{"id":26371,"date":"2015-12-21T11:44:01","date_gmt":"2015-12-21T19:44:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/erickimphotography.com\/blog\/?p=26371"},"modified":"2015-12-21T11:44:01","modified_gmt":"2015-12-21T19:44:01","slug":"do-you-like-your-own-photos","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/erickimphotography.com\/blog\/2015\/12\/21\/do-you-like-your-own-photos\/","title":{"rendered":"Do You Like Your Own Photos?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Paris,
Paris, 2015 #suits<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Dear friend,<\/p>\n

I want to tell you a story:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I was in Chicago in 2014, and I visited my friend Satoki Nagata<\/a>\u00e2\u20ac\u201d probably one of the most talented and artistic contemporary photographers out there.<\/p>\n

It was the evening, around 9pm, and we sat inside a tea shop. We were drinking some hot tea, and I sat down with him and with my iPad.<\/p>\n

I had a few photos that I was unsure about\u00e2\u20ac\u201d whether they were any \u00e2\u20ac\u0153good\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or not.<\/p>\n

I then asked him what he thought about my photos, and whether he thought they were any good or not.<\/p>\n

Satoki then looked at me, paused, and in a zen-like monk way responded by saying:<\/p>\n

\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6What do you think?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I paused for a second, and was struck by his response.<\/p>\n

I then stopped, thought, and said\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m actually not too crazy about it. I think it is okay, not great.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Satoki then grinned, paused again for a moment, stared at me and then said:<\/p>\n

\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Then why do you care what I think?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The disease of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153giving a fuck\u00e2\u20ac\u009d of what others think of you<\/h2>\n

Friend\u00e2\u20ac\u201d I am still afflicted by this mental disease; caring what other people think about me. I care too much about what others think about my personality, my character, my photography, and everything else that I do.<\/p>\n

But why should I care about what others think about me? Shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t I care more about how I feel about myself\u00e2\u20ac\u201d and how I view my own photography (rather than what other strangers think?)<\/p>\n

A strange inconsistency<\/h2>\n

I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll share you something ironic that Seneca (Roman philosopher from 2,000 years ago) figured out:<\/p>\n

\n The irony is that we are so greedy, we only care about ourselves. We want more money, fame, and influence for ourselves. But why do we respect the opinion that others<\/em> have of us\u00e2\u20ac\u201d rather than our own opinion of ourselves?\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Quite ironic\u00e2\u20ac\u201d we are so greedy and self-centered. If we were really this greedy\u00e2\u20ac\u201d shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t we care about our own self-opinion and self-appraisal of ourselves (and not care about what others think of us?)<\/p>\n

Photography is not a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153sport\u00e2\u20ac\u009d; there are no \u00e2\u20ac\u0153winners\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or \u00e2\u20ac\u0153losers\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/h2>\n

Photography is not a spectator sport. There is no \u00e2\u20ac\u0153winning\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or \u00e2\u20ac\u0153losing.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Unfortunately modern life is all about competition (especially in America). We are raised with sports, video games, and other sorts of organized activities where there are clear \u00e2\u20ac\u0153winners\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153losers.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

But in real life\u00e2\u20ac\u201d there are no clear \u00e2\u20ac\u0153winners\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or \u00e2\u20ac\u0153losers.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Is a billionaire really a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153winner\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in life when he is 50 pounds overweight, overwhelmed by 500+ emails a day, shitty relationships with his family and kids (or possibly divorced), and constantly pestered by his staff and the media? And is a Mexican immigrant living on minimum-wage (or \u00e2\u20ac\u0153under-the-table\u00e2\u20ac\u009d) wages truly a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153loser\u00e2\u20ac\u009d if he has a loving family, eats well, and sleeps at night without any stress?<\/p>\n

Why do we compete with one another so much? It is just an animalistic thing\u00e2\u20ac\u201d we crave hierarchy, and to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153one-up\u00e2\u20ac\u009d one another.<\/p>\n

