfish
Most fruits (too sweet)
Dairy
Legumes (beans, peanut, etc)
By simply eliminating these things from my diet, I’ve been able to have more focus, less lethargy, and more clarity of thought.
But once again, this is just works well for me, as an Asian American with lots of allergies. What diet works well for you is dependent (much on) your background, upbringing, and physical condition.
What are you intolerant of in photography?
As there is no one “right†diet in health, there is also no one “right†way to approach photography, street photography, or even life. You need to find the shoe that fits you.
For example, a lot of street photographers I know prefer to ask for permission. Why is this a problem?
A lot of street photography “purists†believe that you cannot (and even worse, should not) ask for permission before taking a photo of a stranger. That’s totally fine, but they should keep that opinion to themselves, instead of trying to cram it down the throats of others.
Similarly, some people like processing their photos in HDR and doing selective color and whatever. Personally, I’m not a big fan. But if that makes them happy, why not let them do that?
Why get upset and your panties tied up in a knot on how others shoot or approach street photography? Let them be, let them do what makes them happy, and leave them alone. In life, we can only control of how we do things, not how others do things on their own.
This doesn’t apply to everybody else
I’ve read so many interviews, and written a lot of the “Learn From the Masters†series. My biggest takeaway point? A lot of these “rules†are simply guidelines, and there is always an exception to the norm.
For example, I believe it’s important to “work the scene†and take a lot of photos of a street scene. But William Eggleston did the opposite: he would only shoot 1 photo of a scene, no more or no less. He still made brilliant shots.
Henri Cartier-Bresson sticked with one camera, one lens for his entire life and black and white film (Leica and 50mm). That worked well for him. But Josef Koudelka has shot with several cameras over his 50+ photographic career, including an SLR and 25mm lens, a Leica and 35/50mm lens, a panoramic camera, and apparently now he’s shooting landscapes on a Leica S2 medium format digital camera. He is still able to make brilliant images with lots of different cameras.
I used to think that when you’re working on street photography projects, you needed to go out with a single mission in mind, and not deviate from it. But other photographers like Elliott Erwitt simply go out, take photos of random stuff that interests them, and then compile books after 30 years of shooting.
I used to think that you should never mix black and white in a set of images, or in a photobook. Recently I’ve seen lots of great examples that prove otherwise (Todd Hido is a great inspiration).
Like I said in a prior letter to you, we need to learn how to kill our ego, kill our beliefs, and kill our theories which keep us trapped in, and narrow minded. We need to learn how to embrace “child’s mindâ€, in which the whole world is open to possibilities.
Everyday you are reborn
One thing I try to do:
Whenever I wake up in the morning, I imagine I’m a baby, or a child again. How would I live this day of my life, if I had no residue of my past holding me back? Meaning, I want to live everyday like if it were a new day. I don’t want to be held back by my prejudices, rigid views of the world, or any of the things that I hold onto my ego.
For me, I have a big ass ego (and a pretty big dome head). I have a hard time killing my beliefs, and letting them go. I think that everyone should listen to me, that I know the ultimate “truthâ€, and that I need to “educate†others about the “true wayâ€.
But that is bullshit. I don’t know shit. I’m still trying to remove the black dust in front of my eyes. The window of my soul is still covered in dirt and soot. I still have so many demons crawling around my soul, who am I to simply tell others what to do, when I don’t have any of my personal problems fixed yet?
The quote I try to always think about is from Socrates: that the only thing that I’m certain of is that I know nothing.
So once again, I don’t know shit. But I do know a few things which have helped me along the way, which is why I am sharing this letter with you, friend. We’re both friends lying in the same hospital together, afflicted with similar illnesses. I feel that I have learned a few remedies that have helped me, and am simply sharing it with you. But once again, these remedies have helped me, but not necessarily might help you. So all my suggestions in my letters, try them out friend, but if they don’t work for you, throw them away.
One of the reasons I wrote this letter is because for so long, others have told me how I “should†shoot street photography, rather asking me how I wanted to shoot street photography. They never asked me what brought me the most happiness in street photography (which is talking with strangers, and taking their portraits). So after many years of struggling, I’ve found out one of my true callings in photography: “street portraits.†It perfectly suits my personality (I’m very comfortable talking with strangers, I’m curious to learn about their lives, and I’m drawn to faces and interesting characters). At the moment my biggest inspiration is Richard Avedon. But once again, this might change as I continue to evolve and grow as a human being as a photographer. But it’s so funny that it’s taken me this long to discover what approach in street photography makes me happy.
And I think that’s what “style†ultimately is in photography. It isn’t how your photos look, or the projects you work on. Your “style†in photography is just an extension of your voice as a human being. If you find yourself shy, awkward, and don’t like to interact with strangers– utilize that. Don’t talk with strangers, shoot candids, and feel no guilt about it.
If you hate human beings, and prefer landscapes — shoot urban landscapes, flowers, sunsets, whatever makes you happy. Who gives a fuck if the Internet or the art world doesn’t “respect†you as a serious photographer? Why do you care if one day everyone is bowing before your very feet, but you yourself aren’t happy with yourself and your photography?
I’ve had so many instances in which I’ve shot photos that are really popular on the Internet, but I don’t personally like. On the other hand, I’ve shot so many photos that nobody likes, but I myself love.
Who should you listen to at the end of the day? That’s right, your own heart.
Conclusion
Follow your own heart, follow your own voice, find out what style or approach in photography makes your “heart singâ€. Fuck the opinions of others, and don’t give a shit if you get a lot of likes on social media or not.
As an experiment, try to disconnect, and to keep your work offline. Shoot first to please yourself, then when you feel ready, share it with others. Then if others like it, that’s fine. If they hate it, that’s fine too.
Now go forth my friend, shoot like a child, discovering photography for the first time. Have fun, smile, and live your photographic life to the fullest.
Love always,
Eric
Written at my beautiful home in Berkeley, overlooking my balcony, enjoying a nice cool breeze, the chatter of Cindy and her parents voices, the sound of birds, the nice greenery of the trees, all while typing on the iPad (with ia writer application). Had a nice espresso mixed with frothed coconut milk (I know it hurts my stomach, but at least I tried it once).
Other random thoughts
I know you probably don’t care about these random thoughts friend, but just wanted to update you on some of my thoughts.
First of all, I’m trying to continue this “subtract one thing at day†from my life. I’ve been donating tons of clothes, tons of books, and essentially I want to pare myself down to what I truly need in life, not what I want.
Some other things I plan on subtracting:
Kindle (I read lots of books on it, but prefer the paper books in my house).
Smartphone (I’m honestly a slave to it. I am trying to figure out how I can manage to do everything on my iPad instead).
Flash (I’m trying to not shoot with a flash with my Leica for a while, as it adds unnecessary weight and bulk to my camera, and I’m also dependent on batteries).
Not pushing film (I usually push my film to 1600, but it makes the processing more expensive. I might try to just shoot it at 400, and learn to be more creative by shooting with slower shutter speeds indoors or in the shade. I realized that shooting with a low ISO can be a good “creative constraintâ€.
Going keyboard less (I usually type these letters on my iPad and keyboard. But the keyboard is pretty big and bulky, so I’m experimenting typing without the keyboard, like I’m doing now. I prefer the tactile feedback of a keyboard, but at the end of the day, a keyboard is superfluous and just a luxury.
Variety in diet (yeah I know variety in diet is the secret to longevity and health. But I’m trying to remove more irritants from my diet, and going to continue to strip down to the essentials, and see how things turn out).
Not writing down notes (I always write down notes in my books, and on notebooks when reading books. The problem? It slows me down, I am forced to sit down, which hurts my back. I’m going to try to experiment to read paper books without writing notes, and see if I’m going to be able to retain the information better in my memory).
Not forcing anything (trying to embrace a more “Wu Weiâ€, go with the flow style of living. Lot less stress, which is more happiness).
Anyways friend, thanks for listening to my random thoughts. My smartphone is off for today, I plan to enjoy a nice trip to the Golden Gate Bridge with Cindy, her mom, and her dad, and to live like today was my last! Farewell friend, and have a beautiful day :)
Btw, if you have nothing to do today, don’t forget to read a free copy of the book: “The Street Portrait Manual“.
“You can’t control the results, only the effort.” – Ryan Holiday
Ryan Holiday is a guy I admire very much he’s about my age, and has accomplished a lot. He’s a best selling author, practicing stoic (highly recommend his book, “The Obstacle is the Way), passionate blogger, and overall down to earth guy.
I read this quote on his Twitter a while back, and it really struck a chord with me.
In life, we are told that if we work hard, we will achieve everything we want in life.
Not necessarily.
We can control the effort we put in, but not necessarily the results.
For example in street photography. What can you control in terms of effort? You can decide to shoot everyday, to be focused (turning your phone to airplane mode when shooting), you can decide to invest in photographers books (and not gear), you can call up another photographer to do a critique session together, you can study composition and learn how to “work the scene”, and you can study the work of the masters.
But you can’t control the result.
What is the result in street photography? You ultimately can’t control whether you get a good shot or not. You can’t control the weather (although you can control when you go out and shoot), you can’t control what people look like, you can’t control what the city you shoot in looks like, and you can’t control whether all the elements of a scene will come together perfectly.
But we can control the editing process; deciding which shots to keep, and which to ditch.
So this is today’s meditation: detach yourself from the results, and enjoy the process.
I’m easily disappointed. I want every photo I take to be brilliant. But 99.9% of the time, I take shitty photos. If I get 1 shot I’m happy with every 50 rolls of film, I’m doing well.
The problem I have with shooting digital is this: it makes me focus too much on the results, not the effort.
Having an LCD screen on a camera is a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that when we’re starting off as beginners, “chimping” helps us quickly learn from our mistakes. But as we get more experienced, the LCD screen is a crutch; it is more of a nicotine addiction. Checking the LCD screen is a sign of our insecurity.
Furthermore, assuming that a good street photographer only gets one good shot a month, the likelihood of one photo being half good is a extremely low probability. Checking your LCD screen every hour, or checking your photos on your computer everyday, has a very low “signal to noise” ratio. “Signal” are the good shots that we get. “Noise” is the bad photos that we take. So after 8 hours of shooting in a single day will result in a few (or no) good photos and a lot of bad photos.
Furthermore I find that the expense of shooting film is a blessing, not a curse. Why? Whenever I’m about to click the shutter, I got “skin in the game”, meaning, everytime I click the shutter it costs me something. Therefore I am very considerate before I take an image. I’m a lot more picky and selective before I shoot.
“But don’t you lose a lot of shots because you’re afraid to click the shutter?”
Not at all. What I do is this: I’m picky with the scenes I decide to shoot, but once I find an interesting scene, I’ll shoot an entire roll of film on it.
For example, I might go an entire day of not seeing anything interesting. But once I see something good, I’ll “shoot the shit out of it.” So rather than taking 1-2 photos of everything, just identify 3 good scenes a day, and try to shoot 30+ photos of each scene.
If you shoot digital, take 50, 100+ photos of the scene. For one of Alex Webb’s most famous “Barber Shop” image in istanbul, he shot 10 rolls of Kodak Kodachrome on it. Like Henri Cartier-Bresson once said, “Sometimes you got to milk the cow a lot to get a little bit of cheese.”
Apparently even Josef Koudelka shoots 1,000 rolls of film a year. And his book “Exiles” which took him over 10 years contains fewer than 80 images. Less is more.
Morale of the story? Shoot a lot of photos, but be very selective which you decide to keep.
Don’t be disappointed
Ultimately you shoot street photography because you love it. You have enough stress and disappointment from your job, income, family life, etc. Why add additional stress, anxiety, and disappointment to your photography — which should be your joy and passion?
Hustle hard when you’re shooting on the streets, but fuck the results. Of course you want to get good shots, but don’t be disappointed if you don’t.
How can we be less disappointed when we’re shooting on the streets? Some ideas:
1. Don’t chimp
Turn off your LCD preview. If you can’t control yourself, tape it up with gaffers tape. Better yet, shoot film (then you truly won’t be tempted). I have no self control when it comes to chimping, so shooting film is the ultimate solution.
Also make it a point to look at your images infrequently as possible. I’d say if you shoot digital, let your photos “marinate” for at least a week before looking at them on your computer. On top of that, I’d suggest waiting at least a month before deciding to upload them. For me personally, it takes me about a year before I can fully emotionally detach myself from my images and identify whether my shots are truly good or not.
2. Enjoy the walk and a nice coffee
One piece of advice I got from my friend Jack Simon: don’t go out and shoot “street photography.” Just tell yourself: “Today I’m going to go on a nice walk, enjoy the city, have a nice chat with some strangers, and enjoy a nice coffee. And I’ll just take photos of whatever is interesting to me along the way.”
Enjoy the process. The journey is the reward.
“The good traveler is not intent on arriving.” – Laozi
3. Don’t upload your shots
I think more photographers should keep their work offline, and not publish their shots until they’re truly ready.
This is also great because it allows us to make images we’re happy with, rather than just uploading images that please others.
Whenever I upload an image to social media it is a lose/lose situation. If I get a lot of “likes” on a shot, then that becomes my new standard. And if I get any fewer “likes” than that, I get disappointed.
For example, before I deleted Instagram from my phone last week, I would get (on average) 800-1000 “likes” a shot. This made me hungry for more. But whenever I got “only” 500 likes, it would make me feel shitty. I would self doubt myself, my inner serenity would be disturbed, and I would feel like a failure.
Not uploading any new shots has been insanely refreshing. I feel more peace of mind, more happy, and less stressed.
So if you’re addicted to social media and the approval of those little virtual red hearts, try an experiment: go 30 days without using any social media. Just uninstall Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr, Flickr, whatever from your phone for a month. See how you like it, you can always reinstall it after the 30 days.
Conclusion
Don’t worry about making good photos. First of all, just enjoy yourself. Have fun. Don’t add unnecessary pressure or stress or disappointment in life. We already deal with enough of that bullshit.
But still, hustle hard, try to push your limits in street photography (only compare yourself to yourself), and realize photography is a journey.
Godspeed my friend, you got this shit!
Love,
Eric
*On the way from Stockholm back to Berkeley! So excited to see cindy back home, and wish me a safe flight. Got 2 transfers, one in Frankfurt, another in Montreal. Gonna also try fasting from eating, apparently it helps with jetlag. We’ll see. Lots of cool new stuff I have planned for the blog, plan in printing more physical books (art books and instructional manuals), etc. So stay in the loop, and thanks always for your love generosity, and time in reading this.
I have a problem I need to share with you: I have a huge ego.
I love compliments, I love external validation, and I absolutely hate being criticized, judged, or ignored.
Recently one of the things I am trying to do in life is to kill my ego.
How am I trying to do this? I want to share some practical things I have been doing in my life, which has helped me (a bit).
First of all, I don’t try to self-identify myself. I just see myself as a bag of bones, flesh, and a mind that is just an inter-connected bunch of electrical activity in my brain. I don’t see myself as having a “soul” necessarily (although I do believe that others have souls).
How do I learn to better not self-identify with myself? I try the best of my extent to not use the words “mine”, “I”, “Eric”, etc. Sure I often have to use the word “I” when writing (it just flows better), but I try to eliminate it from all other forms of my life.
For example, I am extremely defensive and self-critical of the photos that I take. Whenever people criticize the photos I take, I take it personally. However what has helped me is that no longer call them “my” photos, but “the” photos.
What is the difference?
By referring to the photos I take as “the” photos, I am emotionally disconnecting myself from it. I don’t see the photos as my own children, nor do I even try to remember that I shot the images. Rather, the photos exist by themselves, as an external thing outside of me.
Therefore this helps me to be more critical to the photos I take. After all, it is easier to always criticize the photos of others. So I try to think to myself and imagine that the photos I took were actually shot by someone else. Then I can be brutally critical and honest, and take out the chainsaw and “kill my babies.”
Secondly, I try to practice self-deprecating humor. That means, taking the piss out of yourself, or making fun of yourself.
For example, I got into an argument with Cindy the other day, and she criticized me for some of my behavior. Rather than becoming defensive and justifying my behavior, I simply agreed, and then brought up other faults that I had that I told her that I wanted to work on.
