Your parents fuck you up.
It wasn’t their intention to. They had the best intentions for you. They want what is best for you. They love you, and they want you to have a better life than they did.
1. Your parents weren’t perfect
But the problem is; your parents are imperfect human beings. As children we see them as the center of wisdom, knowledge, and thought. But unfortunately, they are fallible.
A lot of parents also see their kids like trophies or medallions. They want to brag about their success in life; via their children. They live vicariously– through their children.
Having a child go to Harvard is like driving a Rolls-Royce. Having a child become a lawyer is having a nice Cartier watch. Having a kid become ‘successful’ covers up the pain, suffering, and failures of the parent.
2. Cut the umbilical chord
For me, I have resolved that my parents have (kind of) fucked me up in certain ways.
I have all love and positive vibes for my mom. She molded me to become the man that I am, strong with virtue, love, and patience.
My dad fucked me up. He poisoned my family with negativity, hate, and sloth. But I still have love for him, and forgive him for all his past wrongs.
Ultimately, I remember– my parents were just fallible human beings, like myself. And honestly, forgiveness is the ultimate tool.
I know that they meant the best for me. But they just tried to do it in their own way. Through their own beliefs. Their own Korean-Confuscian culture.
But that didn’t work for me.
I had to break loose from my parents and what they wanted from me. To cut the umbilical chord. To find the truth for myself.
3. Rebirth in college
Thank God for college– the chance for me to rethink my beliefs, and to re-socialize myself in the world. Studying sociology helped me see the light, in terms of what I wanted out of life. To follow my passion, to make a meaningful difference in the world. To be the change I wish I saw in the world, to quote Gandhi.
I thank my parents for helping guide me, like a seed. I was planted in the fertile ground, my parents gave me sunshine and water, and guided my growth. But once I became too big for the little pot, I needed to be replanted. I needed more oxygen, more space, and more water.
I still appreciate my parents for pruning my faults, and keeping the negative weeds away from me. But now, I am a mini-redwood. I need to grow myself. I need to keep growing, receiving positive light, ideas, and to stretch my branches to the sky.
4. Forgiveness is key
So friend, if your parents have fucked you up in one way or another, forgive them, and move on.
I know for myself, I try to think of all the positives my parents have given me. Especially my dad.
My dad was a great film buff. He introduced me to classic film at a young age. I watched Schindler’s List when I was around 11 years old. His dream was to become a cinematographer. Unfortunately he never had the courage to pursue his passion and dream.
Yet I am grateful for my dad for introducing me to art and culture at a young age. Now I am re-watching old films, and gaining lots of inspiration. Dad, I love you — thank you.
5. Keep growing; and spreading your light
Now moving forward, I want to be all love, positivity, good vibes. To help others; without any negative residue from the past.
I feel reborn, fresh, bright, and new. I want to share my creative gift with others, with no fear, or limits.
Let’s walk this path together.
Be strong,
Eric
This Be the Verse
This poem was brought to my attention from my friend Greg Marsden. Thanks Greg; I love you man. It inspired this essay.
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.[…]
- BY PHILIP LARKIN
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