Sometimes it is good to be selfish with your time\u00e2\u20ac\u201c for the greater good. The more you spend your time wisely doing creative work, the more everybody benefits. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t feel guilty about it.<\/p>\n
I know a lot of people who make excuses for not being happy and living right now. They always look into the distant future and say, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be happy once I get that promotion, once I get that new car, once I get that new camera, once I get a million dollars in the bank.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d They work more and more, put in more hours, put on weight, put on more stress, in the hope that somewhere in the future\u00e2\u20ac\u201c they will finally have enough time and money to retire to a island somewhere in Hawaii where they can start to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153truly live\u00e2\u20ac\u009d.<\/p>\n
This is not a modern-day problem. Apparently the Romans had the same problem. Our friend and guide Seneca shares the problem of who spend their life \u00e2\u20ac\u0153in preparation to truly live\u00e2\u20ac\u009d:<\/p>\n
“Can anything be sillier than the point of view of certain people\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI mean those who boast of their foresight? They keep themselves very busily engaged in order that they may be able to live better; they spend life in making ready to live!”<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\nSeneca also laments how some people focus too much on their future selves, without enjoying themselves in the present moment:<\/p>\n
“They form their purposes with a view to the distant future; yet postponement is the greatest waste of life; it deprives them of each day as it comes, it snatches from them the present by promising something hereafter.”<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\nI know as responsible adults we should plan, save, and try to focus on our future selves. We are constantly told that we need to save up more money in our 401k, retirement funds, money so our kids can go to college, etc. However if we spend too much of our time and efforts thinking about the future, it prevents us from realizing we can be truly happy, and start living RIGHT NOW.<\/strong><\/p>\nNow I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not saying you should take your entire life\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s savings: buy a Leica, a ticket around the world for a year, and eschew all of your life\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s responsibilities. Far from it. I still encourage you to be frugal, thrifty, and save up for your future self.<\/p>\n
Rather, what I am trying to say is don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t let saving for the future distract you from that fact that you can truly live a productive and happy life as a photographer and human being RIGHT NOW<\/strong>.<\/p>\nI know personally I used to have a lot of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153if only\u00e2\u20ac\u009d statements when it came to my photography. For example:<\/p>\n
\n- If only I had more money, then I could buy a new camera, which would help me be more creative, and finally start making good photos.<\/li>\n
- If only I had a Leica, then I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t look so creepy shooting street photography, then I would have more confidence, and then I could finally start making good photos.<\/li>\n
- If only I lived in Paris, then I could be inspired by the city, and finally make good photos.<\/li>\n
- If only I had $1,000,000 saved up, then I could travel the world, and escape my boring cubicle office-job, and finally make good photos.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
However there is no reason why we can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make good photos right now. Presumably you already own a camera (even a smartphone is good enough), and have at least 1 hour of free time a day (if you say you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have at least an hour of free time a day I call bullshit). Why can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you start making photos right now?<\/p>\n
Sure not all of the photos are going to be great\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but I think the process of shooting everyday<\/strong> is the right habit to have. Keep stacking that habit of shooting everyday, until it becomes second nature. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not going to make a good photograph everyday\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but that isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the point.<\/p>\nI think photography is a beautiful tool to augment our life\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s experiences. When I have a camera in hand, I am much more cognizant of the beauty around me, and it forces me to live life more purposefully.<\/p>\n
And once again the beauty of street photography is that we have no excuses\u00e2\u20ac\u201c we can do it literally anywhere. We aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t doing landscape photography or wildlife photography here. You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need a double-rainbow in the background to make an interesting photo.<\/p>\n
Even if you live in a boring neighborhood\u00e2\u20ac\u201c look to the work of William Eggleston and Lee Friedlander (who made great street photographs in boring areas).<\/p>\n
And ultimately at the end of the day remember\u00e2\u20ac\u201c it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to be \u00e2\u20ac\u0153street photography\u00e2\u20ac\u009d. To me, as long as what you photograph you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re passionate about\u00e2\u20ac\u201c that is all that matters.<\/p>\n
6. Real leisure is active, not passive<\/h2>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Even the leisure of some men is engrossed; in their villa or on their couch, in the midst of solitude, although they have withdrawn from all others, they are themselves the source of their own worry; we should say that these are living, not in leisure, but in busy idleness.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d – Seneca<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