Similarly with photos, whenever they get criticized, I try to point out the other faults in the photos, and also share the fact that I am not a good photographer; simply trying to improve.
Another example: whenever people leave negative comments on the blog by telling me that I am a shitty writer or photographer, I try to retort by saying: “I am a terrible cook as well, and don’t fold my sheets in the morning.”
I also need to remind myself that at the end of the day, I don’t really matter. I am nothing but a tiny ant in a huge ant colony. If you zoomed out on Google maps, identified my house, you would see how fucking tiny it was. Even smaller; my tiny human body, my tiny human mind, and all of my petty possessions.
One thing I mentioned in earlier letters to you, my friend, is how I am trying to be less materialistic, and not be attached to my physical stuff. I am now experimenting with another rule: everyday try to donate 1 physical object, or give it away to a friend. Eventually I want to reach the point where I am absolutely free of all baggage of physical materials.
Even at the moment, I am starting to realize all the superfluous baggage and physical shit that I have.
I recently have become attached to my Kindle, which is a bad thing. I realize that the Kindle is just another superfluous item; I would prefer to just travel with 2 wonderful paper-back books (“Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius, “Letters From a Stoic” by Seneca) than having to overwhelm myself with having too many books.
Even when I plan to move to Vietnam, I think if I could only bring 1 photobook it would be “Exiles” by Josef Koudelka. The book is an experience; everytime I look through it, I experience a different story, a different set of emotions, and am never short of inspiration.
Even with my smartphone, I have been uninstalling one app a day from my phone. I recently got rid of my email from my phone, Evernote, Spotify, and other applications I thought were “essentials.” Currently the only apps I use on it are Google Maps, texting, What’s app, and not much else. And to be honest, I don’t even need those things, a “dumb-phone” will probably be sufficient. My dream is to (eventually) not own a smartphone, and to go “phone-less.”
But the problem is that my ego is attached to my physical stuff. I am currently going through old photo albums, old knick-knacks, and other physical remnants from my past (high school) – and I realize; I am no longer that person in the photograph. I am a totally different person, so why become attached to that past? And if you think about it, throwing away an old photo album shouldn’t cause physical or mental pain (but yet it does). Why does it? Because we are attached to our sense of ego; that we think that we are the photos, but we’re not.
Lately, I’ve also been trying to take fewer photos. I try to savor the moment, rather than frantically documenting every moment of my life. I am trying to approach a new “wu-wei” style of “unforced” photography, where I don’t need to photograph everything out of a sense of obligation, but to only take photos when I truly want to.
Today I am going to Napa Valley with Cindy and both of her parents. In the past I might have brought all of my cameras, film, gear, and stuff like that. For this trip, I’m just bringing my smartphone, and don’t feel obliged to take photos if I don’t want to. In-fact, I have learned from a psychological study that whenever we take photos of events in our lives, we are actually less likely to remember it. Why? Because whenever we document an event in our lives, we are subconsciously telling our brain: “Oh don’t worry about trying to commit this to memory, because we can always look at photos in the future.” But the problem is that honestly, we will probably never look at those photos again. Another reason I stopped taking photos of my food: I used to try to take photos of all these fancy meals that I had, but realized a funny truth: I never looked back at these photos. So why shoot them, and who gives a shit what kind of food that I put into my stomach? I’m just going to shit it out anyways.
Another problem I have been having recently: I’m starting to seriously re-think the idea of shooting film. I love the process, I love the zen-ness of it all, but the idea of having all these rolls of film and negative encumbering me is a nightmare. I currently went through the closet, looked at all of my (very unorganized) negatives, and thought to myself: “Holy shit, will I ever have the opportunity to re-scan all these negatives? And to be frank, will I be sad if I lost these negatives?”
The only reason I would probably keep my negatives is the hope that some archivist or historian keeps a record of my negatives, for “posterity” or whatever. Almost like how Gary Winogrand died with several thousand negatives of undeveloped film, and he just let others take care of it.
But anyways, I gotta head out, pick up a rental car, and pick up Cindy’s parents from the airports. I hope these random musings are of some help to you friend, and I will share some other thoughts in the future about how I am trying to actively kill my (very big) ego.
Love always,
Eric
8:45am, Sunday, September 6, 2015 (after 4 shots of espresso)
I want to share some meditations and thoughts that are currently on my mind– and perhaps tell some stories. Thank you for being a good friend and listening :)
Okay, so I woke up today, lied in bed, and suddenly this thought came to my head:
“Cultivate Your Own Garden”
I woke up naturally in bed, and am still pretty jetlagged, so I knew it was probably pretty damn early. It was pitch black, I slept last night at around midnight (compared to around 8:30pm the night before), so my body was pretty exhausted. But at the same time, I knew that I had to write this article on this concept of “cultivating your own garden” — it felt like my moral duty.
I dragged my wretched body to the shower, took an ice cold shower (feel much better now), looked in the mirror, and saw the deep, black bags under my eyes. God, for a 27-year old I look like a fucking old man.
Regardless, I felt a great sense of privilege and duty. I have a stronger calling in life, than just lying around in bed and sleeping. Here was a thought that came to mind, one of my favorite passages from Marcus Aurelius’ “Meditations” (one of the 3 books I would have on my deathbed). It took me a bit flipping around my personal (paperback) book copy to find it, but here it is:
“At day’s first light have in readiness, against disinclination to leave your bed, the thought that ‘I am rising for the work of man‘ Must I grumble at setting out to do what I was born for, and for the sake of which I have been brought into the world? Is this the purpose of my creation, to lie here under the blankets and keep myself warm? ‘Ah, but it is a great deal more pleasant!’ Was it for pleasure then, that you were born, and not for work, not for effort? Look at the plants, the sparrows, ants, spiders, bees, all busy at their own tasks, each doing his part towards a coherent world-order; and will you refuse man’s share of the work, instead of being prompt to carry out Nature’s bidding?”
I walk out into the kitchen, prepare a nice espresso, and look at the clock: 5:00am. Not bad.
Cultivating your own garden
So friend, I want to share with you a story. Currently my younger sister Anna is having some difficulties in her life; in terms of finding what her life’s passion is, what makes her happy, and how to live a fulfilling life to contribute to society.
As a follower of “Stoic” philosophy, one of my main tenets in life is to live my life for others; for the good of others and society. So at first, I gave my sister advice in terms of asking her: “How can you best use your God-given talents, to contribute to the most people of society, as a whole?”
I quickly realized that this was the wrong answer to give her. Because she didn’t know what her talents were, nor did she know a way she could apply her talents to help “society at large.”
It is a pretty difficult concept to think about how one can help hundreds, if not thousands of people out there. I am lucky in the sense that I know that I can reach a large audience with this blog, as I have the stats that show me that I am doing it. But at the end of the day, I write this letter for you, my dear friend, not for the many. It is easier to try to help one individual, than try to help millions (and much easier to visualize too).
But before one tries to help society, another person– I believe that one needs to help themselves.
This is where this concept of “cultivating your own garden” comes from.
Another philosopher I greatly admire is Epicurus, a Greek philosopher (341-271BC) who made one of the most influential schools focused on the pursuit of happiness. He was born on the Greek island of Samos, and he operated “The Garden” — a school devoted to philosophy and communal living, which was based outside of Athens.
I first came across this concept of “cultivating your own garden” from a book written by a scholar on Epicurus, titled: “Reclaiming Epicurus“. Here is a nice quote from the book:
“All that is very well but let us cultivate our garden” – Voltaire
The whole philosophy of Epicurus was this; to seek “pleasure” by seeking “absence of pain”. The 4 tenants of Epicureanism were distilled into these concepts:
Nothing to fear in God;
Nothing to feel in Death;
Good can be attained;
Evil can be endured.
In other words:
Don’t be afraid of God
Don’t be afraid of Death
Realize you can be happy with little
Don’t be afraid of bad things happening to you (because you will be able to have the strength, courage, and tenacity to endure it).
What made the philosophy of Epicureanism highly criticized was that it sounded like it promoted the values of social detachment, as it encouraged individuals to retreat from society, and seek inner-solitude, peace, and contentment (rather than interacting with the public world at large). This is why the Stoic philosophers criticized Epicurus and his followers, as they thought them as selfish, navel-gazing good-for-nothings who simply lived for their own pleasure.
The early philosophy of Epicureanism is very similar to Buddhism– to seek happiness in life, first rid yourself of stress, anxiety, desire, and frustration. Then you can reach out to help others.
Don’t think you’re selfish
Okay friend, so I know a lot of people who want to seek happiness in life. They are frustrated with their own lives. They are dissatisfied with their jobs, their family lives, their lack of time to do what they are passionate about, their lack of money, and deal with a lot of stress and anxiety in their lives.
So what is the first step to living a fulfilling life?
I think it is by starting to cultivate your own garden.
Imagine you have a garden. To cultivate your own garden is to take out the weeds, insects, pests, and other shit from your own garden (before attending to and helping out the garden of others).
So imagine your garden which is infested with aphids (eating your delicious tomato plants), with snails (little fuckers who also like to eat everything), with your plants wilted and dying (they need more water, light, attention, and love), and weeds growing out of control.
Before you just add water and sunlight to your garden, you need to first start by removing the pests. You need to kill the aphids (pesticide or attacking them with ladybugs), you need to kill the snails (take them off your leaves, and toss them into a garbage bag with salt– no that is cruel, I did that as a child and it mentally scarred me), you need to also make sure you don’t have random wild animals eating plants from your garden in the evening (perhaps cage off your plants with some wire).
Secondly, you need to start nourishing your plants. You can start off nourishing your plants by starting to add water, fertilizer, light, and love.
Then and only then, can you start having a healthy garden. And then and only then, can you start attending to the gardens of others in your neighborhood and helping them out. After all, it makes no sense for you to try to help tending the gardens of others (if your own garden is a fucking nightmare).
I think this is a good philosophy we can apply to life.
So to restart, our own garden infested with pests and insects is like our own lives being infected with negative people, with back-stabbers, with shit-talkers, gossipers, and other people who drain you of mental energy, physical energy, and emotional energy. You need to start off by eliminating all the negative people in your life.
“But they are my friends! What will they think of me? Isn’t that me just being selfish? But I know they’re not perfect, but who is? I just want to help them out!”
Let me bring you a real-life example:
My father is someone I have cut out of my life recently, and it is something that I did that pained me a lot. Long story short, he was a mentally and physically abusive father to my Mom, compulsive gambler (would sometimes gamble away our rent money, and even gambled away some money I lent him as a 16-year old), and leech to the family. I don’t blame him; I honestly think he had some serious mental issues that he just took out on the family. Now I have nothing but love for him, but I have made the conscious decision to cut him out of my life, because he was like a cancer, a tumor, or a black cloud that was sucking out energy, life, and joy from my life.
The problem was this: because he added so much emotional guilt and blackmail to my life, I couldn’t be of help to others. I was constantly thinking negative thoughts in my life, and that would deeply affect the lives of those close to me.
First of all, I would take out all this negative emotions and thoughts on Cindy. This would then cause her more stress and anxiety (if she didn’t have enough). Not only that, but I would tell my personal issues regarding my father to my mother, who would also feel guilty for not being a more supportive mother.
I tried to essentially “save” my father, by trying to spend more time with him, by trying to console him, and trying to be a “good son”. Part of this was me trying to be a good human being, part of this was this sense of “filial piety” (Asians feeling indebted to their parents), and part of this was a feeling of guilt– that I somehow owed him something (when in reality I didn’t).
But anyways, the more time I spent with him, the more his negativity, brainwashing, and cancer of bullshit ideas started to permeate my thoughts. The only way I can describe it is this: imagine if someone threw you into the sewer, and suddenly you were covered with shit, piss, and imagine how you would smell. No matter how hard you try, you can never really scrub off that smell from your body.
Similarly, spending time with negative people is the same way. Once you are exposed to their filth, stench, and negativity– scrubbing that shit off can be near-impossible.
So anyways after about a year of trying to re-connect with my dad and help him, I realized that before I could help him, he had to help himself. And if I truly wanted to dedicate myself to help the “common good” of society as a whole, I needed to cut him off from my life, to remove his negativity– to cultivate my own garden.
So I cut of all ties with him. I blocked his phone number, his text messages, his emails– any sort of way he could communicate with me.
In the beginning it was so fucking painful and difficult. I would seriously get nightmares that he would suddenly die, and then I would feel extreme guilt and remorse that I didn’t do more to help him out while he was still alive. I would feel like a bad son, and feel like a horrible, selfish human being.
But as time went on, I finally started to have some clarity of thought. I started to feel more positive, and less negative. I felt like the dark clouds from my mind’s sky were starting to part; and I could see the light.
Seeing the light
There is a Taoist saying that in order to see the light, you need to take away the dark clouds from your mind.
So to continue, life and happiness is all about removing the negative people, influences, and thoughts from your life.
To use the garden analogy again; it is more effective to remove pests from your garden, then to start using fertilizer for your plants.
Going back to my Dad, I still feel guilt and remorse for not reaching out to him. I talked to my sister Anna about this the other night, and honestly at the end of the day, some people are “unsaveable” and that is just a damn shame. But c’est la vie. That is life. Life goes on. And the only thing we can do is trust God (or whatever super-being or universal will you may believe in) that everything will turn out okay in the end. In Taoism they call it “wu-wei” — not forcing things, and letting the intelligence of the universe guide you through life.
Life is fucking hard
Yeah, it is true– life is fucking hard. I know friend, life is really fucking hard. As Seneca once said, “Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.”
But if you really want to help others; you need to start off by helping yourself.
So don’t feel bad or guilty, start off by helping yourself.
Let me share some more personal anecdotes and stories of how I learned how to cultivate my own garden, before trying to help others. I don’t mean to share these ideas as a way to say that I am somehow better than you or “enlightened” — because I’m not. I’m just another wretched and psychologically troubled human being trying to rid my mind of negativity and bullshit, in order to live a “happy”, “fulfilling”, and “productive” life.
1. Be selfish with your time
The most valuable currency you have in the world isn’t money, but time. Time is the ultimate non-renewable resource. If you lose $100, you can easily earn another $100. But if you lose a year of your life, you can never “gain” another year of your life. Life is a ticking death clock, and everyday you are living one less day of your life. Death approaches one day at a time.
The ironic thing is that we are so stingy with our money, but (overly) generous with our time (to a fault). This is because money is a tangible thing, whereas time is intangible. Therefore we don’t value our time.
So the first thing that I learned is that in order to cultivate my own garden, I need to be stingy, frugal, and selfish with my time.
I said this before, but one of my new goals for this year is to (as little as possible) go to “meetings”, especially partake in this beastly thing called “networking.”
At the end of the day, it is a huge waste of your time. Apparently the way that Seth Godin is able to be so prolific as a writer, blogger, and author is that he doesn’t go to any meetings.
Not only that, but every “meeting” can fuck up your entire day and schedule.
For example, I have been to a lot of “networking meetings” in San Francisco. It takes me an entire day. I have to leave my house, either drive into the city (now I don’t have a car, I would have to take public transportation for 1.5 hours), wait for the person, try to contact them, have a coffee, and then maybe have a lunch, eat a little too much, then get food coma, want to take a nap, go home, and end the day not feeling productive at all.
Another personal rule I have been trying to institute in my life: I don’t schedule anything before noon. Why? The morning is my golden time to read, write, and do things that I feel truly make my “heart sing”. I am the most productive in the mornings, so I need to be as selfish and greedy with that time as humanly possible, in order to help the greater good.
So also for you my friend, learn to be more greedy with your time. Don’t have an “Atlas Complex”– feeling like you need to hold the weight of the entire world on your shoulders. Give yourself some space, time, and energy for yourself (before giving it to others).
For example, be selfish with your time after work. After 6pm, make your default answer “no” to any sort of extracurricular activities you aren’t passionate about.
The funny thing is especially with a lot of introverted people, they feel constantly pressured by extroverts (people like me) to go out, party, hangout, and have a good time. They are constantly criticized for being “loners” and there are billions of self-help books that teach you to “never have lunch alone”, to always go out and network, to always build new connections, and to always say “Yes” to every single opportunity that comes.
