{"id":33257,"date":"2017-01-21T12:29:29","date_gmt":"2017-01-21T20:29:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/erickimphotography.com\/blog\/?p=33257"},"modified":"2017-01-22T19:07:01","modified_gmt":"2017-01-23T03:07:01","slug":"dont-crowd-source-your-self-esteem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/erickimphotography.com\/blog\/2017\/01\/21\/dont-crowd-source-your-self-esteem\/","title":{"rendered":"Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Crowd-Source Your Self-Esteem"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"LA,
LA, 2014<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a victim to caring too much about what other people think about me.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

We all want to be loved<\/h2>\n
\"New
New Orleans, 2015<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been woken from enlightened man’s dream \/ Checkin’ Instagram comments to crowdsource my self esteem.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d – Kanye West<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

As humans, we all want to be loved. We want to feel part of a community. Our self-worth, and our self-esteem is deeply tied into what we think others think of us.<\/p>\n

But what is the problem of making your self-esteem tied into the opinions of others? Problem: you become a slave to the opinions of others.<\/p>\n

If you depend on getting a certain amount of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153likes\u00e2\u20ac\u009d from others, you will always be miserable. Because even if you get 1,000+ likes, you become a prisoner. You expect to get at least<\/em> 1,000 likes on each photo or post, and if you get anything less, you get depressed.<\/p>\n

Not only that, but no matter how many likes you get, there will always be someone with more likes than you.<\/p>\n

You can have 1,000 likes \u00e2\u20ac\u201d someone else has 2,000 likes. You have 2,000 likes, someone else will have 5,000. You have 5,000 likes, and someone will have 50,000 likes. 500,000 likes. 5 million likes. Whatever it may be, you will always want more social approval and admiration from others.<\/p>\n

Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t play the game<\/h2>\n
\"New
New Orleans, 2015<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Honestly, the only way to escape this treadmill of constantly depending on \u00e2\u20ac\u0153likes\u00e2\u20ac\u009d for your self-esteem is to just not play the game.<\/p>\n

If you find yourself being overly-obsessed with social media, the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153like game\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and any other form of comparing yourself with others (with numbers of followers, comments, or likes) \u00e2\u20ac\u201d just bow down. Step down from social media. Take a break from it. Try uninstalling all your social media apps for a day, a week, a month, or even a year. See if your \u00e2\u20ac\u0153real life\u00e2\u20ac\u009d connections benefit or are hurt. Experiment.<\/p>\n

Personally, I still care too much about what others think about me, my work, and my photos. When I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get a certain amount of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153likes\u00e2\u20ac\u009d on a post, photo, or update\u00e2\u20ac\u201d I wonder to myself, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What am I doing wrong?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And no matter how many likes I get (I recently got 2,000 likes on a photo on Instagram), I still am not satisfied.<\/p>\n

The only real self-satisfaction I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had with my photography is when I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve disconnected from social media for long periods of time, looked at my own photos, didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ask the opinions of others, and asked myself: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do I<\/em> like my own photos?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Not only that, but no matter how hard you try, you can never please 100% of others. Even if you were Henri Cartier-Bresson, Alex Webb, or any other famous photographer. The same goes for art, music, theater, dance, or any genre of creative activity.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Keeping score\u00e2\u20ac\u009d on social media<\/h2>\n
\"SF,
SF, 2015<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The problem of quantifying our self-esteem (via numbers on social media) is that our social relationships become a competition, or some sort of game. In basketball, you can keep score. But can you really \u00e2\u20ac\u0153keep score\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in real life?<\/p>\n

We try to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153keep count\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in terms of how \u00e2\u20ac\u0153successful\u00e2\u20ac\u009d we are in terms of numbers. We value our self-esteem by how much 0\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s we earn, how many cars we own, how many cameras and lenses we own, how many friends we have, how many square-feet (or meters) our homes are, how many credit cards we have, and how many countries we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve traveled to.<\/p>\n

Solutions<\/h2>\n
\"NYC,
NYC, 2015<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Okay, so we all compare ourselves via numbers. It is human nature. How can we fix it?<\/p>\n

Here are some ideas:<\/p>\n

I recently came across a Safari browser extension called \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Facebook Demetricator\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201d it removes the # of likes you get on your photos, # of comments, and # of shares. This way you can still get the information, without constantly comparing yourself with others, or valuing your self-worth on how many \u00e2\u20ac\u02dclikes\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve gotten on something.<\/p>\n

Another idea: if you like to share your photos online (but don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to get distracted by how many likes\/comments you get), you can share your photos on VSCO (mobile app) which shows no likes, you can have your own website portfolio to share your images, or you can do it the old-fashioned way (email your favorite photos to your friends, colleagues, or family).<\/p>\n

I know that with blogging, I used to get obsessed with traffic. On the days that my traffic went up, I felt ecstatic. The days my traffic would go down, I felt depressed.<\/p>\n

The best solution I did for the blog was to remove traffic statistics from my administrator panel. Therefore I never really know how \u00e2\u20ac\u0153well\u00e2\u20ac\u009d my posts are doing, but I just my sense of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153success\u00e2\u20ac\u009d on a post by my own self-worth and self-assessment. Rather than seeing how \u00e2\u20ac\u0153successful\u00e2\u20ac\u009d a post is by how many likes or page views it got, I will ask myself: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Was this a really good post? If I was a stranger and read it, would I have liked this? Did I give this article or post my all?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Also with my photos, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been trying to share them more as blog posts, rather than on just social media. This allows me to not get distracted by my photos\u00e2\u20ac\u201d in terms of how many likes\/comments they get. I also have found that the less time I spend on social media, the more I care about my own<\/em> opinion of my own photos (rather than others\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 opinions of my photos).<\/p>\n

Why is self-esteem important?<\/h2>\n
\"Downtown
Downtown LA, 2011<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I think to a certain degree, having a healthy self-esteem is good for your mental health. If we didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have any self-esteem, we would curl up in a ball, never leave bed, and never be part of human society. We wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have any vigor to help other peoples, and certainly we wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have the energy to help ourselves.<\/p>\n

You want to learn how to be comfortable in your own skin. You need to learn self-confidence.<\/p>\n

If you want to innovate anything in the world and create something new, you need thick skin. Because anything new will be reviled by the masses. After all, people despise what is new and revolutionary. People hated on all the color photographers a few decades ago, because only black and white was seen as \u00e2\u20ac\u0153art.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Not only that, but a century ago, photography wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even seen as \u00e2\u20ac\u0153art\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201d photography as a genre was shitted on by the (then) \u00e2\u20ac\u0153contemporary\u00e2\u20ac\u009d art-world.<\/p>\n

What works for you?<\/h2>\n
\"Downtown
Downtown LA, 2011<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Never become a slave to the opinions of others. If you feel like you lack self-esteem, I recommend you to take time off from social media.<\/p>\n

I still think social media is great. It can empower a lot of people, it facilitates the spread of information, and can empower you as a photographer (by sharing your images widely).<\/p>\n

Yet you need to find what works for you. If you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re on social media 24\/7 and totally happy, stick with it. If you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re on social media and you feel mostly miserable, try to figure out what to fix.<\/p>\n

To end this discussion, ask yourself these questions:<\/p>\n