One of the big lessons I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve learned about happiness and living a fulfilled life is that \u00e2\u20ac\u0153leisure\u00e2\u20ac\u009d (free time) is best used doing something active (photographing, writing, spending time with loved ones) rather than doing something passive (watching TV, trashy entertainment magazines, etc).<\/p>\n
There is something in psychology called \u00e2\u20ac\u0153flow\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c in which when we are totally engrossed in an activity, it gives us a sense of euphoria. It is often a task which is challenging that pushes our human potential. People often fall into states of flow (or being \u00e2\u20ac\u0153in the zone\u00e2\u20ac\u009d) when reading books, writing, photographing, rock climbing, running, etc. We are most engaged, happy, and productive when we are active.<\/p>\n
I know a lot of people daydream of finally taking a vacation and just relaxing on the beach with a Corona and lime. But ironically enough that doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t bring us real happiness (despite what the advertisers of alcoholic beverages and hotel resorts want you to think about).<\/p>\n
When you are tired after a long day of work, drinking a beer and vegging out in front of the TV isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t going to make you feel better. It will just make you feel more lethargic, tired, and dead. Rather, when you are tired\u00e2\u20ac\u201c do something active. Go to the gym, walk around the block and take some photos, do something active.<\/p>\n
I think we often make the wrong assumption that doing any sort of activity that is vigorous will just tire us out. I think this is the wrong assumption\u00e2\u20ac\u201c as activities that we are truly excite us tend to envigorate us and give us energy.<\/p>\n
For example, when I go to the gym (which takes a lot of physical and mental energy) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c I feel much more pumped-up after I leave the gym. Similarly when I often don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t feel like going out and shooting, I just tell myself that I will go on a walk (and I bring my camera along). However once I start walking, I start seeing photos, and then I start getting excited, and start making photos. Once I get home, I feel this sense of excitement and glow eminating from inside my body\u00e2\u20ac\u201c which makes me feel truly alive.<\/p>\n
So remember: if you have any free time, spend it doing something active (ie. taking photos).<\/p>\n
7. Seize the day<\/h2>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why do you delay,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says he, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why are you idle? Unless you seize the day, it flees.<\/strong>\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Even though you seize it, it still will flee; therefore you must vie with time\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s swiftness in the speed of using it, and, as from a torrent that rushes by and will not always flow, you must drink quickly.” – Seneca<\/p><\/blockquote>\nFor a while I had the words \u00e2\u20ac\u0153carpe diem\u00e2\u20ac\u009d (seize the day in Latin) posted to my desk. Everyday when I was feeling shitty, tired, or unmotivated\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I would look at those words, and it would suddenly give me a fire in my belly.<\/p>\n
Seize the day.<\/p>\n
Everyday is a brand new day, a new blank slate. It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter if you wasted your time the day before. I know a waste a lot of my time, and often go to sleep with regrets (not making more photos during the day, not going to the gym, not spending more time with my loved ones, and not writing\/reading more). But everyday I go to sleep and tell myself, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Tomorrow will be a better day.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And when I wake up, I bless God for giving me a chance at another day, and I then tell myself to seize the day, and not waste another moment.<\/p>\n
Seneca says in the quote above that we need to seize the day, and we shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be idle. Not only that but even though we seize the day\u00e2\u20ac\u201c time still slips away in-between our finger-tips.<\/p>\n
Imagine if you were lost in a desert. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve walked for miles and hours on end, with no salvation in sight. You are so parched, that your throat feels like sandpaper. Suddenly, an Oasis of water appears. Theres is a waterfall of icy, fresh, and crystal-clear water. But the catch: the waterfall will only last for 30 more seconds. You then run over, and inhale as much water as you possibly can for those 30 minutes (knowing that there won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be any more) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and you will have to journey for many more miles on end (without the hope of any more water).<\/p>\n
I think that is an apt analogy for our lives and time. It is constantly slipping away. Even if we make our best efforts to effectively use our time, attention, and concentration\u00e2\u20ac\u201c we are still losing it.<\/p>\n
Sometimes life can feel like an uphill battle, but my suggestion is this: live life furiously, to the fullest, without hesitation, intentionally, and gratefully.<\/strong> Be present in whatever you are doing, and be gracious of every moment time has given you to live your life. Because before long, you will be dead and no longer able to appreciate the joys of everyday life.<\/p>\n8. The difference of living long (versus existing long)<\/h2>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153There is no reason for you to think that any man has lived long because he has grey hairs or wrinkles; he has not lived long\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhe has existed long.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d – Seneca<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I know a lot of photographers who claim that they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been photographing for \u00e2\u20ac\u015330 years\u00e2\u20ac\u009d. But have they really<\/em> been photographing for 30 years? Or have they been simply making a few snapshots here and there (only on the weekends or when they travel to Yosemite or Paris) over 30 years.<\/p>\nAge is a funny thing. A lot of people often think that old age leads to wisdom. It can be a contributing factor\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but not always the case.<\/p>\n