But no, fuck that. Say no. If you want more time to shoot street photography, you need to CUT from your life. You need to cut extracurricular activities. You need to cut those pre-scheduled gym classes or 7pm Yoga classes you aren’t passionate about. If photography is the most important thing in your life (or you want more time to shoot), say NO to having dinner or a beer with friends or people you don’t really care about. And even if they are someone you care about (but shooting photography is more important than having dinner and chatting about random stuff), have the courage to say NO.
What else can you say “no” to in life to find more “free time”? Some ideas:
No to Netflix
No to smartphone notifications (either set your phone on mute, turn off notifications, uninstall apps that bother you, or do what I do; uninstall one app from your phone a day)
No to networking meetings
No to dinner or drinks with people you don’t really care about
No to “side-projects” from your boss at work
No to checking email after 6pm and you’re done with work
No working on the weekends
No playing video games
No reading newspapers
No reading magazines
No surfing the web (reddit, Facebook, other social media sites)
Be selfish, greedy, and protective of your time– it is the most valuable thing in life you have.
Then use that spare time to cultivate your own garden, however it makes you happy. Use that time to shoot photography, visit exhibitions on the weekends, read photography books, meet other photographers, have your work critiqued by others, sit at home and edit your shots, sequence new projects or series, print your photos (either on a home printer or in a darkroom), develop some film, watch a photo documentary (make sure to watch “Salt of the Earth” by Sebastiao Salgado), or cook a meal for a loved one (everyday I am trying to cook a new fancy dinner for Cindy).
And realize at the end of the day, photography isn’t the most important thing in life. The most important thing is your personal happiness; which you can derive from photography, any sort of other creative pursuit, friends and family you truly care about, and living a life in accordance with your own personal values and ethics.
2. Disassociating yourself with others
I have a problem: I cannot say “no” to people. I am a total push-over. I have always been one of the kids who have been easily peer-pressured into doing things against my own will. Even now as an adult, I have a hard time saying “no” to my good friends, especially when they peer pressure me to drink alcohol (I prefer not to drink alcohol anymore, as it makes me feel shitty, gives me hangovers, and ruins my sleep), when it comes to going out late at night (I prefer to sleep early now, so I can wake up early and write), when it comes to eating unhealthy food (I don’t like excess fat on my body, and unhealthy food makes me feel like shit). I am so easily influenced by others, and don’t want to disappoint others.
Here is some wisdom that I have learned from Epicurus (another Stoic philosopher) who has helped give me some peace of mind when it comes to ignoring what others think of me, and following my own heart and path:
“You should be especially careful when associating with one of your former friends or acquaintances not to sink to their level; otherwise you will lose yourself. If you are troubled by the idea that ‘He’ll think I’m boring and won’t treat me the way he used to,’ remember that everything comes at a price. It isn’t possible to change your behavior and still be the same person you were before.”
Epicurus continues:
“So choose: either regain the love of your old friends by reverting to your former self or remain better than you once were and forfeit their attention.”
Sometimes when you pursue some new passions and directions in life, you will be ridiculed, tempted, and detracted by friends, colleagues, co-workers, family members (who might be jealous of you):
“Formerly, when you were devoted to worthless pursuits, your friends found you congenial company. But you can’t be a hit in both roles. To the extent to cultivate one you will fall short in the other. You can’t seem as affable to your old cronies if you don’t go out drinking with them as of old. So choose whether you want to be a charming drunk in their company, or dull and sober on your own. You can’t expect the same reception from the group you used to associate with if you don’t go carousing with them regularly anymore.”
It is really fucking hard, but we need to value our own beliefs and virtues over what even our close friends might think of us:
“You have a choice: if you value dignity and restraint over being called a ‘sport’ by your old mates, then forget other considerations, renounce them, walk away and have nothing more to do with that crowd. If you don’t like that, then commit to the opposite course with all your heart. Join the [wretched] set, become one of the degenerates– do as they do and indulge your every impulse and desire. Jump around and yell at a musical performance, what’s to stop you now?”
Sometimes we let the dregs or mental residue of the past hold us back.
If you have ever moved away from home, and going back home and visiting your old friends, it might feel awkward and strange. You have moved on a lot mentally and life-wise as a human being, but it seems your friends are stuck in the same old place, doing the same old shit as before. They haven’t really “grown up” in the same way you feel like you have.
Another problem that I have is that I feel indebted to my friends, because they were my friends in the past, and I feel like I need to be close friends with them now.
But in reality, you aren’t the same person you were a year ago, 10 years ago, and certainly not 20+ years old.
So don’t feel bad breaking ties with friends that you no longer associate with, with friends that no longer share similar life-goals and visions as you, and feel some sort of “obligation” towards them.
Be selfish, but for the greater good. Learn how to cultivate your own garden, your own beliefs, your own values, your own morales, and know that you do carry the risk of being called an outcast by your (former) loved ones.
But that is the price of freedom, and remember as Epictetus said, “Everything comes at a price.”
3. Disappoint people
In cultivating your own garden, you will disappoint and perhaps piss off some people.
For example, I find one of the things that screws up my clarity of thought the most is answering emails. To be frank, I don’t get a lot of emails anymore, and most of them are lovely emails from past students, from friends, that are giving me thanks or words of encouragement. But then again, there are a lot of emails that I get that are “work-related”, that distract me from my pure passion in life; writing, reading, teaching, and helping our my loved ones.
Whenever I want to get into the “zone” of writing, I need to abstain from checking my inbox for at least 2-3 days. I want to share another story from “The Second Book of the Tao” of a master bell-maker, who was able to focus his mind and create the most beautiful bells (after emptying his mind, and going into seclusion):
“After three days of meditating, I no longer have any thoughts of praise or blame. After five days, I no longer have any thoughts of success or failure. After seven days, I’m not identified with a body. All my power is focused on my task; there are no distractions. At that point, I enter the mountain forest. I examine the trees until exactly the right one appears. If I can see a bell stand inside it, the real work is done, and all I have to do is get started. Thus I harmonize inner and outer. That’s why people think that my work must be superhuman.â€
Similarly, my problem is that I am easily distracted. I am like a pigeon, if I see something shiny, I totally go off-course.
So my deepest apologies if you are reading this, and I haven’t answered your email yet. Trust me, it is for the greater good.
And honestly, at the end of the day, nothing is really that important in your email inbox. Nobody is going to die. Nobody sends you an email and tells you, “Eric, your mother has just passed away.”
Furthermore, any information that is really important somehow finds its way to you.
But once again, my fear is that I am afraid of disappointing people, of letting people down, or being “irresponsible.”
But once again, you need to learn how to disappoint people, let people down, and be “irresponsible” for the greater good. By focusing on your life’s task, you will (unintentionally) hurt the feelings of others.
So when pursuing your passion in life, let’s say it is photography– you are going to have to make sacrifices. Perhaps on the weekend, and your primary concern is to shoot. But a good friend invites you to some party, and you don’t want to go. Be honest and tell them that you already made plans. Your friend might be sad and disappointed– and that is tough. But it is the price you need to be willing to pay to “cultivate your own garden.”
Conclusion
Okay, it is now 6:42am, I am starting to feel my throat do that weird swelling-up thing (had 3 espressos), and my body is feeling pretty fucking exhausted.
To sum up, learn to first cultivate your own garden before trying to help the garden of others. Start off by cutting off the extraneous bullshit of your life, by cutting out negative people and pests from your life, and then finally having the space in your garden to give your plants light, water, fertilizer, and love– in order to grow.
Your photography is like a garden. You need to give it time, attention, and love to grow. You can’t expect to simply water it every once in a while, let it become overgrown with weeds, if you want your little seedling to become a juicy strawberry plant. And the strawberries (or fruit) is an analogy for the work that you produce.
Don’t feel guilty by focusing your time and attention on yourself before others. If you’re barely paying the rent, don’t burden yourself by trying to donate $100 to help starving kids in Africa. If your mental state is not good, don’t burden yourself by trying to relieve the suffering of a friend. If your photography is suffering, learn to first cure yourself of your mental ills before you go out party and have beers with friends.
Cultivate your own garden, then help water the gardens of others.
Love,
Eric
Written at Saturday, September 5, 6:46am, in my beautiful home in Berkeley.
Plans for today
So some random stuff– I will probably crash, take a nap on the couch, read a little bit more Stoic philosophy, and today I am really excited to visit Dolores Park in the Mission in SF with Grace and Justin, two of my closest friends. We will have a nice picnic, enjoy a nice lazy lunch and day, and have the time to catch up with them after being on the road for two months. I am so blessed to have wonderful friends like them.
So also don’t forget friend, sometimes cultivating your own garden is to spend time with loved ones. Because at the end of the day, fuck our art and photography and whatever. It is the relationships that (ultimately) matter the most, at least for me.
Street Photography Quick Links is a compilation of Links, Projects, News, Videos, Events, or anything that is related to street photography or photography in particular that I have personally consumed. Perhaps these might interest you or make you think. If you want to send some links my way, details will be at the post below.
Mr. Steinmetz is one of those classic guys. He’s a Winogrand disciple but unlike Winogrand, Mark I think has a slower and more deliberate approach to photographing. It’s still there and present but there is no rush. His latest work, The Players took 4-5 years to finish. Check out his work and if you want, get a copy of The Players here.
Located in the heart of city, Monas Square is the biggest open public space in Jakarta. Monas square, also called “Merdeka†or Independence square, not only provides an escape and breathing room from the congested capital but it brings people together by serving as a common ground, accessible and utilized by people from different backgrounds and economic classes. The Monas Square is surrounded by trees and grassy area ideal to have a picnic or a family outing, several basketball courts and soccer fields to play pick up games, a place for people to exercise such as jogging or riding their bicycle, and a place for street vendors to sell food or products.  This space is also often used for public concerts and gatherings, bazaars, festivals, and numerous local social events. In the middle of the square is a 132m tower called Monas, or Nasional Monument, symbolizing the fight for independence erected by Sukarno, Indonesia’s first president.
All photos were taken with iPhone 4s native camera, edited with Snapseed and instagram filters.
Bruce Gilden Criticisms
After the VICE photo issue project of Bruce Gilden and Stacy Kranitz in Appalachia, the two photographers has received a lot of flak and most of them are towards Gilden. Here are some of those criticisms. The one on vantage is a must read. Love him or hate him, one has to understand that there may have bee a line he crossed when he was doing his Appalachia story. Perhaps VICE also has to answer for it? At the end of the day, read to be informed.
“The past few days have been hard,†wrote Kranitz on Instagram on June 7th. “I have been on assignment with another photographer, Bruce Gilden. He and I are at odds with the way we make our work. I watched him make portraits and aggressively enter my shot to get his own, while telling me ‘this is my shoot, you are just here’ I listened as he said disparaging things about people, I listened to his dissatisfaction with people being to [sic] ‘plain’ and late last night I could no longer stand by and continue to feel good about being bullied. He humiliated me in front of a group of church goers and I feel that I may have taken a stand at the wrong moment. That I was not being considerate or mindful of my surroundings either. I don’t hate Bruce or his work but I think turning people into what you want them to be, turning people into ‘self-portraits’ of yourself is complicated and dangerous especially in a place with a history of extraction.â€Â
Gilden has a point of view, for sure, but he also seems to have an agenda that has little to do with the people or places that he’s photographing. Instead of trying to connect the audience empathetically, he triggers a different type of pathos in me. One that has me shaking my head at yet another pathetic attempt to capture Appalachia.
Gilden may be shoving these broken faces in our faces to confront us with what we usually choose to look away from. But his style seems to work against any intention to humanise his subjects. First and foremost, I feel uncomfortable as a viewer – not because of the poverty or abuse etched on to the landscapes of these faces, but because their perceived ugliness is paraded as a kind of latter-day freak show.
Paola Paredes is a 29 year-old Ecuadorian photographer currently based in London. For many years, Paola has kept her homosexuality hidden to her family; but she recently found the courage to sit her parents and sisters at a table to tell them the truth. But Paola did more than that: she set up three cameras around that table to document the entire conversation. In fact, Paola says that the very idea to record hercoming out in pictures was what finally made her decide to reveal the truth.
Richard Bram is a favorite street photographer of mine. He shares some great nuggets of wisdom such as this one:
Do not be easily satisfied. Street photography is a heartbreak. Most of the time you will not come home with a great photo; no one does. What I see most often are lazy ordinary pictures, in focus, exposed properly and with nothing in them at all.
This kickstarter campaign is for reloadable film cassettes. Here’s the kicker, theirs is made out of wood and an eco friendly plastic. Throw some money their way especially if you are a film shooter. #BelieveInFilm
Care to share some links?
If  you have any links, videos, or anything interesting you want to share. Tweet them over to me at @agdemesaphoto or email me the link at contact@agdemesaphoto.com
I want to tell you the exciting start of my day today. I want to share with you as vividly how it felt, and what is on my mind.
I woke up, still feeling a bit drowsy, yet felt alert. I looked around my surroundings. I was in bed, lying next to the love of my life (Cindy). I was a bit hot, and for some strange reason, my body woke up at this natural time. I knew it was probably really early (some ungodly hour), but the first thing that came to my mind was this:
“Thank you God for giving me another day of life, I didn’t expect this, but this is a bonus. I will use this day as faithfully as I can, to the best of my abilities, because I don’t know if I will wake up the next day, and when I will die.â€
I’m not sure why I woke up with this strange sense of gratitude. I think I do now, but will get to that in a second (after taking another sip of this lovely espresso I made).
Anyways, the first thing I do is jump in the shower, and blast it on cold (best way to wake up in the morning). I brush my teeth, go to the living room (on my tippy-toes because I know my neighborhood downstairs is sleeping, did some brief yoga stretches (God I feel like an old and achy old man), put on some clothes, put on some hair wax (makes me feel more “legit†before writing).
I look at the clock on my kitchen stove, and it reads:
3:00am
Oh man, it’s pretty early, but I feel pumped and ready for today.
I just made myself an espresso, and sat down on my kitchen table, with my iPad setup with my keyboard (I just gave away my Windows 8 Laptop to a charity, a friend named Anne runs an organization that teaches programming to underprivileged children, so I have no more laptop), and wanted to share some thoughts with you.
Being alive fucking rocks
Well first of all, I wanted to share with you how fucking awesome it is to be alive, and no matter how much we bitch and moan about our lives, we are blessed.
I have a really good friend named Glen Goh, who lives in Vancouver. He did one of my workshops with Adam Marelli in Venice/Verona a few years back, and we have become good friends since then. He is a devout Catholic, loving husband, loving father, keen and passionate photographer, and overall great human being. He is quite well-off, but he doesn’t flaunt his wealth, and is very frugal, humble, and knows his values and principles.
Anyways, the other day Cindy and I got a very kind email from him. Dr. Morgan, a professor of philosophy that he would take to mass every Sunday, just passed away. We briefly met him when we visited Glen and his wife Sharon in Vancouver. Father Morgan was over 80 years old, lived in an “old person’s homeâ€, was a distinguished professor in Philosophy, and still had fire in his eyes. Even though he was old and frail, he still refused to use a wheelchair, and would try to walk everywhere he could. He was full of energy, gratitude, and humor. Also as a side note, I told him about my love of Stoicism and studying the ancient Greek/Roman philosophers. Dr. Morgan recommended me reading Thomas Aquinas, who I plan on reading.
But anyways, Cindy told me the news of Dr. Morgan dying right before I slept, so perhaps that is why I suddenly woke up today, full of gratitude, and ready to live my life.
You only live once
To be honest, I have no idea when I am going to die. I think about death a lot, especially as someone who is only 27 years old. I honestly at the moment don’t know if I believe in an afterlife (I’m still a practicing Catholic, although not a very good one), but I try to live my life according to the life and teachings of Jesus, to the wisdom of the sages of Stoicism, and even the wise words of Laozi and the Taoist sages.
But regardless of what your background, nationality, religion, personal spiritual beliefs– whatever; know that life is a gift that is to be cherished, and to be appreciated. We are only given one life on this earth, albeit short. Why not use the best of it while we aren’t here?