But fuck competing with others. The only person we should compete with is ourselves.<\/p>\n

I have a personal rule; disregard the photography of others, and never compare my photography with others. Rather I just ask myself, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Am I a better photographer today than I was a year ago?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

This way, I compete against myself\u00e2\u20ac\u201d so I can still have a sense of progress, without a sense of envy or jealousy of others.<\/p>\n

Because to be honest; I am so prone to jealousy. I look at other photographers like Zach Arias and am jealous of his influence, how many comments he gets, and his commercial success. I am jealous of Kaiman Wong \u00e2\u20ac\u201d who is the most recognized person in photography, and lives this rockstar lifestyle. I am jealous of Magnum photographers who are the shit\u00e2\u20ac\u201d while my work is shit.<\/p>\n

But the funny thing is that we always look ahead of those who we are more successful then (and feel inadequate), while we never look behind us and to see all the others we are ahead of.<\/p>\n

The next time you look at someone driving the new Mustang or BMW M3, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t feel jealous. Be grateful of the car you currently drive (a Civic or a Prius) and consider the days when you drove a crappy 90\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Honda or Nissan that only turned on half-the-time. Or all of the other people who drive crappy American cars from the 80\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s that only get 15 mpg.<\/p>\n

Same with photography\u00e2\u20ac\u201d don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be jealous of people with the new digital Leica, or L lenses, whatever. Look at your humble camera (whether a Fuji, entry-level DSLR, etc) and consider all the people out there only with iPhones who would die<\/em> to have the camera you have.<\/p>\n

Another practical solution; re-read old reviews and commercials for the camera, phone, car, digital device you currently own.<\/p>\n

Recently I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been lusting after an iPhone (I currently have an Android); and I did something funny\u00e2\u20ac\u201d I first watched the iPhone 6S commercial on the Apple website. Then I watched the iPhone 6 commercial on YouTube. Then I watched the iPhone 5S commercial, the iPhone 5 commercial\u00e2\u20ac\u201d and then realized that all the different iPhones were far more similar than dissimilar\u00e2\u20ac\u201d and how excited people were to have their devices.<\/p>\n

For example, whenever I look at people with an iPhone 4S or iPhone 5\/5s\u00e2\u20ac\u201d I feel bad for them, because the screen looks so tiny. But when they first bought that phone, it was the best thing since sliced bread.<\/p>\n

Simple contentment<\/h2>\n

I still am afflicted by the disease of GAS (Gear Acquisition Syndrome). I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m the stereotypical American consumerist\u00e2\u20ac\u201d please do not put me inside a Socal mall or an Apple store; I think buying a new product will revolutionize my life and fix all my life\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s problems and dissatisfactions.<\/p>\n

The solution?<\/p>\n

Simple contentment.<\/p>\n

Being happy with the life and the things I already own. To be grateful for my humble 1-bedroom apartment in Berkeley. To be grateful for my smartphone, laptop, and camera. To be grateful for the friendship of my close friends, and the love of my family.<\/p>\n

I have another problem\u00e2\u20ac\u201d I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been wanting to minimize my life so much, that I have been suckered by this concept of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153minimalism.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Honestly; even the aesthetic movement of simplicity in minimalism is being marketed\u00e2\u20ac\u201d I want to buy an iPhone because it is more \u00e2\u20ac\u0153minimal\u00e2\u20ac\u009d than an Android; but it is another pointless purchase that I do not<\/em> need to make.<\/p>\n

Similarly with the camera you currently own. Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s say you have a DSLR that you find too big or clunky. You might want to buy a simpler camera. But do you really need to? Find ways you can be more content with your DSLR. If you want it to be smaller, perhaps you should take off your neck strap and put on a hand-strap. Perhaps take off that battery grip. Or don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t use your big-ass zoom lenses, try to put on a small prime lens or the smallest lens you own. Realize that DSLR\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s are fantastic\u00e2\u20ac\u201d you have a big bright optical viewfinder, there is no shutter-lag, and the photos buffer almost instantaneously. All smaller cameras have a trade-off.<\/p>\n