I know a lot of older people who have lived life unpurposefully\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and have lots of resentment and regret in their life. As Seneca has mentioned, they haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t lived long\u00e2\u20ac\u201c they have merely existed a long time.<\/p>\n
So I think what our buddy Seneca is telling us the following: It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter how long you exist, it matters how purposefully you live.<\/strong> For example, someone who is 30 years old (and discovered that he only has 2 years left to live) and spent those 2 years living meaningfully and purposefully could die happier than someone who lived 80 years (living a life full of regret not doing what they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re truly passionate about).<\/p>\nLiving a long life is overrated. Who cares if you live to be 100 years old, if you just spend all of that time watching television, listening to the demands of others, and never making time for yourself and what makes you feel truly alive?<\/p>\n
Another analogy one of the Stoics give us (forget if it is Seneca or Marcus Aurelius) is that life is like a play: it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter how much time we are given on-stage. What matters more is how good our acting is.<\/strong> So it is better to be given 5 minutes on stage (and give a great performance) than if you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re given a lead-role and have an hour on stage (and give a shitty performance).<\/p>\nLife is the same way. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t yearn to live a long life\u00e2\u20ac\u201c yearn to live a meaningful life.<\/p>\n
And you can do that starting now.<\/p>\n
9. Imagine you were given a second shot at life<\/h2>\n
You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to be an old man (or woman) on his\/her deathbed\u00e2\u20ac\u201c regretting life like the following:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Decrepit old men beg in their prayers for the addition of a few more years; they pretend that they are younger than they are; they comfort themselves with a falsehood, and are as pleased to deceive themselves as if they deceived Fate at the same time. But when at last some infirmity has reminded them of their mortality, in what terror do they die, feeling that they are being dragged out of life, and not merely leaving it. They cry out that they have been fools, because they have not really lived, and that they will live henceforth in leisure if only they escape from this illness; then at last they reflect how uselessly they have striven for things which they did not enjoy, and how all their toil has gone for nothing\u00e2\u20ac\u009d – Seneca<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I once read a story of an emperor, king, or some other powerful person in ancient Rome in which everytime he went to bed, he would have servants put him in a casket, parade him around the palace and say something like, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, he has lived, he has truly lived!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And then the man goes to bed (in the coffin), literally imagining his death in a visceral, vivid way. I think he did this to remind himself that death was just around the corner, and that he should live a virtuous life. And when he woke up the next morning, he literally felt as if God gave him a second chance in life, and would live more vigorously.<\/p>\n
Funny enough, I heard that there are some people in Asia (not sure if Japan or Korea) where they give \u00e2\u20ac\u0153mock funerals\u00e2\u20ac\u009d to people who are depressed or feel purposeful in life. They literally invite the entire family and give a fake funeral, with friends and family giving speeches in terms of how meaningful the person was in their life, and how much they were sad that they were dead. Then the person (fake dead person) would be put into a casket, and literally nailed shut. After a few hours, they open up the casket\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and the person is \u00e2\u20ac\u0153reborn\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c given a second chance at life. Apparently this gives people a psychological kick-in-the-ass, better helping them appreciate their lives before they do something stupid like commit suicide by jumping in front of a train or off a bridge.<\/p>\n
I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not telling you to do something similar by having people act out your mock funeral. But what I am saying is that everytime you go to sleep at night\u00e2\u20ac\u201c literally ask yourself, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If I died tonight in my sleep, would I regret anything in life?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And if you say \u00e2\u20ac\u0153yes\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c write down or think about what you will regret not having done more (taken more photos, published a photography book, done an exhibition, traveled more, wrote more, read more, spent more time with friends and family, etc). And if you happen to wake up in the morning, bless God that you were given another shot at life. And true story\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I know some people who are older (75+) who do have a fear of going to sleep at not waking up the next morning.<\/p>\n
I fly a lot\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and with all of these news of planes crashing, getting hijacked, etc\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I often get a slight tinge of fear (and death) when I fly\u00e2\u20ac\u201c especially when I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m taking off or if there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a lot of turbulence in the air. So when I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m taking off on my flight (and the cabin crew yells at me to turn off my phone or iPad) I close my eyes, relax, and imagine: If I died on this plane, is there something in life I would regret? Fortunately it is most often \u00e2\u20ac\u0153no\u00e2\u20ac\u009d (I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t die with regrets) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c but there are times it is \u00e2\u20ac\u0153yes\u00e2\u20ac\u009d (in those cases\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I tell myself if I am given a second shot at life and land safely, I won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t waste my time anymore).<\/p>\n