The secret of happiness: the avoidance of “unhappinessâ€
Friend, I think at the end of the day, we all want to be happy. So I want to share some of my meditations on happiness and making the best of your life while we’re still alive on this little green planet.
First of all, I am starting to believe that happiness isn’t the “pursuit of happinessâ€, but the avoidance of unhappiness.
What do I mean by that?
Well, according to the Epicurean school of philosophy, the philosopher (Epicurus) said that pleasure was the key to happiness. But not the hedonistic type of pleasure where all you are is having sex, eating good food, participating in orgies, getting drunk and fucked up, and whatever. No, it is avoiding pain (mental pain, and physical pain). And he makes a good point; that we know whether something is really necessary or “good†in our life, whether we feel pain in the absence of it.
For example, according to Epicurus, the only 3 main things which cause true pain (which we would die without) is food, water, and freedom from the cold. We feel pain when we are hungry, we feel pain when we are thirsty, and we feel pain when we are cold.
But the funny thing is that these are “nature’s wantsâ€â€“ and they are very subtle and easy to achieve. We live in a society of affluence, where food is cheap and attainable. We have access to clean drinking water (if you want to appreciate water more, watch “Mad Max: Fury Road). We have access to warm clothing (and to those of us who live in warm climates like California, you can survive without a jacket, unlike my friends in Sweden).
But there are all these superfluous things that we don’t need in life, and don’t feel physical pain in the absence of them. This includes having a lot of money (not having a lot of money doesn’t give us physical pain, unless it leads to hunger, thirst, or pain from the cold), this includes driving a fancy car (if you ‘only’ drive a Honda Civic and not a BMW, you are not in physical pain, only perhaps jealous), this includes fame and fortune (you don’t feel physical pain if you have 0 followers on Instagram), and many more things.
Let me continue to hash out thoughts, because this is the best way I can communicate, thank you for bearing with me friend (I know my grammar is horrible, I think I am actually slightly dyslexic, I just recalled that my mom used to take me to “speech therapy†courses as a child).
Anyways, let me get back to the point: What is superfluous (unnecessary), and what causes us “unhappiness�
So let me map out some things (this time in bullet form) what is superfluous):
Having a lot of money
Having a big house
Having fancy clothes
Having an expensive camera
Depending your self-worth on the opinion of others
Having a lot of followers on social media
Having a high-rank in your company
Being famous and being recognized in the streets
And let me map out what makes us unhappy in life:
Being jealous of friends, family, those who make more money than you, who are better-looking than you, and those whose life you wish you had.
Having a shitty boss who is far too demanding, and gives you stress, anxiety, and overworks you.
Feeling stuck in a job that you hate.
Not feeling like we are able to fulfill our “creative potentialâ€.
Having expectations of others (that they will work as hard as we do).
Feeling sorry for ourselves.
Comparing ourselves to others.
Anyways, all of these things that I listed aren’t things that “we†necessarily share. It are the personal ills that I have faced in my life. Everything I write is from personal experience, and I want to share all my scars and pains with you.
Remove 1 thing everyday
So once again going back to the idea of happiness. I think happiness is best dealt as a “negative†concept– in which the avoidance of happiness is far more robust than the “pursuit of happiness.â€
According to Taoism, the fool tries to add 1 new thing to his life everyday. The master tries to remove 1 thing from his life everyday.
Therefore, if you want to truly be happy; don’t seek happiness in terms of pleasure, comfort, or “good†things. Seek pleasure and happiness in your life by cutting out the bullshit; 1 negative thing a day everyday.
So for example, here are some things that I am slowly trying to cut out of my life:
1. Avoiding social media
“Oh my God Eric, you are the king of social media! You are a horrible photographer, the only reason you are â€famous“ is because you know how to game SEO, and pay Google to put you on the top of these search engine rankings! You have no skills. You are a fraud. Sooner or later, your pyramid of cards is going to topple, and I will be here looking at you, and laughing.†– Sincerely, hater
Okay I have received some similar quotes to the one above (this one is fictional). I have a lot of “haters†on social media; but honestly at the end of the day, they are my most “benevolent teachers†(as Laozi would say). They call me out on my bullshit (although in a bit overly critical way), but I love them nonetheless.
But the problem with social media is this: there is an unfavorable asymmetry (credit Nassim Taleb).
What do I mean by an “unfavorable asymmetry?â€
What I mean is this: in social media, we have more to lose than gain.
For example, the pain of getting a few comments (or worse, no comments or likes at all) is worse than the joy of getting lots of comments and like’s on photos.
For example, before I uninstalled Instagram from my phone about a week ago, I would get on average 1,000+ “likes†per image. Now in the past, I would have been absolutely fucking thrilled to get those many likes on my images. But now, it has become my new “norm†(I guess this is kind of how lottery winners feel after winning a million bucks, first extreme happiness and appreciation, then “regression to the norm.â€).
Anyways, the thing is whenever I got my expected amount of “likes†(1,000) I would feel indifferent and “whateverâ€. If I got more than 1,000 likes (let’s say 1,300) I would be fucking thrilled and quite excited, but not so excited that I would do cartwheels. I would take back a step and say I didn’t feel “fucking thrilledâ€, but more like “pleasantly amused.â€
But whenever I got anything less than 1,000 “likesâ€, I would feel like shit. I would ask myself, “What did I do wrong? Do people suddenly not love me anymore? What’s wrong with this image?†This would then disturb my inner-serenity, and I would start to second-guess and doubt myself. I would start to feel anxious, frustrated, and thinking about the next image I could upload to Instagram to get “at least†1,000 likes again, so I could feel good again.
So according to my personal example, the pain of not getting a lot of love on social media outweighs the slight joy of getting more love on social media than you expect.
In psychology, they call this the “treadmill effectâ€, or the “hedonic treadmill.†We are never satisfied. Enough is never enough. We always want and crave more.
2. Avoiding trying to earn more money
Let’s say you start working at an entry-level job at a corporation making $40,000 a year. First year out of college it is fucking awesome, because you were surviving on student loans and eating cup noodles to (barely) survive.
Then you see your colleagues at work who are (obviously) a lot richer than you. They drive BMW’s, wear Rolex watches, talk about their upcoming trips to the Bahamas or New York City, and the fancy restaurants they just ate at.
You now feel jealous and inadequate. Whereas when you started, $40,000 was a lot of money (especially compared to your friends who are still working at the grocery store or at baristas at Starbucks, because they couldn’t get a job with their humanities degree). But now, you need more money, at least $50,000 a year.
So now you try to figure out how to play this tricky game of “corporate politics†– and how you can step over people and work your way up the ladder. You start clocking into your job early. You start wearing nicer (more “professional†clothes). You don’t leave your job until your boss leaves. You send emails on the weekends, and always ask for more responsibilities. You start leaving work later, and start doing “working lunches†at your desk. You start gaining weight, you feel more frustrated, and more anxious. You are desperately waiting for the performance review at the end of the year, so you can get that slight bump in your salary.
At the end of the year, that time comes, and you don’t get the raise. You don’t get that promotion. You also sit down and you realize that an extra $10,000 a year (after taxes) isn’t actually that much more money (just a few hundred bucks a month).
You feel frustrated, confused, and upset. Isn’t more money supposed to make you feel more happy, and isn’t having a fancier title supposed to make you feel more important?
How do I know all of these feelings? Because that person was me.
Anyways; let’s say I did make that $50,000 a year. I would then “upgrade†my lifestyle (they call this “lifestyle creepâ€) by spending more money eating out more, buying nicer clothes (shopping at Banana Republic instead of H&M), I would trade in my used car from 1990 for a new car, and buy new smartphones, iPads, and other electronic gadgets. After each material purchase, my happiness is given a slight bump. Then it goes back to baseline, until I get that next promotion/pay raise.
Let’s say the next year (or perhaps 2), I start earning $60,000 a year. Once again, I move into a nicer apartment, start socializing with other “richer†people, and start talking about fancy cars, sports games, and designer goods. I now start moving up the social ladder and hierarchy, and start associating with richer people. Once again, I start to feel poorer and less adequate, unless I earn $100,00 a year. Then I need to earn $200,000 a year. Then I need to earn $500,000 a year, and then $1 million a year. Fuck a million dollars, I want to be a billionaire. I want to own a boat. I want to own a private jet. I want to own my own private sport’s team. I want to own my own island. I want to own my own spacejet, I want to fly to Mars and colonize it. I want to escape death. I want to be a God.
Okay let me stop for a second– I think I got a bit out of hand. But you know what I mean.
Enough is never enough.
Being grateful for what you have
The solution?
Be grateful for what you have. Be content in this present moment, and know that everything is perfect.
At the moment, Cindy and I don’t have a car. Cindy’s younger sister (Jennifer) got into a car accident and needs a car pretty badly (she commutes in LA, and for anyone who has ever lived in LA, it is literally impossible to survive without a car there). So Cindy came up with this crazy idea: why don’t we try to live a year without a car?
So we have been “car-less†the last 2 days, and it has been the fucking best thing ever.
I seriously don’t remember the last time I “walked†in Berkeley. I also only remember taking the bus once or twice. I spend too much of my time sitting on a chair at home, and generally the only walking I do is to my car (from my apartment) and back.
But not having a car is probably one of the best things that I have done for my happiness (once again, happiness is about subtraction than addition).
Now that I don’t have a car, I am forced to walk everywhere. At first I was like, “But what if I want to visit SF, or visit my family, pick up some stuff at IKEA, or go to Costco?†But not having a car is a “creative constraint†– I need to find out more ways to survive “locallyâ€, and it has been amazing.
First of all, walking around Berkeley has helped me appreciate the small things more. I notice other families walking in the neighborhood, and see the joy that the parents have with the kids (never notice this when I’m stuck in a bubble in my car). I walked around with my camera and ended up taking a bunch more photos than if I were in my car. I started to walk to the local Whole Foods (which is literally right around the corner), and have been buying food everyday, and cooking new dishes for Cindy everyday. I enjoy the feel of the sun on my face, the feeling of the pavement under my feet, and the steadiness of mind, and feeling of “zen†while I am practicing “walking meditation.â€
In a car, I am often more anxious and stressed. I always feel perpetually late for meetings, I hate being stuck in traffic, I always cram my brain and distract myself with podcasts and music, and I always compare myself with others and their cars (having a Prius is “lame†compared to a BMW M3).
But not having a car is the ultimate freedom; if you commit to not having a car, you don’t feel jealous. It is a voluntary choice, so you don’t feel the pain of comparing your car to those of others. You never feel like you need to “upgrade†your car, because you know you won’t have a car in the first place. I guess this is the peace of mind my friends who live in San Francisco have (nobody there owns a car).
Furthermore, taking the bus has been a joy. I have started to chat with strangers on the bus (nice conversations), say hello to the bus driver (always surprised to hear a stranger say hello, I guess most people who ride the bus are quite miserable), and I am even thinking of shooting more “bus street photographyâ€. I also notice my outside surroundings more when on the bus. Furthermore, I am able to read while on the bus (cannot do this when stuck in a car).
But you might think: “But Eric, don’t you feel limited and restricted not having a car?â€
Yes I do– but once again, I need to be crafty and ask myself, “How can this limitation be a benefit? And I have found many so far.â€
Another example; after I got my laptop stolen in Paris (best thing that has happened to me), I got my Windows 8 Laptop/Tablet. It served me well for about a month and a half, and taught me the beauty of Google Docs and using the “cloud†– and knowing that I don’t need an Macbook computer to survive.
But I just donated that Windows 8 laptop/tablet like I mentioned, and my only “laptop-like†device is my iPad at home. The setup I currently have is this: I have a “encase†iPad/keyboard stand, an iPad Air (original), and a bluetooth Apple keyboard attached to it. I am using “IA Writer Pro†as my word processor, and it is the ultimate zen. I literally am not distracted by any superfluous things, except for the text on the screen.
Killing distractions
Also another thing I did so I wouldn’t be distracted; I hid all the apps that I don’t really need into a drawer. Furthermore, to the best of my ability, I have uninstalled all of the superfluous applications from the iPad (for example, I don’t have email on the iPad, Facebook or any other social networking sites, or even the Kindle app, games, etc).
People sometimes ask me, “Eric, how are you such a prolific writer and get so much writing done? How do you focus?â€
Focusing is quite easy if you eliminate distractions.
Trust me, I am the most easily distracted person you will ever meet. I am like a pigeon, if I see something shiny, I will drop everything I am doing and therefore run to it.
So once again, the key to focus is a negative (“via negativa†as Nassim Taleb calls it in his book “Antifragileâ€). You need to remove distractions. You need to remove superfluous activities from your life (networking, gym classes that you hate, family events that aren’t important to you, acquaintances you feel you ‘should’ meet, answering emails when you’re off work, etc). You need to remove hobbies and interests you aren’t really that passionate about (if your primary passion is photography, I’m sorry– I recommend you to drop those cello lessons, your interest in writing, your interest in music-production, or video-gaming).
Our life is short, if we want to truly be happy and great, we need to eliminate all the superfluous and unnecessary things in our lives, and only focus on the essentials.
So for me, I have been trying to slowly (but surely) remove extraneous activities from my life. Let me give you a personal taste:
Videos: I am starting to realize; I don’t really like making videos all that much, especially on YouTube. Sure there are a lot of videos I made in the past that I thoroughly enjoyed in the past, but nowadays I feel that making YouTube videos feels more like an obligation than a passion. I don’t wake up in the morning and say to myself, “Fuck yeah, I’m going to record a YouTube video today!†So unless I have a natural urge to upload a video (or record one), I’m going to stop making videos.
Interviews: I enjoy doing interviews for the blog, but it isn’t my primary concern or passion. There are many other people who do it far better than I do (I highly recommend Blake Andrews’s blog. So I will still do interviews in the future, only when I have a good opportunity– otherwise I can cut it from my diet.
Powerlifting: few of you know, but powerlifting is (or used to be) one of my big passions. I have always had an inferiority complex growing up (being a skinny Asian kid), so I started to hit the gym starting high/school college to get stronger, and bigger. I used to be obsessed with “bodybuilding†(eating a lot of protein shakes and building muscle mass), which soon transformed into a passion for powerlifting (lifting really heavy weights). I found that the problem with powerlifting was this: I would tire myself out too much from powerlifting (wouldn’t give me enough energy to write or do other interesting mental-activities) and after eating a bigass meal (10 eggs+bacon) after a workout, I would be essentially useless for the next 5 hours. So now I just have been sticking to pushups, chin-ups, and 1-legged squats (pistols) to just avoid being a fatass. The benefit? I don’t waste time driving to the gym and back, and don’t have to wait in line for the weights. I can do my workouts efficiently at home, and get back to my most important activities (writing and reading).
Networking: “Networking†meetings rarely ever go anywhere. I only go to them in the hope that they might benefit me in the future– either monetarily, with prestige, or some sort of “opportunity†which will make me more influential or famous. But fuck it, I don’t need any more money, and I certainly don’t care if I have more followers on social media. So my goal is to not network as much as humanly possible, and only spend time with friends and human beings that I genuinely appreciate being around.
Internet: I have mostly subtracted the internet from my diet. I now only use Google to search recipes for dinner, Google Maps to find directions, What’s app to message international friends, and that is pretty much it. The internet (especially blogs) can be so fucking distracting, and kill your clarity of thought. Yeah, the irony is that you’re reading this blog right now. But don’t feel obliged to read any of this stuff, feel free to close this tab and move on. But if you find value in it, I am very happy to have you here friend :)
So these are some of the few things I have been trying to cut out of my life (which are distractions), and now after slowly cutting and editing down my life, I found out what is my true passion and calling in life: writing. It is the thing that puts my mind most at ease, it is the thing that most puts me in a zen-like “flow†state, and it is the thing that I feel like I do that contributes the most to society. Secondly after writing is reading (to come up with ideas and materials to write). Thirdly it is to photograph (helps me connect with others and society). Fourthly, it is to spend time with loved ones and family (yeah I know this should be higher up there, but unfortunately it isn’t at the moment). But at the end of the day, I know my personal relationships will be far more important than my “work.†But please forgive me friend, I am still a work-a-holic American.