And realize that there is no \u00e2\u20ac\u0153perfect\u00e2\u20ac\u009d camera out there\u00e2\u20ac\u201d just how there is no \u00e2\u20ac\u0153perfect\u00e2\u20ac\u009d car out there.<\/p>\n

You buy a digital Leica and lens for $10,000? Oh yeah, you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have autofocus. You buy a new Sony a7RII and a bunch of Zeiss lenses? Good luck dealing with the file-sizes and having to upgrade your laptop and buy new hard-drives. You have the newest greatest DSLR and top-of-the-line lenses? Good luck lugging it around with you and wishing you kept it at home. If you have a compact camera that fits in your pocket, you will have to deal with the frustration of shutter-lag and slow buffering speeds.<\/p>\n

You have that new shiny BMW M3? Good luck with the speeding tickets, random jealous kids \u00e2\u20ac\u0153keying\u00e2\u20ac\u009d your car, the anxiety of having a dent, and the possibility of dying in a car accident (trying to speed-race some kid in a modified Civic). Have that new Prius? Good luck trying to accelerate on the freeway, and feeling like you are now \u00e2\u20ac\u0153domesticated.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Have that new Mustang\u00e2\u20ac\u201d just wait for the expression on your face when the newer version comes out and your model instantly feels outdated.<\/p>\n

Why is contentment so hard to obtain?<\/h2>\n

To be honest I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not content. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m always dissatisfied\u00e2\u20ac\u201d but I do believe it is possible to find \u00e2\u20ac\u0153contentment\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in life (look at all the Buddhist monks, Christian monks, and the famous philosophers from history).<\/p>\n

I think honestly we live in a more difficult time than the ancients. We are bombarded with advertising that plays on our cognitive biases to breed dissatisfaction.<\/p>\n

Nowadays with smartphones too\u00e2\u20ac\u201d shit, we are bombarded with advertisements left-and-right. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be a sucker\u00e2\u20ac\u201d uninstall pop-up and advertisement blockers (AdBlock Plus), and don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t let any ads hit your eyeballs, and stir up some sort of hidden desires that you didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even know you had.<\/p>\n

I am currently in southern-California with Cindy, and shit\u00e2\u20ac\u201d this place is horrible for materialism. Car dealerships on every other street corner, enticing your jealousy to buy a new car. Advertisements that are blinking-LED\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s on the freeway that urge you to go shopping for that 80% discount. Commercials on the radio\/Pandora that tell you to buy that new iPhone 6s (I mentioned to you before that I got hit with an iPhone 6S ad on Instagram, one of the reasons I took a break from using it). All the hipster coffee shops (like I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m at now) which tempt me to buy a new $300 pair of raw denim to fit in, and to buy other \u00e2\u20ac\u0153artistinal\u00e2\u20ac\u009d crap that I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need.<\/p>\n

Oh yeah, and the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153average\u00e2\u20ac\u009d car here is a BMW 3-series (the equivalent of driving a Honda Civic in some other state). Therefore luxury and riches are always thrust into our eyes, and we feel dissatisfied and unhappy with our own lives, and we don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t appreciate what we have.<\/p>\n

And oh man\u00e2\u20ac\u201d have you read a photography magazine recently? I personally don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t read any photography blogs or magazines that have advertisements. The only photo blogs I trust are my friends (Josh White) who runs jtinseoul.wordpress.com<\/a> and my friend Karl Edwards (StreetShootr.com<\/a>). Well my friend Karl has advertisements, but I trust him because he is a friend.<\/p>\n

But if you open up \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Popular Photography\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or any other mainstream photography magazine, holy shit\u00e2\u20ac\u201d 80% of the magazine seems to just be an advertisement for a new Sony camera or Canon L-lens or whatever. The same goes with any car magazines, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153lifestyle\u00e2\u20ac\u009d magazines (the worst\u00e2\u20ac\u201d they get you to buy shit to fit into a certain lifestyle). Kinfolk, Wired, Fast Company\u00e2\u20ac\u201d all these magazines just try to sell you crap (I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry, I love these publications for the design and the stories, but whenever I read them, I suddenly have an urge to buy something to fit into this certain \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcimage\u00e2\u20ac\u2122).<\/p>\n

Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t trust any website or blog that relies on advertising (pop-up ads, banner ads, etc) or affiliate links (BHPhoto or Amazon). I currently get around $700 a month from Amazon affiliate links\u00e2\u20ac\u201d which is good to subsidize my rent ($1300 a month) but it isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t enough for me to make a living off of. I am in the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153business\u00e2\u20ac\u009d of selling workshops (how I make my own living). So know that I am not trying to sell you anything, except perhaps trust in me so one day you can attend one of my workshops.<\/p>\n

But don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t trust any camera reviews out there that have affiliate links. Sure they say they are \u00e2\u20ac\u0153unbiased\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d but how can you truly be unbiased when you have a personal stake in a product? I can admit this myself\u00e2\u20ac\u201d I am never 100% honest in reviewing a camera when there is an affiliate link in it.<\/p>\n

The solution? Just test out the camera yourself. Rent\/buy it\u00e2\u20ac\u201d and if you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like it, return it. Nobody knows your preferences like you do.<\/p>\n

If you are an ice-cream connoisseur, and you absolutely hate<\/em> vanilla ice cream (and love chocolate)\u00e2\u20ac\u201d would you trust an \u00e2\u20ac\u0153ice cream reviewer\u00e2\u20ac\u009d who loves vanilla (and hates chocolate?) I doubt it.<\/p>\n

So don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t trust any of these camera reviews\u00e2\u20ac\u201d these are just nerds, no \u00e2\u20ac\u0153real\u00e2\u20ac\u009d photographer has the time to review cameras. They are too busy taking photos. Do you think you will see Bruce Gilden<\/a>, Bruce Davidson<\/a>, or Josef Koudelka<\/a> wasting their precious time reviewing the newest digital camera? Hell no\u00e2\u20ac\u201d they are out on the streets, pounding the pavement, and making art.<\/p>\n

Your own opinion of yourself is always #1<\/h2>\n

Sorry friend\u00e2\u20ac\u201d I got a bit detracted (like I always do). But my main message to you is this\u00e2\u20ac\u201d disregard the opinions of others, and value your own opinion of yourself above everyone else<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

If you have taken a photo that you like, why do you care what others think about it? Why do you upload it online? Do you do it to show your joy and happiness of the photograph with your friends and the world\u00e2\u20ac\u201d or do you upload it because you are not sure whether it is good or not, and simply want to figure out what the reaction of others is?<\/p>\n

If you think you are a good person, why do you ask people what you think of your character?<\/p>\n

If you think you are beautiful, why do you ask others how they would \u00e2\u20ac\u0153rate\u00e2\u20ac\u009d your attractiveness? An emerald doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need the words of others to tell itself its own beauty (credit Marcus Aurelius).<\/p>\n

Be content with your life. It is perfect now. Be content with all the physical things you own, they help you. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seek to add anything new to your life\u00e2\u20ac\u201d but perhaps to continue to subtract from your life (cut away excess and superfluous goods).<\/p>\n

Recently, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been a bit overwhelmed with all my possessions. I have a laptop, an iPad, a Kindle, iPod Nano, smartphone. When I want to listen to music, I always jump between my smartphone, laptop, and iPod nano. I just think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to get rid of the Nano\u00e2\u20ac\u201d why use it when I can just listen to music on my phone? And with reading\u00e2\u20ac\u201d I switch between my smartphone, iPad, and Kindle. I am currently \u00e2\u20ac\u0153settling\u00e2\u20ac\u009d with the Kindle Paperwhite\u00e2\u20ac\u201d but frankly speaking; I want to ditch it and just read normal paper books (I always wonder whether with e-books I am using the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153optimal\u00e2\u20ac\u009d device for reading, but with a physical book I never think this). As with my smartphone, I am going to be content with using Android\u00e2\u20ac\u201d using an iPhone will not change and revolutionize my life, just be content with the phone I have now, and not need to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153upgrade\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or change to something else.<\/p>\n