I also read something from Marcus Aurelius (in \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Meditations\u00e2\u20ac\u009d) that everytime you kiss your child to sleep, imagine that he\/she won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t wake up the next morning and will die in his\/her sleep (a lot of children died back then).<\/p>\n
Thinking about death can come off as grotesque\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and talking about death is a huge taboo, especially in the west. However the more I think we can have mature conversations about death\u00e2\u20ac\u201c it can give us a huge upside: focusing more on life and living intentionally.<\/p>\n
So psychologically imagine your death (by closing your eyes, imagining the details vividly, with sermons being given, your family weeping, you being tossed into the grave, etc) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and then open your eyes and tell yourself: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Time to stop wasting time for shit that doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter. It is time for me to go forth on my life\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s task\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and give every ounce of energy, life, and soul to accomplish it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
10. The only time that exists is the present<\/h2>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Present time is very brief, so brief, indeed, that to some there seems to be none; for it is always in motion, it ever flows and hurries on; it ceases to be before it has come, and can no more brook delay than the firmament or the stars, whose ever unresting movement never lets them abide in the same track. The engrossed, therefore, are concerned with present time alone, and it is so brief that it cannot be grasped, and even this is filched away from them, distracted as they are among many things.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d – Seneca<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
The only thing that is certain is the present moment. The future is uncertain (we don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what will happen), the past has already occured (we can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t change it). The only thing we have control over is the present moment. How we currently are thinking, how we are feeling, what we are doing in the moment.<\/p>\n
Whenever I get distracted, I always am able to get back to my course of thinking by simply saying: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What am I doing in my present moment to improve my condition, to improve my thinking, or living more creatively?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
For example, if I am feeling dissatisfied with my photography (which I am often) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c I will think, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What can I do in this present moment to improve my photography?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Upon thinking that\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I might literally grab my camera, exit my apartment, and go on a walk around the block and snap photos for around 30 minutes. I might go to my library and pull out a random photography book that inspires me, and delve into it\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and gain inspiration that way. Or I might do research on a photographer who interests me, and add to my \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Learn to the Masters\u00e2\u20ac\u009d series for my blog.<\/p>\n
I have a saying for myself: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Tomorrow is never.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/strong> If I ever tell myself, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll just do it later or tomorrow\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c I never end up getting it done. So I either do something immediately, or just forget about it. For example, if I want to spend more time with Cindy \u00e2\u20ac\u201c rather than just saying to myself, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll take her out on a date sometime\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll do something in the present (give her a phone call or text message asking how she is doing, writing her a card, or surprising her with a bar of delicious chocolate (at least 70% or higher). If I am unhappy with my physical condition at the present moment, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll go to the gym and workout, do a few pushups in my room, or just be conscientious to watch my diet for the rest of the day.<\/p>\nFocus on what you can do in the present moment, because that is all that exists.<\/p>\n
11. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get distracted; stay on-course<\/h2>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What if you should think that that man had had a long voyage who had been caught by a fierce storm as soon as he left harbour, and, swept hither and thither by a succession of winds that raged from different quarters, had been driven in a circle around the same course? Not much voyaging did he have, but much tossing about.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d – Seneca<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I think nowadays one of the most difficult things to do is not get distracted.<\/strong> Distractions are pervasive, through emails, text messages, social media, etc.<\/p>\nI think in our photography it is easy to get distracted as well. While I do believe in the idea of experimentation\u00e2\u20ac\u201c sometimes experimenting too much<\/em> can detract us. Just like Seneca says, life is like a voyage in a ship. We can be tossed and thrown around in different directions, but still end up where we started.<\/p>\nRather, I think in our voyage in photography\u00e2\u20ac\u201c we should always advance our work.<\/p>\n