Practice an attitude of gratitude
Another secret of life and happiness? Practice gratitude; always. Be grateful for what you have, rather than what you don’t have.
The funny thing– I own a Leica MP and 35mm f/2 Summicron Leica ASPH lens. It is probably the best film camera rangefinder setup that money can afford.
Yet I am not grateful. It isn’t enough. I look at dick-envy with those with digital Leica Monochrom’s, and think that I would be so much happier and creative with them. Sometimes I dream of the bokeh of the Leica Summilux 35mm f/1.4 ASPH (FLE) lens.
But fuck that– I need to remind myself; be grateful for what I have, grateful for the people in my life, and grateful that I am alive.
Honestly at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter (how much) material possessions (or how little) material possessions you have in life. At the end of the day, having good friends, family, and loves ones is the most valuable treasure.
Furthermore, life is the ultimate gift.
I mentioned (way earlier) in this essay how I woke up, jumped out of bed, and was like, “Fuck yeah, another day of life, thank you God!†I want everyday to be a day like this.
But the funny thing is that this is literally the first time that has happened to me in my life (maybe once in the past that I cannot recall).
I once read that in order to be happier in life, write a gratitude journal. What is a “gratittude journal†you ask? In a little notebook (every night before you sleep), write 5 things you are grateful for. It can be for life, for food, shelter, Wi-fi, good coffee, nice beer, whatever. I think even taking it a step further and writing down 5 things you are grateful for in the morning is even better (you start off the day with fresh new eyes; the world is full of possibilities).
So let me share with you the 5 things I am grateful for today (this morning):
I appreciate being given the gift of another day of life.
I appreciate having good friends at the cafe near my house who give me free coffee (and the nice espressos I had this morning).
I appreciate waking up in the morning next to the most beautiful woman in the world (Cindy).
I appreciate waking up early 3am to do what I am passionate and love (writing).
I appreciate that I am perfectly content with everything I have in my life at the moment.
What are one of the big things that causes me a lot of mental pain and anguish? Being ungrateful– and hankering after what I don’t have and what I lack.
So for example, I sometimes lust for a new car, I sometimes lust for a new laptop, I sometimes lust for a new smartphone, I sometimes lust for new clothes, I sometimes lust to live in SF, I sometimes lust to have more money in my bank account, I sometimes lust to own my own home, I sometimes lust to be more famous and influential, I sometimes lust for an expensive espresso machine, I sometimes lust for a new camera.
But if I kill all these desires and lusts, what am I left with? Perfect contentment with what I have, and the life I currently live.
Don’t have preferences
Another thing I have learned which might be helpful to you friend; don’t have preferences.
Why not?
Once you have preferences, you set yourself up for disappointment.
For example, let’s say you “prefer†to shoot with rangefinder cameras. Let’s say you own a digital Leica (an older M9). But then someone steals it. And you also get laid off your job, and you have no money left in your bank account. Now you feel like a slave. You feel upset, frustrated, and angry, because you “prefer†shooting with a Leica, but you can no longer afford one. So going “backwards†(getting a DSLR, or even worse, a Fujifilm camera) will make you feel inadequate and frustrated.
The solution? Be happy with any camera you currently own, are given, or can afford.
Let’s say that you have a preference for shooting street photography in a downtown area closeby your hometown (but still a 30+ drive). You set yourself up for disappointment. Why?
If you’re busy with work, life, and kids, you won’t always have the time to go down there and shoot. You will be frustrated by your preference of shooting in that area. You feel that if you aren’t in that area, you can’t be creative.
The solution? Be grateful for the neighborhood you live, and shoot in your own neighborhood (or even take photos of your friends, family, loved ones). Don’t have a preference for shooting “street photography†(all photography is photography).
Let’s say that you have a preference for drinking designer coffee (like I do). Any espresso pulled on anything less than a “La Marzocco†machine isn’t sufficient. You are a coffee snob (I am).
But the problem is, when you have a preference for good espressos, you can’t deal with shitty gas station coffee. You have an 8-hour drive to see your family in LA, and you are “forced†(poor you) to stop by a Starbucks and have a shitty espresso. The problem? Not everywhere can you find a fancy hipster cafe with good espressos. So by having a preference for good espressos sets you up for disappointment.
The solution? Be appreciate of good espressos, but don’t become dependent on them. Be as happy as drinking instant Nescafe coffee as an expensive $3.00 espresso from Blue Bottle (a tip I need to remind myself).
This goes with everything; with preferences to the type of food you eat, the types of restaurants you visit, the places you visit on holiday, the clothes you wear, the lifestyle you have, the artwork you collect, the photography books you purchase, the books you read, the schedules you setup for yourself, the watches you own, whatever.
Don’t have preferences, and you can be happy in all circumstances, whether shitty or “good.â€
Don’t compare
Another tip of something I have been trying (very hard) to do in my life: not use the words “good†or “badâ€, or “better†or “worse.â€
Why not?
Once you start comparing things as “better†or “worseâ€, you start putting negative labels on things.
For example, what I learned from Taoism (“The Second Book of the Tao†by Stephen Mitchell is excellent) is that things are neither “good†nor “bad†– they are what they are.
For example, one might say that a beautiful white horse that can run at top speeds is “good.†But can the horse catch a mouse? No.
Another example: a lot of people would say that winning a million dollars is a “good†thing. True? Not necessarily. Suddenly after winning a million bucks from the lottery, all your friends turn against you. Old family members start phoning you, asking you for money. You are now in the tabloids, harassed by paparazzi. You start becoming paranoid, and trying to find out ways to hide yourself (and your money) from the public. You start going into depression, you start using your money on cocaine, hookers, and Ferrari’s. You still feel empty. You have nobody to trust anymore, and you want to kill yourself.
Some people would say having a Leica camera is a “good†thing. Not necessarily. A Leica can’t focus very closely (minimum focusing distance is .7 meters). It is quite heavy (made out of solid brass). It is difficult to use and doesn’t have autofocus. If you own a digital Leica, the buffer is slow, the camera sometimes doesn’t turn on, and even the old Leica M9’s have cracking sensors. So a Leica camera isn’t “better†than a Fujifilm x100-series camera. It is just different. More expensive as well.
Sometimes people ask me what is my favorite place to shoot street photography, or the “best†place for street photography. Once again the problem is that once I say “better†it implies that the other place is “worse†for street photography. But in reality, they are just different. You can’t compare apples and oranges. For example, the experience of shooting street photography in NYC versus Michigan is totally different– there are benefits/disadvantages of both. NYC has more people in the streets, but Michigan has more interesting urban landscape. NYC is a bit more hectic and crazy and “interesting†– but the downside is that it has already been shot to death (hard to make an “original†photo in NYC). Michigan can be seen as boring, but the benefit is that the people are friendlier. So don’t think that the city you live isn’t good enough for street photography. Find the hidden benefits.
So long story short; try to eliminate the words “betterâ€, “worseâ€, “goodâ€, or “bad†from your vocabulary. This will give you ultimate freedom and happiness.
No choices is the ultimate freedom
In the “Second Book of the Tao†there is an interesting story about a man who talks to a shadow. The man asks the shadow, “It must be so depressing to be a shadow. You never have any control over your life. You are just constantly following people, doesn’t that make you feel frustrated?â€
The shadow then replies to the man:
“No actually not, it is actually quite nice– not to be stressed with making decisions. Wherever people go, I merely follow. I don’t ask questions. I don’t judge whether the decision is right or wrong, I just go along for the ride and enjoy it.â€
When I first read the story I was like what the fuck– I don’t want to be like that shadow. I want to be free and have unlimited freedom! I want to do what I want to do without others trespassing on my court (the typical American mindset).
But in reality; not having any choices is the ultimate freedom.
Why is that?
Well to start off, the universe has its own intelligence. What will happen, will happen, and should happen. “Everything happens for a reason.†Or they call it “Murphy’s lawâ€: “Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong†(watch the movie ‘Interstellar’ for more insight into this concept).
As human beings we think we can exert control over everything in life. But at the end of the day, we only have some control in life. At the end of the day, we can’t control whether a drunk driver will speed past a red light, hit us, and we will die. We can’t control if we’re in a plane, there is turbulence, the plane gets hit by a lightning bolt, and everyone dies. We can’t control if our parents had some sort of rare disease, and we find out (at age 28) that we have it– and we only have 2 years left to live. We can’t control if people on the internet talk shit about us (I know, just read my YouTube comments). We can’t control whether we will meet the “love of our life†or our “soulmate†(I am just fucking lucky I met Cindy in college). We can’t control these “[butterfly effects(https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly_effect)†in life, the flapping of a butterfly’s wings can cause a tsunami halfway across the world.
So the morale of the story? Go with the flow. Don’t try to control things in life.
In Taoism, they call this “wu-weiâ€: action without action. Not trying to force things. Letting the right decision make itself.
So how have I applied this to my life to be happier?
I try to give up my choices.
For example, I have pared down all of my physical possessions to just 1 of each (okay 2 pairs of clothes when traveling)
I have 1 camera and 1 lens (Leica MP and 35mm f/2 lens)
I have 1 type of film (Kodak Tri-X pushed to 1600)
I have 1 pair of shoes (Nike Free Flyknit 4.0)
I have 2 pairs of boxers (ExOfficio Boxer Brief)
I have 2 pair of shirts (UNIQLO airism)
I have 2 pairs of socks (quick-dry)
I have 1 backpack (Thinktank Perception 15)
I have 1 smartphone (Samsung Galaxy S6)
I have 1 laptop-like device (currently an iPad Air)
I have 1 watch (my beloved red Casio G-Shock)
I have 1 book-reading device (Kindle)
This has given me so much peace of mind and zen it isn’t even funny. I don’t have to make a decision, and this limitation of my physical stuff is fucking true freedom. I don’t have to make a choice about what to use, because I am pared down to the essentials.
Applied to mental concepts this idea of limitations and no choices can work as well:
I have 1 best friend (Cindy)
I have 1 main activity (Writing)
I have 1 main reading interest (Philosophy)
I have 1 favorite beverage (espresso)
I have 1 primary form of exercise (pushup)
I have 1 “social media†to publish on (this blog)
I wear only 1 color (black)
Having no choices (or fewer choices) is something that Steve Jobs and Barack Obama apparently does. Steve Jobs (when he was still alive) only had 1 outfit: his signature black turtleneck, blue jeans, and white shoes. Barack Obama only has 2 suits (one black, one navy) so he has less “decision-making anxiety†and fatigue– and can spend more mental energy making important decisions.
Another concept which shows that having fewer choices and no freedom in life can be a good thing: they call it “paralysis by analysisâ€. The concept is that sometimes you become paralyzed by having too many choices, because you have so many things to analyze. The last time you went to the grocery store to buy some cereal, do you remember how many fucking types of cereal there were? Making that decision was such a stressful endeavor, wasn’t it? The last time you had to buy a camera, remember all the camera reviews you had to read before you found the “perfect†camera? The last time you tried to buy a car, there were so many fucking choices (different colors, car brands, car models, packages, trims, etc) that stressed you out– no?
Barry Schwartz explores this concept in his book: “The Paradox of Choiceâ€, in which the irony of being a human being is that we think that having more choices leads to more happiness. But in reality, having more choices in our life adds stress, complexity, and frustration to our lives.
The solution? Remove more choices from your life, make non-reversible decisions (when you buy something, throw away the receipt), and don’t regret or ruminate on the decisions you’ve already made.
Having no choices in photography
So how are some other ways you can remove choices from your life, to add more happiness and creativity in your life?
Remove the choice of what kind of subject matter to shoot. That means focusing on one theme or project. Set yourself a “creative constraint.â€
For example, make the decision that you cannot shoot anything except “street portraits.†Then you aren’t stressed out; you know exactly what (and what you can’t) shoot. By having focus on just “street portraits†– you know exactly what you’re looking for, and you become focused on faces as a subject-matter, and you end up creating a strong and consistent body of work.
For example, when Richard Avedon did his book: “In the American Westâ€, he only shot with an 8×10 camera, black-and-white large-format film, people in the shade, and against white backgrounds. There were all these limitations, constraints, and lack of choice in his project. But what he did choose and add variety in were his subjects, their poses, and facial expressions. It is one of the best portrait series ever done in history.
Similarly, Josef Koudelka only photographed Gypsies for 10+ years, and they were his only subject matter. Not only that, but he had no choice except one camera and lens: a cheap SLR (I believe it was an “Exakta†camera) and a 25mm lens and black-and-white film. By disregarding any other subject matter, he was able to focus on photographing the Gypsy people, living with them, getting to know them, and creating one of the most incredible socio-ethnographic photographic projects titled: “Gypsies†(yes, the politically correct term is now “Roma†people).
Honestly, having more than 1 camera and 1 lens is just stressful to me. Having more than 1 camera and 1 less is more choices, so my suggestion: commit yourself to literally selling off (or better yet, giving away) all of your cameras, and just commit to 1 camera, 1 lens for a year. And if you shoot film, only 1 type of film. If you shoot digital, only stick to color or black and white. Having no stress in terms of what camera to use is more happiness in your life. I have even taken off the camera application away from the homescreen of my smartphone, and have vowed (for the next year or so) to shoot as little on my smartphone as possible. Only black-and-white film on the Leica (at least for the end of the year, before I move to Vietnam with Cindy).
Set another “creative constraint†by not having a choice to where you photograph. Create a 1-mile radius from your house or workplace, and you are only allowed to shoot there for a month (or better yet, a year). You will probably be forced to step outside of your comfort zone, and force yourself to be creative.
Photography isn’t about finding exotic things, visiting exotic places, and making interesting photos of strange things. Photography is about using the material life has already presented you, and making the best photos with what life has given you. Some of us live in NYC, some of us live in the suburbs of Southern California. Regardless of your position or situation in life, make the best photos with what you have been given in terms of your environment, living situation, whatever.
I know nothing
Okay I’m not some fucking guru or someone who thinks that they know anything. I am not some enlightened Buddhist, nor can I levitate while meditating.
The truth of the matter is I am a wretched soul, full of all these demons, stresses, anxieties, frustrations, and unsteadiness of heart.
I am just sharing with you some ideas that have personally worked well for me (at the moment), so I recommend you to just try it out, and see if it works well for you. Pick and choose. And if you think I’m speaking bullshit, feel free to tell me: “Fuck you Ericâ€, I don’t mind. Because I say that to myself all the time, in the pursuit of trying to find happiness.
So dear friend, I hope this letter served you well, and has helped ease some of the thoughts on your mind, and will eventually lead to (a little bit more) happiness in your life, and less stress, anxiety, frustration, and worry.
Love always,
Eric
Finished writing at 5:25am, after 2 nice espressos, a little nap, some pushups, and relaxation. Friday, 9/4/2015, at my home in Berkeley.
Some random plans for the rest of today:
I have to wake up Cindy in about 30 minutes (for her to have an early start to the day and do some reasons for her classes). I have no fucking clue what I have planned for the rest of the day, which is total bliss.
I want to do a little more reading (finish re-reading the “Second Book of the Taoâ€, visit Artis coffee (the cafe near my house), walk around a bit, ask my younger sister Anna to come over for dinner, and maybe take another nap later. Oh yeah, and excited that I’m going to see a blues show with Cindy in SF today at around 10pm. Hope I won’t be too exhausted after waking up at 3am.
Anyways, thank you for always reading my friend– and Godspeed. Always be grateful for the life you have (rather than the life you don’t have). Count everyday as a blessing, live life to the fullest, and go out and shoot :)
I want to share you with excitement a new idea that I got, from William Eggleston. The concept is quite simple (and I know I have shared this with you in the past) but it is this: Street photography is all about capturing beauty in the mundane.
Almost a year ago, I ordered “From Black and White to Color†from Eggleston, a lovely photobook that is yellow on the outside, and fits nicely on the hand. It is a lot easier to hold and look at than Eggleston’s unweildy “Chromes†(and much cheaper), and also has a great selection of images.