I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Leica-less\u00e2\u20ac\u009d (left the film Leica MP at home) for this holiday, and just been using a digital Ricoh GR II. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t honestly miss the film Leica, except every once in a while, I get an urging to buy a new Leica. But I need to honestly ask myself this question\u00e2\u20ac\u201d is it because I genuinely enjoy using a rangefinder, or is it because I am dissatisfied with my life and photography, and (mistakingly) think that buying a new camera will fix my life\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s problems?<\/p>\n

All I \u00e2\u20ac\u0153need\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in life are eggs (food), coffee (I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a slave to caffeine), and wifi (or else how can I share these ideas with you?) Everything else is superfluous.<\/p>\n

Life updates<\/h2>\n

What do I have \u00e2\u20ac\u0153prepared\u00e2\u20ac\u009d for the next few weeks?<\/p>\n

I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m currently in Garden Grove with Cindy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s family for the holidays. I am trying to enjoy my \u00e2\u20ac\u0153vacation\u00e2\u20ac\u009d with her family until early-Jan (when I go back to home to Berkeley). This means not being distracted by social media, emails, or any other distractions. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m trying my best to be present with Cindy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s family and to genuinely enjoy their company. But I am still flawed\u00e2\u20ac\u201d I prefer to read Stoic philosophy and books (currently re-reading \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Dialogues\u00e2\u20ac\u009d of Seneca) rather than actually sit and chat with them. I am still constantly distracted, but I am trying to be a little less shitty of a person everyday\u00e2\u20ac\u201d my only goal.<\/p>\n

I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m also trying to fight these demons and impulses of consumerism. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not fully-cured; but I hope one day I will. A lot of my writing is just self-therapy, and a letter that I hope will give you some sort of assistance, just as Seneca did with his friends.<\/p>\n

I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have all the answers; but I think I have found a few medicines that have cured (some) of my diseases\u00e2\u20ac\u201d and I want to share them with you. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t see me as being better than you\u00e2\u20ac\u201d I am probably worse than you.<\/p>\n

Shit, I just want to be happy. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m still not, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m afflicted with mental diseases, dissatisfaction, frustrations, family problems, and anxieties about how others view me.<\/p>\n

But once again\u00e2\u20ac\u201d I need to take my own advice; be content with what I have, who I am, and to not care about what others think about me\u00e2\u20ac\u201d but how I feel about myself.<\/p>\n

I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty happy with myself in the last few days, but I still get angry at Cindy for asking me to help her, and I lose my temper easily. Hopefully some more time disconnecting, more time reading philosophy, and cultivating understanding and patience will help me.<\/p>\n

You got this.<\/h2>\n

I believe in you too friend. Always have a stout heart. Imagine that you have golden armor protecting you from all parts of your body. You have an impenetrable steel-helmet covering your head. Whenever someone tries to attack you with an arrow, it will simply fly off the side of your helmet. If someone tries to pierce you in the heart, their spears will break off your chest-armor. If someone insults you, they will roll off your back \u00e2\u20ac\u0153like water off a duck\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s back\u00e2\u20ac\u009d (thank you Liz for this quote).<\/p>\n

When you go to sleep tonight, kiss all your loved ones. Imagine you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not going to wake up the next morning, or don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t imagine them to wake up the next morning.<\/p>\n

If you knew that today was your last day on earth; how would you act differently? What would you not<\/em> do? Would you really waste 2-hours of your precious time watching a movie, or would you spend that time to write some thoughts of importance to you, or enjoy the conversation of a friend?<\/p>\n

What I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m currently reading<\/h2>\n

I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m trying to re-read old books I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve enjoyed in the past, instead of trying to read new books.<\/p>\n

Some books I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve re-read:<\/p>\n