For example, one of the biggest distractions that I personally face in my photography is being tempted by different equipment. Digital, 35mm film, medium-format film, smartphone, etc. Then there is switching between black and white and color.<\/p>\n
I think one of the things that has given me the greatest focus and sense of direction is choosing one camera, one lens, one film \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and pursuing a single project with it. For example in my \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Suits\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Only in America\u00e2\u20ac\u009d series it is all being done in a film Leica MP, 35mm f\/2 lens, and Kodak Portra 400 film.<\/p>\n
For a project I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m doing around my house (just urban landscapes of Berkeley), I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m using a medium-format film Hasselblad and Kodak Portra 400 120 film.<\/p>\n
For miscellaneous documentary work I do, I tend to shoot black and white digital (either on a Fujifilm XT\u00e2\u20ac\u201c1 or a Ricoh GRD V).<\/p>\n
I find that is another benefit of working on a project: you are working towards something, and making progress.<\/p>\n
I think it can often be a bit distracting to be doing too many different types of photography. When I started shooting, I did everything: wedding, portraiture, macro, landscape, HDR, selective-color, and street photography. I was like a Wal-Mart photographer, okay at every genre (but not really good or focused in on one). The biggest change in my photography was when I realized that street photography was my passion, and I decided to ignore all other types of photography\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and to just focus on my street photography.<\/p>\n
There is also a similar analogy called the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Helsinki bus theory\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c in which a photographer\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s life starts off at a bus stop. Then there are all these different bus routes that go in different directions. You hop on one bus (which is a style of photography), but then you might pre-maturely jump off the bus, to simply get on a different bus route (a different style of photography). But the more you jump off and go on different buses, you never really find your style or vision as a photographer. The author\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s piece of advice? \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Stay on the fucking bus.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/strong><\/p>\nI think while having lots of options and flexibilities can be exciting\u00e2\u20ac\u201c the real creativity comes from constraints, and having fewer options.<\/p>\n
So avoid distractions in your life and photography, whether it is spending too much time on social media (Flickr, Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, etc), or blogs (gear rumor sites, gear review sites, reddit), or anything else which distracts you from your artistic purpose.<\/p>\n
Conclusion<\/h2>\n
Remember, life is short. You never know when you will die. Do you want to be 80 years old, on your deathbed, and regret not having traveled more, having photographed more, and having lived life more purposefully?<\/p>\n
I think the secret to living a life full of energy, fulfillment, and progress is to eliminate what is a distraction from your life\u00e2\u20ac\u201c whether it be negative people, bullshit on social media, or anything which pulls you away from what is important in your life (whether it be photography, writing, reading, spending time with people who you love).<\/p>\n
You might die tomorrow, you never know. So live life to the fullest. Be selfish and greedy with your time \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and invest that energy, time, and attention into doing meaningful creative work. Society will be benefitted as a whole. Live for the common good, and creatively thrive.<\/p>\n
You have no limits, but your days are limited. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t waste it\u00e2\u20ac\u201c go and seize the day and shoot last today were your last!<\/p>\n
Chapter #2: How to Deal with Negative Critics<\/h1>\n
For this chapter in my on-going \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Letters from a Stoic” book, I wanted to write a topic that I am very familiar with\u00e2\u20ac\u201c how to deal with negative criticism (and thrive and benefit from it).<\/p>\n
For those of you who have followed me and my blog for a while\u00e2\u20ac\u201c you will know that I have a fair amount of negative critics and negative criticism. Here are a list of things I have been critiqued (or criticized, hated for) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and a list of (sort of similar to real-life) comments I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve gotten:<\/p>\n
\n- \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Eric, your blog sucks. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re just a wanna-be street photographer, who bites off all the styles of other photographers like Bruce Gilden. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re a fake. You need to find your own style and voice, not just imitate others (and do it horribly in the process)\u00e2\u20ac\u009d (something like this on the blog)<\/li>\n
- \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If you ever took a photo of me with a flash, I would punch you in the throat, bash your Leica in your face, and then throw you in front of a bus\u00e2\u20ac\u009d (YouTube)<\/li>\n
- \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been shooting longer since you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been a little sperm in your daddy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s left nutsack. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t tell me what to do.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n
- \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re a scammer and a charlatan. What gives you the right or the authority to teach workshops on street photography? Why don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you do everyone a favor and refund the money they give you for attending your shitty workshops, and send them off to a real workshop?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n