The funny story is that I just got back here to Berkeley, and was cleaning up my apartment. I’m choosing a lot of “normal†books to donate to the Salvation Army, and am starting to figure out what kind of photobooks I want to give away to friends or those who might appreciate them.
Anyways, the funny thing is that I ordered this book: “From Black and White to Color†ages ago, but never opened it. So when I saw it on my shelf, I took off the plastic cling-wrap, sat down on my kitchen table, drank another espresso, and started to look at the images.
What I realized was this: his photos are of nothing– of boring life in Memphis. In the past when I first saw his images, I didn’t “get†them. All of his photos looked like bad snapshots of boring shit. Why was he so famous, well-regarded, and seen as a God of color photography?
I started to realize that his genius and contribution to the photographic world was this: he lived almost his entire life in his boring town of Memphis, and tried his best to make interesting photos of the boring material he was presented with. Although he was rich, he didn’t spend his time in foreign travels, going to Paris or all these other exotic places in the world to make interesting photos. He realized that his own backyard was ample enough, and spent his entire life (quite diligently) to make beautiful images from the banal, boring, mundane, and ordinary.
I complain a lot about the city I live in (Berkeley). I get the “grass is greener on the other side†syndrome in which I am jaded with my current surroundings. I wish I was in San Francisco, Paris, Tokyo, New York, or another exotic location– to make interesting photos.
But what Eggleston has taught me is that the entire world exists in your own backyard; and what matters in photography is how you can make something boring look interesting, rather than trying to capture something interesting in a boring way.
I watched a documentary on Eggleston, and one of his friends (a famous photographer, forget his name) was quite excited to visit Eggleston in Memphis. But once he arrived there, he was massively disappointed. Memphis was boring as shit. Yet, how did Eggleston manage to make interesting photos of where he lived?
Reading a little upon the history of Eggleston, I learned some interesting things.
First of all, he started (like many of us) inspired by the work of Henri Cartier-Bresson. When Eggleston was studying at the University of Mississippi in Oxford, he developed a passionate interest in photography:
“A photographer friend of mine…bought a book of MAgnum work with some Cartier-Bresson pictures that were real fucking art, period.â€
Eggleston idolized Cartier-Bresson, and said:
“I couldn’t imagine doing anything more than making a perfect fake Cartier-Bresson.â€
The funny thing is that Eggleston (like myself) went to Paris to try to imitate Cartier-Bresson, but once he was there, he realized that all the subject-material was already exhausted, and it was pointless for him to “reinvent the wheel.†Apparently the entire visit Eggleston was in Paris, he didn’t even take a single shot.
After Eggleston finished his studies (he didn’t get a degree), he moved to Memphis and made black and white prints in his own darkroom. When he returned to Memphis from his Paris trip, he complained to his friend and mentor Tom Young:
“I don’t particularly like what’s around me.â€
However Young gave him some really great words of wisdom, by replying that this might be a reason to take pictures. Eggleston realized the genius in this idea and said: “You know, that’s not a bad idea.â€
So basically Eggleston had the realization that he needed to confront his immediate surroundings and use them as a source of inspiration for his subjects and images:
“I had to face the fact that what I had to do was go out in foreign landscapes. What was new back then was shopping centers, and I took pictures of them.â€
This is the challenge that I face: I hate looking at my own surroundings, as I think everything as boring, cliche, and uninteresting.
But I need to start asking myself: What is interesting or new or changing in Berkeley? Currently, there is a lot of gentrification happening in the neighborhood. A Whole Foods just entered the neighborhood (ironically next to a Dollar Tree store), hipster coffee shops galore, and that is causing rents to skyrocket. Berkeley was expensive enough, but North Berkeley/Albany (the neighborhood where I live, near the “Gilman Districtâ€) is starting to push out poorer people who can no longer afford rents.
I went to Whole Food’s the other day, and was chilling outside in front of the cafe, enjoying the nice sun and a book (reading philosophy by Epicurus) and overheard a conversation between a man and a woman. The man was sitting in a V8 Mercedes-Benz (turbo-charged), and the woman was commenting on how she loved the sound of the engine, and how she owned a similar model, but without the big engine. The guy started to grin, rev his engine, and was totally showing off his cock. The whole conversation was quite repulsive to me, and really showed the absurdity of the wealth in the area. I then also took a look at the parking lot of Whole Foods; all I saw were BMW’s, Prius’s, Mercedes-Benz’s, Maseratis (a few), and Nissan Leaf’s. Eco-chic, rich, Berkeley folks.
So perhaps I should even do a photography project on the Whole Foods here, and photograph the people in the parking lot, inside the store, and inside the cafe (they even have their own private “Allegro†high-end cafe inside, with $3.00 espressos, which actually don’t taste all that great).
But to get back to the point, I know that you might also be jaded by where you live. You might live in a suburb, you might commute stuck in traffic, you might work in an office cubicle in the middle of nowhere– perhaps some industrial park.
But what do you find interesting in your immediate surroundings? Perhaps you are surrounded by neighbors who all they do is try to “keep up with the Joneses†by buying bigger cars, bigger homes, and showing off wealth. Perhaps you can document that. Perhaps you can do a photo-series on office life (I recommend checking “Office†by Lars Tunbjork). Perhaps you can do a “personal documentary†series of your own life (photograph your family, friends, and loved ones seriously like art). I am actually doing a photo series on my life with Cindy called the “Cindy Project.†As I’m typing these words on my iPad, Cindy is eating an enchilada for lunch, checking emails on her laptop, and I have my Leica next to me– and I just snapped 3 snapshots of her.
Regardless of your external circumstances, there are always opportunities to make images. And the more boring the place you live, the better. Why? The more boring the place you live, the harder you need to work to make interesting images. And the more boring the place you live, the less likely that there are famous bodies of work done there.
I actually feel the worst for street photographers in NYC– so much great work has been done there already. They must feel a lot of pressure trying to supersede what’s been done before them.
So what kind of “foreign landscapes†can you photograph in your own city? If you were an outsider, visiting your own city like a tourist, what would you find interesting?
You never know what something looks like, unless you take a photograph
Remember friend, photography is all about risk-taking. When you click the shutter, who knows if it will end up being an interesting or boring photograph?
I think the fun and excitement of photography is that you never 100% know what the photograph is going to look like when you click the shutter. After all, the camera renders our three-dimensional reality into a two-dimensional plane.
So for example, when I take a photograph in black and white film (Tri-X pushed to 1600 with a yellow filter), I have no fucking clue what the resulting photograph is going to look like. That is the fun and excitement. This is a bit why I dislike shooting digital; you have too much control over what the final image will look like (you can always play with the RAW files).
But regardless if you shoot film or digital, the ultimate result of what the photo looks like is out of your control. Sometimes you don’t notice all the details in a photograph, like the expression of someone’s face, or if something randomly pops in the background.
I think we need to glue this saying by Garry Winogrand to the back of our cameras:
“I don’t have anything to say. I photograph to find out what something will look like when photographed.†– Garry Winogrand
Another thing I found interesting about Eggleston’s way of working is that he always tried to shoot from a different angle, a different perspective– which was out-of-the-ordinary:
“I think I had often wondered what other things see– if they saw like we see. And I’ve tried to make a lot of different photographs as if a human did not take them. Not that a machine took them, but that maybe something took them that was not merely confined to walking on the earth. And I can’t fly, but I can make experiments.â€
So if a chair could take photographs, what would the perspective of the chair be? Or if an ant could take a photograph, what would the world look like from the ant’s perspective (one of my favorite Eggleston photos is of a tricycle, shot from a super-low angle, which literally does look like an ant shot it, which makes the tricycle look larger-than-life).
Don’t just shoot human beings
Friend, another lesson I learned is that in photography (don’t worry about the definition of “street photographyâ€) you don’t always need to photograph human beings. Sometimes by photographing objects, you get a sense of human-feeling.
For example, one person once commented to William Eggleston that his photos didn’t have enough people in them. Eggleston responded by saying: “Objects in photos are naturally full of human presence.†Some of Eggleston’s most memorable photos are of boring, everyday, mundane things like home appliances, sinks, ovens, freezers, and even food– subjects that many photographers of his time totally overlooked.
So once again, I think the secret of making great photography is to truly find the beauty in the mundane– of capturing interesting photos of boring things and places.
The “democratic cameraâ€
Another concept I learned from Eggleston was the concept of the “democratic cameraâ€â€“ that he wouldn’t judge things, people, or places as “good†or “badâ€â€“ but would see them on equal footing.
He didn’t discriminate scenes or subject-matter. To him, all things could be made interesting. By embracing a “democratic camera†– you aren’t being prejudiced to “boring†scenes.
The difficulty with shooting with a “democratic camera†is that you are constantly at “war with the obvious†(another term coined by Eggleston). Because how can you make what is obvious and boring look interesting?
Eggleston retorts by saying: “I’ve never felt the need to enhance the world in my pictures.â€
The funny thing is that it is a quite Taoist belief; that the world is perfect just the way it is, and no need to make it look “more interesting.†BBTW, here is a fun related article you can read: “Lessons Taoism Has Taught Me About Street Photography.”
Follow the light
Ultimately the thing I love most about Eggleston’s work is the beautiful colors and light in his work. If you look at his beautiful color slide film photos, you can see that his most successful shots were at sunset; when the colors started to scream with brightness and intensity.
At the end of the day, light is what photography is all about. I have often found that boring scenes can be rendered into beautiful scenes, just by capturing them in good light.
Conclusion
So friend, I recommend you to pick up a copy of “From Black and White to Color†by William Eggleston, which is a relatively affordable introduction to his work. I prefer it over his other book: “William Eggleston’s Guideâ€, as the book I recommended you has a combination of both his color and black and white work. Eggleston is famous for his color work, but it is absolutely fascinating to look into his black and white work, and see how inspired and influenced he was by Cartier-Bresson.
Another good takeaway point: Every “master†has started off by copying another “master.†So don’t feel bad, guilty, dirty, or whatever by imitating the work of another great photographer. We all need to start somewhere.
Lastly, embrace the beauty in where you live. I know it is hard my friend, but try to make beautiful photos of boring, banal, and ordinary things.
Seek the beauty in the mundane, and you will be truly set free in your photography.
Farewell, and Godspeed!
Love, hope, and encouragement from your friend,
Eric
Written from 7:30am–8:45am, at my home in Berkeley, 9/2/2015 after about 4 espressos (give me a break, I’ve been up since 3:30am, still jetlagged from Stockholm). But it is going to be a beautiful day. I have the entire day ahead of me, planning on meeting my mom and my sister hopefully for dinner, and have some plans on shooting more black and white film, and perhaps even printing them in the darkroom. Started off the day reading “Tao Te Ching†and feeling super zenned out. Life is good :)
Just finished an incredible “Conquer Your Fear of Shooting Street Photography” here in Stockholm, and wow– this is one of the most awesome before/afters. I was so impressed to see how much all of the students pushed themselves out of their comfort zones, and how they started off the work terrified to approach strangers and shoot at a close distance, to having no problem at all– even using flashes, edgy compositions, while building a human connection with their subjects.
Man I have to say, I love teaching these workshops to death. They are so damn fun, and I love meeting all of the students time and time again. Some people ask me, “Eric, aren’t you bored of teaching the same old workshop over and over again?” Never. There are always new students, with new perspectives, who also inform my thinking and judgement. Not only that, but I always strive to do something a little different each workshop, and I am proud to know that every new workshop gets a little bit and little bit better.
I also started to realize what I love most about teaching the workshops; building a sense of community. Many at the students at the workshop didn’t know any other street photographers, and now they know some other local street photographers in Stockholm to meet up, have coffee with, shoot together, and “kill babies” together (editing down images).
I’m so blessed to do what I love for a living, and I am also proud of all the students at this workshop (and all the other workshops) for their enthusiasm, passion, and improvement. Keep rocking on brothers and sisters! :)
See all the great before/after photos below, and you can also check out my upcoming street photography workshops in San Francisco, New Orleans (1 spot left), and Downtown Los Angeles.
Andre Scholten
Before (Never shot street photography before)
After:
Bjorn Sundqvist
Before:
After:
Daniel Fredholm
Before:
After:
Gunnar Swärd
Before:
After:
Martin Draeger
Before:
After:
Micael Sjölund
Before:
After:
Patrik Bergström
Before:
After:
Riki Kawakami
Before:
After:
Robert Heaney
Before:
After:
Sean Joyce
Before:
After:
Sten Widerstrom
Before:
After:
Sue
Before (never shot street photography)
After:
Upcoming Street Photography Workshops
Don’t miss out on upcoming workshops!
Vienna Conquer Your Fear of Shooting Street Photography Group Photo 2015
Don’t miss out the chance when I am visiting to your city for you to conquer your fears and meet new peers in street photography. Subscribe to my newsletter below, and stay in the insider’s loop! Excited to see you soon :)
SPonatanea is a very active and organized street photography collective based out of Italy. In the interview, I talked to them about their formation, activities, and upcoming projects. This interview also has a full italian translation at the bottom! Check it out. (All photos are the respective ownership of the SPOontanea collective members.)
A.g.: What is the motivation behind SPontanea? How was it formed?
SPontanea: SPontanea was born in 2013. The idea was to found an Italian collective dedicated to Street Photography, capable of facing on equal terms the other existing international realities, hoping to become over time a quality reference point in Italy. The founding members were chosen on the basis of a reciprocal respect and appreciation – we already knew each other from the web – in order to bring together a wide range of styles and approaches, representing a solidly structured and well defined Italian photographic vision on Street Photography.
Read as a Google Doc (feel free to suggest edits), or download and print out the PDF.
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I am a slave. I am a slave to others’ opinions of me. I am a slave to material things. I am a slave to my bank account and money. I am a slave of my wardrobe, of my cameras, my material possessions, my gadgets, my smartphone, my friends, my health, and everything external from me.
Not only that, but I have compromised a lot in the past. I have compromised my morals, my principles, what I believe in– all for fearing that others might judge me, that others would hate on me, that I would become broke and homeless, and that ultimately nobody would love me.
I’m a slave the comments I get on the blog, to the number of “likes†I get on Instagram, or the amount of followers that I have. I often feel held back creatively because at the back of my head I’m always thinking: “But what will others think about me?†Not only that, but I’m constantly asking people for feedback; because I am insecure about my path in photography, my writing style, and my behavior as a human being.
I have always been an insecure person. According to my Myers-Briggs personality type, I a an “ESFP — meaning that I draw my energy from other people, that I crave concrete and practical solutions, that I listen to my heart more than my head, and that I hate routines and crave “going with the flow.â€
I am very much like my mom, in-fact.
Let me tell you a story about my mom (the most amazing person in the universe). She met my Dad in the states, and that is where I was born (San Francisco). But when I was a baby (perhaps 1-2 years old), she realized that he wouldn’t be the father that she expected him to be. Low and behold, my Dad has never held a job since I was 2 years old, and since then (until now), my mom has been working her entire life working menial part-time jobs or labor-intensive jobs. In the past to pay the bills (and put food on the table), she has worked cleaning houses, as a nanny, cashier, and as a waitress (which she is still today). But she has never once complained in her life; even with my dad being physically (even worse, mentally abusive), even when my Dad would gamble the rent money (and we thought we might be homeless the next month), or even when my Dad would blackmail her.
However what was the problem? My mom was a slave to my Dad. She was the most loving and forgiving person. No matter how much my Dad would fuck up our lives (and cause my mom extreme pain and anguish), she would always forgive him, and let him back into our lives.
But old dogs don’t learn new tricks. Well, perhaps sometimes, but rarely.
Long story short, my mom never learned how to say “no.†She would always compromise in her life, always having hope. My mom’s biggest weakness is that she can’t let people down. She always puts others before herself, which is a generally noble thing, but she did it at a huge expense– her sanity, health, stress, and emotions.
The happiest day in my life was when my mom decided to leave my Dad. Taking this “via negativa approach†to life (removing the negative people in your life) brought my mom more happiness and joy than anything in life. Not only that, but it has brought me a lot more happiness as well.
I have written about this in the past, that life is more about subtraction than addition. The truth is, removing 1 shitty or negative person from your life is more important than adding 10 positive people to your life. Similarly when it comes to your health, it is more important to stop eating McDonalds than simply adding blueberries to your diet.
Why do I bring up my mom?
Well, I am exactly like my mom. I am a total pushover, I don’t know how to say “no,†and my biggest fear is letting people down.
I can honestly say that I have never done or said anything (intentionally) to hurt or harm anybody. All the fuck ups in my life have been unintentionally. I have hurt so many loved ones and friends because I wasn’t considerate enough, because I didn’t watch my mouth, because I was forgetful, because I didn’t see their perspective, because I rushed into action, or because I was selfish (unintentionally).
But once I realize that I upset or hurt somebody, I feel extreme guilt. I mean, true extreme guilt. In the past I have said or done a few small things that upset some close friends, and I literally lost a week-worth of sleep, because I would ruminate on all of the negative thoughts in my mind. I am prone to regret, self-criticism, and self-flagellation. I have a lot of mental psychoses that I try to cure myself of (that is why I read so much philosophy; especially Stoicism, Zen Buddhism, Taoism, and Christianity).
But isn’t it a good thing to be considerate of the feelings of others? Isn’t it good to try not to upset anybody? Isn’t it good to be a good boy, listen to the rules, sit in your chair, listen to the teacher, government, or strangers on the internet? Isn’t it bad to step out of line, to say something you believe in (that might hurt someone’s feelings), or to “be different?â€
Breaking free from slavery
I no longer want to be a slave. I don’t want to be a slave to the opinions of others. I want to truly say what is on my mind, with no filter, and no bullshit. I want to be authentic, transparent, and to continue wearing my heart on my sleeve. I am a flawed human being, with tons of problems of my own. I don’t give a shit if people judge me or not anymore, I just want to pour out my heart, soul, and unedited thoughts on the page.
I compromise too much on my ideals. No more. I want to live like Socrates, and stay true to my morals and principles, rather than being tempted by money, fame, success, and influence.
You know how I say “buy books, not gear†and how I preach about “one camera, one lens†and also how you shouldn’t fall victim to “GAS†(Gear Acquisition Syndrome)? You know I contradict myself all the time. I have bought tons of gear in the past that I didn’t need, and didn’t stick to the “one camera, one lens†philosophy either. I expected others to comply to this “ideal reality†— without wanting to keep my skin in the game, and listen to my own principles.
But fuck it, I pledge to you that I Â will no longer contradict myself, unless I have some huge revelation in the next few years.
First of all, I realize that I am a slave to money and influence. In the past, I  have kissed a lot of ass (especially to camera companies like Leica and Fujifilm), because I wanted to feel important, special, and to be “affiliated†with important brands. To be frankly honest, one of the main reasons I first got a Leica M9 was to be taken more “seriously†(not only that, but Leica didn’t like the fact that I  blogged for them and was shooting with a Canon 5D). Also with Fujifilm, I hoped that they could help sponsor the blog, and I could make some money advertising with them.
I rationalized this all to myself saying that “I was doing this for the greater good. I am only going to (partly) ‘sell out’ so I can make more money, to have more security, to blog more, to continue to give out more free content and ebooks, without having to worry if I could pay the bills or not.â€
But in reality, I have always been able to pay the bills, even after I got laid off my job over 5 years ago. I honestly don’t give a shit about money, but I  know subconsciously, I wanted more money because I was afraid. I was afraid that one day I would become like my mom, constantly strapped for cash, stressed out, worried that I couldn’t pay the rent, and the possibility that my kids might be homeless.
But fuck it, all my basic needs are taken care of. If there is anything I learned from the ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus is that in life we only need 3 things to survive: freedom from hunger, freedom from thirst, and freedom from the cold. Everything else is optional.
I don’t suffer from hunger (although I do practice intermittent fasting to take away my sense of entitlement, and also for health benefits), I don’t suffer from thirst (I drink a shit-load of coffee, tea, and water), and I don’t suffer from the cold (I live in California). My basic needs are met, what else do I need?
Sometimes I joke with my friends: I only need 3 things: eggs, coffee, and wifi. But it is true, everything else is superfluous.
Of course that is just me being “greedy.†What about taking care of my family? Cindy? My future children?
Of course I want to take care of them as best as I can. But I need to remind myself, I can’t compromise on my morales, even for them.
When Socrates was ordered to drink poison, he had (at the time) a wife and children. Rather than deciding to go into exile, he decided to stick to his sense of morals and justice, and drank the poison. Some of his friends pleaded for him to go into exile instead, for the sake of his family. But at the end of the day, had Socrates not drank the poison, nobody would have respected the beliefs of Socrates. Socrates practiced what he preached, didn’t compromise, and now his life (and actions) live on forever, inspiring countless generations (even a young kid like me).
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not just going to be a hobo for the rest of my life, and let my future family starve to death. Hell no, I am going to dedicate my life to being the most kick-ass Dad ever. If anything, I truly appreciate my Dad, and think he was the best father ever. This is partly because he was the best “anti-role model†— in order to be a good father, I just need to do exactly opposite of what he did to me.
As an aside; I hold no ill will towards my Dad. Honestly, he was pretty fucked up psychologically from my grandfather (who died when I was 2). My grandfather (to my understanding) never really showed love or gave credit to my Dad, who was extremely hard-working, intelligent, and the first of the entire family to master English and come to America. But some reason or another my Dad started to suffer from mental diseases, which fucked up his judgement, caused hate to enter his heart (my grandma, who I love, told me that my Dad used to be the most gentle and shy kid), and harbored resentment to the external world. I think my Dad did the best he could to try to raise me up well; by instilling the morales of hard work, education, and working hard to be “successful†(and rich). At the end of the day, he is a flawed human being (like all of us, especially myself). I haven’t talked to my Dad in a long time, as my heart is still healing from all the mental blackmail he has given to me in the past. But I think I’ll soon be ready to open up to him again.
Anyways, yeah fuck photography. My future kids are going to be more important to me. In-fact, when I have my first kid, I vow not to work the first year, to spend every minute with my future newborn child. I will dedicate my photography to documenting the life of my child (will also shoot on film), and also of my life with Cindy. Even at the moment, my “Cindy project†is the most meaningful project to me in my life. And I know when I’m on my deathbed (even if I die of cancer at age 50), I will have no regrets, and be grateful for all the love and friendship we shared in our (very short) life together.
Going back to the original point of not being a slave, I want to try to disconnect more and more from the internet, social media, and what others think.
Funny enough, the person I find the most inspiration from (in terms of not compromising) is Kanye West. Love him or hate him; he is true to who he is. Like he says in his song, “New Slavesâ€: “I would rather be a dick than a swallower.â€
Kanye West wore pink polos, skinny jeans, and backpacks when other rappers were wearing baggy clothes. Kanye West rapped about Jesus, when other rappers were rapping about money, cash, and hoes. Kanye West made an album (808’s and heartbreaks) and sang in the album (even though he admitted he isn’t a good singer) to express himself (he was heavily criticized for the album and called all these names on the internet). Kanye West publicly said on live TV: “Bush doesn’t care about black people.†He has also stayed true to his artistic vision, is constantly pushing the boundaries of rap music, and speaks his mind — regardless of what others think of him.
Another modern figure who I have great admiration for is Steve Jobs. Sure people paint him as an asshole; but I see it differently. I see a man who never compromised on his values or beliefs. He spoke with no filter and hurt a lot of feelings. But he did it for the greater good. He had a 0% filter for bullshit, and he wanted to use his short time on earth to create something meaningful. He believed so much in the beauty and aesthetics of his products, that he would even make the insides of the Mac computers beautiful (a good carpenter doesn’t use cheap wood on the back of a drawer, even if nobody can see it). Obsessed with perfection, he never took “no†as an answer. People would fall entranced by his “reality distortion field†and make things possible that nobody else thought was possible. I remember hearing a story in the Walter Isaacson biography in which one of the first Mac computers booted up too slow. He told one of the programmers to make the startup time faster. The programmer told him it wasn’t possible. Steve Jobs then made a point: “If you could shave off 30 seconds of boot time from this computer, across thousands (potentially millions of people), you will save hundreds and thousands of hours for humanity).†The next day the programmer was able to figure out how to shave off 30 seconds off the boot time (possibly even more).
When I write, when I photograph, or whenever I create, or speak, I am still scared shitless. I am still scared of offending people and upsetting them. At the end of the day, other people’s opinion of me matters more than my own opinion of myself. But I want to switch that around.
Josef Koudelka is King
Josef Koudelka is probably my favorite photographer of all time. Both in terms of his photography and how he lives his life. He values freedom above everything else; freedom of his time, his opinion, and does exactly what he wants to do. He is a human being who also hasn’t compromised in his life or photography. I want to emulate him.
It is quite incredible; he hasn’t paid rent nor has he taken on any commercial assignments that he didn’t believe in:
“I have never accepted any magazine or commercial assignments. I do not have any deadlines. I do not need any outside pressure to work. It is very important for me to feel that I am free. I make photographs for myself.â€
He has also arranged his entire life to give him the ultimate freedom of time to do what he is most passionate about, which is shooting:
“At the moment my life is organized to give me the greatest possible time and freedom to actually shoot photographs.â€
Koudelka has also inspired me in the sense that he sets no rules or barriers for himself. Rather, his only rule in photography is below:
“You should take photographs how you feel you should be taking photographs†– Josef Koudelka
There are so many people out there who tell you how you “should†be taking photographs. But there are no rights or wrongs in photography. The only rule is following your own heart; and not caring about what others think about you and your work.
For Koudelka, he doesn’t want any sort of restrictions in his work (or life):
“What I have written about here is my approach to photography now and in the past. It may not hold true tomorrow. I do not want to lay down rules for other people and I do not intend to be restricted by any myself. I feel that my life and perhaps my work are changing at the moment, but my basic interests have not altered. Above all, the most important for me is to keep working.â€
I have always found it fascinating how Koudelka was able to stay so true to his own personal vision; of doing what exactly in life he wanted to do. Interestingly enough, growing up in communist Czechoslovakia helped him pursue what he was interested in (rather than just what made money):
“The lack of the freedom to make money forced us to do things we believed in, that interested us, and that we liked to do. We now if we became engineers, we would make less money than street-sweepers. In the West, it was different.â€
I am also deeply inspired by his ascetic lifestyle. Apparently when he is on the road, all he carries with him is two shirts (one that he wears), one pair of pants, two pairs of socks, two pairs of underwear, a small sleeping bag (and mat), film (Tri-X), 3 cameras, and a spare pair of glasses. That is pretty much it:
“I tried avoiding owning anything. I didn’t pay rent. I knew that I didn’t need much to function: just some food and a good night’s sleep.â€
I have been discovering something similar during my time abroad the last 3 months or so. All I have done is traveled with my small backpack (Thinktank perception 15) and a small leather messenger bag. All of my life’s possessions fit in there.
All I have packed for my trip include 2 shirts, 2 pairs of socks, 1 pair of pants, 2 pairs of ExOfficio boxers, a Kindle paperwhite, notebook, Leica MP and 35mm lens, Tri-X film (brought 120 rolls for the trip, shot around 80 so far), a laptop (Lenovo Windows 8 PC/Tablet I bought in an airport in Lisbon after getting my 11’’ Macbook air stolen in Paris), toothbrush and retainer, and that is pretty much it.
There is so much freedom in traveling light, and realizing how little physical stuff I need to survive. I don’t need any of my photobooks, additional clothes, additional cameras, additional stuff, etc. Funny enough, the fewer material things I have, the happier I  am.
Another thing that Koudelka has inspired me with: he rarely processes and prints his photographs. Apparently he (used to shoot) around 1,000 rolls of film a year, and focused his energy only on shooting. He is worried about the processing of his film later. Apparently he hasn’t even seen some photos he has shot 10 years ago. He explains his rationale:
“I don’t want to lose time. I want to put all of my energy into taking photographs. Last year I spent 11 months traveling. Until now I’ve been in good health.I know this is not going to last forever.â€
Josef Koudelka seems quite similar to Garry Winogrand in the sense that they are more interested in shooting and living life, rather than worrying about the results.
Not only that, but it seems to be a good strategy; why not spend all of your energy and effort shooting while you are still healthy, and you can do all the processing and editing once you’re not able to travel or shoot anymore? Or you can be like Winogrand, and die with 6,500 rolls of undeveloped film, and have someone else process and edit them for you.
Another reason I love shooting film: I know people will be able to access my negatives 200 years from now. No way are they going to be able to access my RAW files.
When I shoot digital, I have a problem that I look at the photos too quickly. I look at the images the day-of, which makes me depressed. I am bound to not get any good photos in only one day of shooting. If  I get one good street photograph a month, I’m lucky.
So if I shoot film, I don’t get my film processed for 6 months-1 year. According to my math; if I can get 1 good shot a month, that means 12 good shots a year. So if I wait a year before looking at my images, I am bound to get a handful of shots I’m happy with. There is less noise, and more signal.
Furthermore, I also find that when I’m traveling, I stay up too late at night receiving the digital shots that I shoot. I much prefer the peace of mind of shooting the film during the day, letting it sit and “marinateâ€, and being able to sleep at night.
Another Idea I have; I might experiment “crowdsourcing†the editing of my images somewhere down the line; to see which photos resonate most with others.
But didn’t I say earlier that I didn’t care about what others thought about my images, and that I would shoot to please myself?
Yes, I will still shoot to please myself first. But if I upload images on the internet, they are ultimately more about the viewers; not myself. The really personal shots that I make that make me happy will stay offline, for me and close friends and family to enjoy.
Josef Koudelka is probably also one of the most famous photographers out there, but becoming famous has never been his focus. Funny enough, he has only shot for himself his entire life, and because he stayed true to his values, he became famous for his dedication in his work and craft.
He doesn’t care about becoming famous, he is only interested in working and not being bothered by others:
“Fame doesn’t interest me. I dont like being the center of attention. I like to concentrate on working and not be disturbed.â€
This is a good reminder for me; I get too distracted by social media and worrying too much about what others think about me. Everytime I check Twitter, comments on the blog, Instagram, Facebook, whatever– positive and negative feedback hurt me. Positive feedback inflates my ego and makes me feel important. Negative feedback makes me feel shitty, and frustrated. I think the secret is to just ignore everybody, except my own opinion of myself, and the opinion of a few close friends. I’d have to say after uninstalling all social media apps from my phone, I finally have some peace and serenity of mind– and am able to focus on more important things, like writing this article.
What is the only thing Koudelka is interested? He doesn’t care about being the “best†photographer out there. Rather, he wants to satisfy himself, and become the best photographer he possibly can become. He wants to find his limits, and push himself to the maximum:
“Everybody has a right to think what he wants. I know who I am. I don’t do what i do in order to make somebody like me, or to prove something to someone, or to be the best. I do it for myself, for my own satisfaction. I want to find my limits, to see how far I can go.â€
Koudelka is truly an exemplar for me.
Sure, I don’t want to ultimately be exactly like him. He has no home, probably not a lot of security financially, nor does he have a steady family life, or any sort of roots.
I know for me, I need a sense of home and community. As Seneca said, “He who constantly travels has many acquaintances but few friends.â€
I also know that I don’t need to constantly be on the road to be happy. Paradise is in my own backyard. All the best photographic opportunities are in my own city, and I dont need to be in Tokyo or Paris to be inspired. My only limits are my creative potential, inside my head. Never my camera, film, or external circumstances.
Lessons from Epictetus
Another philosopher I gain immense inspiration regarding freedom is Epictetus, and many of these excerpts are from “Of Human Freedom†(the most inspirational essay I have ever read on freedom).
What is “freedom†to Epictetus?
“Free is the person who lives as he wishes and cannot be coerced, impeded or compelled, whose impulses cannot be thwarted, who always gets what he desires and never has to experience what he would rather avoid.â€
According to this, I have no freedom. I still am compelled to do things against my will.
Not only that, but I am still a slave to negative emotions: like sadness, envy, and frustration:
“Who wants to live life experiencing sadness, envy and pity, being frustrated in their desires and liable to experience what they want to avoid?†– Epictetus
Haha even funnier, I can totally see myself being a slave to Cindy sometimes:
“Weren’t you ever commanded by your sweetheart to do something you didn’t want to do?â€
Spot on Epictetus, your wisdom from 2,000 years still rings true.