- \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Eric Kim is the Ken Rockwell of the street photography world.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n
- \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Eric Kim is the Kim Kardashian of the street photography world (famous for doing absolutely nothing.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n
- \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I hate asian people\u00e2\u20ac\u201c that Eric Kim kid is really annoying.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n
- \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Eric, not to sound like a jerk, but honestly you should stop blogging about street photography. You obviously don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know anything, and you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve stuffed more mis-information into the minds of your viewers than give back something of value. Please. Just. Stop. Blogging.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Those are all the ones I can think off the top of my head\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve gotten hundreds (maybe even thousands) of negative comments and criticism over the last 4 years I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been running this blog \u00e2\u20ac\u201c directly on the blog comments, on YouTube, Facebook, Flickr, Instagram, Tumblr, Facebook messages, email, online forums, etc.<\/p>\n
A lot of people ask me, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Eric, how do you deal with all the critics and haters?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Honestly\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t deal with it very well. Whenever I read a negative comment (can even be constructive criticism) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c my heart rate instantly spikes, and I start breathing heavily. I start to get tension headaches, and I can feel stress in my body elevate via increased cortisol through my body. I start becoming anxious and paranoid, and then I feel deep and sharp pangs in my heart.<\/p>\n
I put my heart, soul, energy, time, and blood into this blog and everything I create. I try to be as authentic and real as I can. I try to promote transparency. I try to make myself vulnerable by being as honest as I can, but by wearing my heart on my sleeve\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I leave myself open to being attacked and wounded.<\/p>\n
Over the years, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve gotten a lot better at dealing with negative criticism.<\/p>\n
The first time I got tons of negative criticism online (a video of me shooting with flash in Hollywood on YouTube)\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I literally had a quarter-life street photography crisis in which I did feel like a fake, a wanna-be, a poser, a noob \u00e2\u20ac\u201c whatever\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and ended up putting down my camera for a month (and didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take any photos). It was the first time in my life in which tons of people said lots of negative, hurtful, and even violent things towards me, and I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know how to react. I just huddled up into a ball. I am fortunate for my friends, family, and close colleagues who helped me through that part of my life.<\/p>\n
So how have I been able to deal a lot with this negativity and criticism?<\/p>\n
Bingo, you know it\u00e2\u20ac\u201c the art of stoicism.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Meditations\u00e2\u20ac\u009d by Marcus Aurelius<\/h2>\n
One of the biggest sources of inspiration (and defense against negative criticism) was from Marcus Aurelius\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 book: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Meditations.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d A quick background: Marcus Aurelius was once the most powerful man in the world (emperor of the Roman Empire) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and also a stealth-stoic. He followed the philosophy of Stoicism (not seeking for happiness in externals, but internals) all in a world filled with chaos (death, back-stabbing, and uncertainty).<\/p>\n
The lessons I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve learned from Marcus Aurelius (he wrote them over 1,000 years ago) still apply greatly today. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think in the last 2,000 years human interaction, society, or conflict has changed much at all. We still feel jealousy, envy, anger, pain, confusion, guilt, and depression.<\/p>\n
To be fair\u00e2\u20ac\u201c the ancient Romans had it far worse than we did. They dealt with uncertainty in terms of death and life. Our problems are much more insignificant compared to theirs (our \u00e2\u20ac\u0153first world problems\u00e2\u20ac\u009d). However the pain we get from negative criticism and critique is still as painful (instead of getting it from back-stabbing political conspirators, we get it from co-workers, colleagues, strangers on the internet, false friends, etc).<\/p>\n
Stoicism and Street Photography (and life)<\/h2>\n
Once again, Stoicism has been one of the best philosophies that help me wake up in the morning, take on the uncertainties of everyday, and not just survive\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but thrive. What doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t kill me only makes me stronger.<\/p>\n
For this blog post, I quoted from a new modern translation of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Meditations\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c titled \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Emperor\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Handbook\u00e2\u20ac\u009d. It isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t as faithful a translation as the other ones out there\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but much more readable and understandable.<\/p>\n
I wanted to share some strategies that Marcus Aurelius wrote (to console himself) in private\u00e2\u20ac\u201c which has helped me greatly:<\/p>\n
1. Everyday, expect negativity<\/h2>\n
The interesting thing about \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Meditations\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is that Marcus Aurelius wrote them in private. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think he ever intended anyone else to write them. If anything, it was a form of self-therapy for himself (the stresses of an emperor is quite great).<\/p>\n
So in one of his passages in the book, he writes that he expects everyday to be filled with negative people:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153First thing every morning tell yourself: today I am going to meet a busybody, an ingrate, a bully, a liar, a schemer, and a boor. Ignorance of good and evil has made them what they are.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
However he reminds himself that these wrong-doers are in-fact his brothers. By associating the negative people in his life as his family, it helps soften the blow:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But I know that the good is by nature beautiful and the bad ugly, and I know that these wrong-doers are by nature my brothers<\/strong>, not by blood or bleeding, but by being similarly endowed with reason and sharing the divine.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nMarcus also puts together some beautiful words of wisdom\u00e2\u20ac\u201c in the sense that he will not let anyone\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s thoughts or feelings hurt him. He reminds himself: we were all put on this earth to help one another:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153None of them can harm me, for none of them can force me to do the wrong against my will, and I cannot be angry with a brother or resent him, for we were born into this world to work together like the feet, hands, eyelids, and upper and lower rows of teeth.<\/strong> To work against one another is contrary to nature, and what could be more like working against someone than resenting or abandoning him?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nTakeaway point:<\/h3>\n
I think it is foolish for us to wakeup every morning and expect life to be easy-peasy, and for there to be no conflict in our everyday lives. We should always expect there to be negativity, criticism, and pain in our lives. I once read a quote (think it is from Marcus Aurelius) that said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Life is more like wrestling than dancing.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/strong> Life is tough.<\/p>\nI think when it comes to street photography, it is foolish for us to think that everything is going to be easy. The fact is, sooner or later (if it hasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t happened already) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c people are going to give you shit for shooting street photography. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to have people be suspicious of you and your intentions, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to have people who tell you to \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcfuck off\u00e2\u20ac\u2122, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to get threats of physical violence, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to get people threaten to call the cops on you, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to have people call you a creep, etc.<\/p>\n
Furthermore, your photos are going to be criticized. Whether verbally (or non-verbally) people are going to think your photos are boring, that they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re cliche, that they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re shitty, that they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re uninspired, that they have poor composition, whatever.<\/p>\n
I think therefore like a Roman Centurion getting ready for battle\u00e2\u20ac\u201c we should always go into the battlefield with our full-body armor on. What kind of foolish soldier would go into a battle without any sort of armor?<\/p>\n
The same way in our daily lives and in our street photography, we should put on our mental armor. We need to expect the flying arrows, the jabbing spears, the slashing swords. We need to expect to be hit, trampled over, or elbowed in the side of the head.<\/p>\n
Life is a battle, and life is tough. But realize that ultimately\u00e2\u20ac\u201c we are all on the same team, the same army. We were all born from the same stock, and ultimately\u00e2\u20ac\u201c we are all brothers in sisters in this war of life.<\/p>\n
However I think we often get misguided\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and fight with one another (instead of fighting together). So the next time someone critiques you, yells at you, threatens you\u00e2\u20ac\u201c whatever, remember: he is your brother or sister. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take it personally, and don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t resent others for their words or actions.<\/p>\n
2. Just do it (and don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t worry about the consequences)<\/h2>\n
The Nike motto: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Just do it\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is quite apt in life (and street photography).<\/p>\n
There have been tons of times where I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve wanted to shoot a street photograph, but chickened out because I was scared or afraid of the consequences. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to get yelled at, threatened, or punched in the face.<\/p>\n
Similarly whenever I upload a photograph on the internet, I get a tinge of anxiety\u00e2\u20ac\u201c because I know my photograph will be judged. I know that some people will think my photos suck, that they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not as good as my \u00e2\u20ac\u0153old stuff\u00e2\u20ac\u009d, or just critique me for being me.<\/p>\n