I also recall all the times I have done shit and went to events and parties I didn’t want to go, because of some sort of “social obligation†and peer pressure. I really need to learn how to say “noâ€:
“Didn’t you ever risk going out at night where you didn’t want to go, spend more money than you had intended, say things in the course of the evening in accents or misery and woe, put up with being mocked, and finally locked out?â€
At the end of the day, I want to be free and unencumbered. I want to almost be like a wild animal. Sure, I might not have as much “security†and might go hungry at times, but I don’t want to become caged. How sad is it when you see a lion in a cage at the zoo?
“Consider how we apply the idea of freedom to animals. There are tame lions that people cage, raise, feed and take with them wherever they go. Yet who will call such a lion free? The easier its life, the more slavish it is.â€
Sad enough, I still have a lot of friends and know people who are stuck in “golden cages.†Sure they might drive BMW’s, wear Rolex watches, make 6-figure incomes, own homes and whatnot– but their jobs and salaries own them, not the other way around. They hate their jobs, but cannot escape, because they have fallen on the “hedonic treadmill†— in which their lifestyle is constantly being upgraded (“downgrading†from a BMW 5-series to a Honda Civic can be painful to these people).
They are like caged birds:
“The birds above us, when they are caught and raised in a cage, will try anything for the sake of escape. Some starve to death rather than endure their condition. Those that survive– barely, grudgingly, wasting away– fly off in an instant when they find the least little opening to squeeze through, so great is their need for their native freedom, so strong the desire to be independent and unconfined.â€
But how do we find true freedom? Some advice from another philosopher, Diogenes:
“One way to guarantee freedom is to be ready to die.†– Diogenes
Sounds a bit melodramatic. We are lucky enough that in today’s society, we will never have to worry about dying. Our only concerns are social stigma (everyone calling you a failure), bankruptcy (losing all our money and our house), and perhaps becoming homeless (but if you live in a developed country, you will probably get some sort of assistance).
Back in the ancient Roman and Greek days; these guys could literally be put to death by speaking their mind, against tyrannical emperors, or lived in social situations where they could literally starve to death. Unfortunately there are also some places in the world (India, Africa, etc) where people have been put to death, tortured, extorted, etc for standing up for their beliefs.
I remember when I still had a full-time job, and my only wish was to get a promotion. I was “only†earning $40,000 a year (with benefits) as an Online Community Manager at eHow.com. I desperately wanted to earn more money (because everyone told me that money buys you happiness) — $50,000 sounded right. I tried to work hard to get a promotion by kissing ass, staying late at work, answering emails on weekends, and trying to climb the corporate ladder (I feel horrible for trying to step over some people, or play bullshit office politics). I would try to take credit whenever possible, and that ended up causing me to burn a lot of bridges. I feel terrible for that, even today.
But the funny thing is that I was a slave to this rat race. I staked my happiness on the “once†and “what if†hypothesis. Once I earn $50,000 a year, I can truly be happy. Once I buy that new iPhone, I will truly be happy. Once I get that BMW M3 (cherry red), I will be happy. Once I get 10,000 followers on Twitter I will have “made†it.
But that was all slavish thinking. Epictetus brings up a good example of what slaves think (when they wish to become “free menâ€):
‘Once I’m set free, everything will be roses right away. I won’t have to wait on anybody I can talk to everyone as an equal and a peer, travel wherever I like, come and go as I please.’ Then he is liberated, but now, looking for a place to eat, he looks around for someone to sweet-talk and dine with. Next he resorts to prostitution and, if he gets a sugar daddy, he suffers from the most degrading fate of all, having now fallen into a far more abject slavery than the one he escaped.â€
If we think that freedom is earning more money, earning promotions, gaining power and prestige in society; we are wrong.
Nassim Taleb has a heuristic: to see if someone is successful or not, see if he or she can take a nap when he/she wants. I am sure there are billionaires out there who are still slaves to their wealth, inboxes, and business duties. These people can’t even take a nap if they wanted to.
What is it that we all want in life? Epictetus shares:
“To live in peace, to be happy, to do as we like and never be foiled or forced to act against our wishes.â€
How simple life is. We just want to live in peace (without drama or stress, or shitty bosses), to be happy and do what we like, and not forced to do shit we don’t want to do.
But we all have excuses:
One might say, “Oh I have a high-paying job that I hate. I would quit my job and do something I love, but I have a mortgage to pay, and kids to feed.â€
Then foreclose your house, and move into a smaller apartment so you don’t need to work as much.
“But I have children, and I need to send them to private school.â€
Why send them to private school? Send them to a public school.
“But I want them to have the best education that they can.â€
Realize that if you work less, and take a job that you love, perhaps you will have more free time to actually spend time with your kids, to play with them in the park, to read them books, and to educate them directly yourself.
“But I have bills to pay, lots of debt, and a spouse to take care of.â€
File for bankruptcy, or figure out other ways to manage easier payments. If your spouse stays at home, perhaps your spouse can also pick up a job.
We all make excuses for not following our life’s passion and goal. Life is short and brutal. Why not spend the small time we have doing what we love?
“But what if I don’t want to quit my job?â€
I think that is totally fine; you can still carve out freedom from doing a “day job.†Just make sure that you turn off your email at 6pm and leave the office. Do the minimum amount of work not to get fired, and use your weekends and holidays to the fullest– to do creative work (in your case, take pictures and travel, invest in books and photography workshops).
Sometimes having a stable and boring job can be a blessing, as long as you don’t allow yourself to mentally become a slave to it.
No more kissing ass
I have another thing I am trying to do; not kiss anymore ass. I have kissed so much ass in my lifetime, and my mouth smells like shit. I have read so many books on “networking†and have sent so many “coffee meeting†emails. and tried to associate myself with rich, powerful, or influential people with potential.
But I realized, I am being a shallow bastard. I am just spending time to hopefully open up “new opportunities†(which ultimately means, make more money).
But I already have enough money. I have enough to pay my rent, food, and coffee. I  am starting to realize that “networking†is a massive waste of time (I would prefer to spend time with friends and loved one, where there is no potential “gain†or “utilityâ€). Networkers are slaves:
“Whenever you see someone grovel before another, or flatter them insincerely, you can safely assume that that person is not free– and not just if a meal is at stake, but even when they abase themselves for the sake of a governorship or consulship. In fact, you can call the people who behave that way for small gains petty slaves, while the latter deserve to be called slaves on a grand scale.â€
So I now have a personal rule: Would I meet this person or spend time with them if I knew that they only earned $40,000 a year, or if they were just an entry-level position person? I have found myself that I enjoy more the conversations of baristas, janitors, and waiters than high-powered CEOs and managers.
You might be thinking: “Eric, I want to be free, but I don’t earn enough money. Easy for you to say all this idealistic bullshit. You travel the world, do what you love, and have money saved up. How do you expect us who live day-to-day to not be a slave, and follow our passion?â€
I understand what you mean friend. However I also grew up in (slight) poverty and I know it is hard. But know that self-ownership and freedom isn’t a matter of how much money you have, or how many hours you need to work at your job. Rather, it is a state of mind.
Not only that, but I have started to realize how little I need in life. I have made a conscious choice to limit the amount of workshops I do next year, to earn less money, and spend more time with Cindy and more time writing. Furthermore, I spend less time on social media, emails, “networkingâ€, and am completely content with where I am in life. I am surely not the richest person out there, but I am satisfied with what I have. I feel that satisfaction with one’s life is true freedom:
“What is it then that renders a person free and independent? Money is not the answer, nor is a governors, a consulship, or even a kingdom. Something else needs to be found.†– Epictetus
Epictetus goes on by sharing us this question we should always ask ourselves:
“Can anyone force you to choose something to which you’re opposed?â€
Also what do we fear?
Sometimes I am afraid I will lose all of my money and material possessions, as Epictetus writes:
“Perhaps you fear for the body and material possessions– things that lie outside your scope of responsibility and have no meaning for you.â€
But ultimately at the end of the day, money, my health, the health of my loves ones, are all externals. External things that I cannot control (regardless of how rich or powerful I am). So the secret? Don’t worry about any of that. The only thing we can control is our mind, how we decide to perceive events, and whether to see life in a positive (or negative) light.
It is hard. Really fucking hard. I am a sucker for advertising, and a slave to material things. I am the one who gets a hard-on everytime there is a new Apple product releasing. I get tempted by new fancy cameras being released. I desire fast sports cars and designer clothes. I am a fallible human being.
Another tip to happiness and freedom? Kill desire:
“[Don’t] feel irrational desire any more. You have a fixed and measured desire for the good of the soul, since they are within your power and accessible. You disdain external goods, so that no opening exists for that irrational, intemperate and impulsive form of desire. With such an attitude towards things, you can no longer be intimidated by anyone.â€
If I don’t give a shit about desiring anything out of my control (or any new material things), I will no longer be a slave to others’ opinions.
What are some other things I should surrender? Epictetus tells us:
“Surrender the body and its embers, physical faculties, property, reputation, office, honours, children, siblings– repudiate them all.â€
I can’t control my health (whether I get cancer or not), whether I get into a car accident and lose control of my legs, whether someone (accidentally) pokes me in the eyes and I lose my vision, whether a family member gets sick and my bank account gets cleaned out, whether people on the internet will like me or not, whether I will win any awards for being the “most influential photography blogger†or whatever, if my kids die at a young age from a rare disease, whether my sister or Cindy dies in a freak accident.
By preparing for the worst, we can truly live life freely– without stress or anxiety.
I don’t want to be held back by doing what I want to do. I want to (as Kanye West says) “Wild the fuck out†and write what I want to write, shoot what I want to shoot, say what I want to say, and not give a flying fuck about what others think:
“The tyrants’ bodyguards, too, can stay, for how can they affect me? Their sticks, their spears and their knives are meant for other people. I, personally, was never kept from something I wanted, nor had forced upon me something I was opposed to.†– Epictetus
Funny enough, even though I believe in Stoicism, Zen Buddhism, and Taoist beliefs– I am still a Catholic at heart. I don’t believe “God†as some bearded dude in heaven. In-fact, I am a bit dubious about there being an afterlife. Regardless, I do believe in some sort of cosmic force in the universe, and that everything happens for a reason. That mantra has helped me endure through all the difficult and painful times I had growing up, and has helped me become a stronger person.
Epictetus also mentions the importance of submitting his will to “God†(which was a different concept from the Judeo-Christian God):
“How did I manage it? I submitted my will to God. He wants me to be sick– well, then, so do I. He wants me to choose something. Then I choose it. He wants me to desire something, I desire it. He wants me to get something, I want the same; or he doesn’t want me to get it, and I concur. Thus I assent to death and torture. Now no one can make me, or keep me, from acting in line with my inclination, any more than they can similarly manipulate God.â€
Whatever you believe in, know that ultimately everything will work out fine. Worst case scenario; you will die. And what is so bad about death? Once you’re dead, you won’t feel any pain. We’re always afraid of the pain we feel before death, not death itself.
I still have a hard time letting go of my physical possessions. I am attached to them, and have some “hoarding†tendencies. Some advice Epictetus gives us to start giving less shits about our material possessions:
“These are the reflections you should recur to morning and night. Start with things that are least valuable and most liable to be lost– things such as a jug or a glass– and proceed to apply the same ideas to clothes, pets, livestock, property; then to yourself, your body, the body’s parts, your children, your siblings, and your wife. Look on every side and mentally discard them. Purify your thoughts, in case of an attachment or devotion to something that doesn’t belong to you and will hurt to have wrenched away.â€
When I get back home, I want to purge all of my “stuff.†I want to donate the clothes I don’t wear, I want to give away photography books to my friends who would appreciate them, I want to start donating other random trinkets to Goodwill, and edit down my physical possessions so that they can fit into just one small backpack. And that small backpack is the only thing I want to take to Vietnam.
I don’t say any of this to sound high and mighty, or some sort of “enlightened†philosopher. Rather, I am a slave. A slave that is trying to be happy, and to emancipate myself from the bullshit of society’s expectations of me. Epictetus told me the importance of trying to emancipate myself from slavery on a daily basis:
“As you exercise daily, as you do at the gym, do not say that you are philosophizing (admittedly a pretentious claim), but that you are a slave presenting our emancipator; because this is genuine freedom that you cultivate.â€
I don’t want to be a pretentious asshole; sometimes I can be. But another negative trait I need to cut out of my system.
At the end of the day, I don’t own anything. I don’t own my money, I don’t own my body (it is on loan, and I will give it back when I die), I don’t own my camera (mother fortune has simply lent it to me), I don’t own my electronics– I only own my opinion:
“I don’t consider this body to be my own, because I lack for nothing, and because the law is the only thing I esteem, nothing else.†– Diogenes
I also want to learn how to speak up my mind (in real life) with no filter. I always censor myself from saying what I really think, fearing that I  will offend people. But fuck it, if they are my true friends they won’t get offended. And if they get offended and no longer are my friends, so be it. And they were probably not my “real†friends in the first place. Not only that, but at the end of the day, I only need 5 “real†friends in my life to be happy, perhaps even less– Cindy is more than sufficient.
If you have read this far, I congratulate you, and really appreciate you. You have probably dealt with a lot of the mental pains and struggles I have, and I hope this essay has touched you in one way or another.
Once again, this shit is fucking hard. I know I ramble and repeat myself a lot; but ultimately I write this (first) as a meditation for me to get rid of the demons in my head. Secondly, I write this to help you. Pick and choose which ideas help you, and discard the rest.
Epictetus reminds us, my dear friend, that if we truly value freedom (and don’t want to be a slave to the expectations of others), we need to make huge sacrifices:
“Study this– these principles, these arguments– and contemplate these models of behaviour, if you want to be free, and our desire corresponds to the goal’s importance. Don’t be surprised if so great a goal costs you many a sacrifice.For love of what they considered freedom men have hanged themselves, have thrown themselves over cliff– and whole cities have occasionally been destroyed. For true, inviolable, unassailable freedom, yield to God when he ass for something back that he earlier gave you. Prepare yourself, as Plato says, not just for death, but for torture, exile, flogging– and the loss of everything not belonging to you. You will be a slave among slaves otherwise; even if you are a consul ten thousand times over, even if you make your residence on the Palatine, you will be a slave none the less.â€
Last thought to leave you with: freedom isn’t about fulfilling all of the desires, buying all the shit that we want, and having the life that we desire. Rather, it is by eliminating all desires, and being content with the life that we currently live, right now, in the moment:
“Freedom is not achieved by satisfying desire, but by eliminating it.†– Epictetus
Some random thoughts on my head:
1. Don’t accept free shit
“To receive a favor is to pawn your freedom†– Publilius Syrus
I get free cameras from camera companies, free smartphones from Samsung, and don’t get me wrong– it is awesome.
But at the end of the day, I realized that this is making me a slave. Making me a slave because I feel indebted to them.
I have a new rule: I will no longer accept free things (unless I plan on giving it away to a friend, family member, or somebody in need).
2. Don’t compromise my principles
If I believe in something, I cannot compromise. I must think of the collective, before myself. What is good for others is good for me. I already have everything I need in my life. I need to constantly remind myself the shortness of my life, how I will die at any moment, and squeeze every minute of the day to help others– by producing information, spreading goodwill, giving lots of hugs and showing appreciation, and by endowing love onto others.
3. Don’t edit
As an experiment, I will no longer edit my thoughts, my words, writing, photography, whatever. I want to live life more fully with more rawness, genuineness, and transparency. I want to show no bullshit. If I piss people off, so be it. I will still feel bad about it, but I know it will be for the greater good.
Farewell and godspeed friend,
Eric Written at ilcafe, Monday, Aug 31, 2015 / Stockholm. Started writing at 4am, ended at 11:11am. Damn I’m tired, but feel great. Excited to fly back home to Cindy after being away from her for two weeks, and on the road for 3 months in total. Excited to see my friends, family, loved ones, and to start editing down my life :)