What advice does Marcus give us? Just do it\u00e2\u20ac\u201c as it is better to have done something (and be criticized for it), rather than not doing it at all:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Claim your right to say or do anything that accords with nature, and pay no attention to the chatter of your critics. If it is good to say or do something, then it is even better to be criticized for having said or done it.<\/strong>\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nUltimately, we need to follow our own conscience and inner-system of morales. Everybody is different, so let us not compare our actions and thoughts and words with others. Let us follow our own inner-compass:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Others have their own consciences to guide them and will follow their own lights. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be gazing after them, but keep your eyes on the straight path ahead of you, the path of your own nature and of the nature of the universe. The path of both is the same.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Takeaway point:<\/h3>\n
Our thoughts, actions, words will always be judged by others. This is because everyone has a different inner-compass. Everyone has a different drummer that they march to.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
For example, when it comes to the way you shoot street photography \u00e2\u20ac\u201c others might find it offensive. But you might not find it offensive.<\/p>\n
Others might not like your photos, but you like your photos.<\/p>\n
Others might not like your definition of street photography, but it resonates with you.<\/p>\n
Sometimes I think many of us fall victim to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153paralysis by analysis.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Meaning\u00e2\u20ac\u201c we worry too much about over-analyzing actions or our words that we fail to do anything at all (because we worry to much about the consequences).<\/p>\n
For example, I have silenced myself a lot from speaking my mind because I was afraid of being criticized. Or similarly, I have missed thousands of potential street photography opportunities because I was afraid of being negatively judged (or criticized).<\/p>\n
Follow your own inner-moral compass, and just do what feels right to you. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t look at others for their approval. Just do it.<\/p>\n
3. You are nothing but a tiny speck in the universe<\/h2>\n
To be honest, at the end of the day\u00e2\u20ac\u201c no matter how mean or critical others are you, it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really matter in the big scheme of things. The universe doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t care about your suffering\u00e2\u20ac\u201c or your small problems.<\/p>\n
We tend to amplify our own problems, and think that they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re the biggest problems in the world. A co-worker or boss yells at us and criticizes us and our work, a former lover cheats on us, a hobo chases us after (wrongly) assuming we took his photograph.<\/p>\n
Whenever I personally have tough shit going on in my life (or what I think is tough) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c I remind myself: I am nothing but a tiny speck in this universe, and what I am experiencing doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really matter in a vast scale.<\/p>\n
Marcus Aurelius reminds us to think about how small we are\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and how insignificant human affairs are in general:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Imagine if you were able to soar above the clouds and look down upon the whole scope of human affairs how trifling they would seem in relation to the vast expanse of space and the hosts of heaven. No matter how often you took flight, you would see the same things, so monotonous, so fleeting. What grounds for pride are these?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Takeaway point:<\/h3>\n
Ultimately, the universe doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t care about us and our suffering. Imagine a bird\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eye view of the world. Think about how tiny our buildings are (which cost millions of dollars) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and how tiny human beings are (they look like little ants that can just be stomped on.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
In-fact, whenever I go on a flight and look out of the window\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I realize that all of my problems, stresses, and anxieties, and lust after wealth, power, and prestige is really insignificant. I see San Francisco as a speck of dust from an airplane, and think to myself, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Man, there is all this stress, anxiety, and suffering in humanity\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but we are all so tiny at the end of the day.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
So not to diminish your own personal stresses, trials, and tribulations\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but realize, we are all going to die one day, and none of it is going to matter. Who is going to care if someone yelled at you for taking their photograph? Who is going to care if you got someone to threaten to call the cops on you? Who is going to care that there is a random troll who talks shit about on you Twitter or anonymously via the comment sections of blogs, or behind-your-back (in real life)?<\/p>\n
We are nothing but a tiny speck.<\/p>\n
So next time you have any personal (or photography-related) negativity or criticism or hate, zoom out of your life, and realize that it is not really a big deal\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and sooner or later, it will come to pass.<\/p>\n
4. See the world from your critic\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s perspective<\/h2>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Delve into what motivates and governs them, and you will expose the critics you fear and see what poor critics they are of themselves.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d – Marcus Aurelius<\/p>\n
I remember when I was a kid and being bullied in middle-school, someone told me: Bullies only bully because they themselves are insecure.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I remember when I first heard that, I thought that was absolute bullshit. Why would bullies bully others if they were insecure? Didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t they know how much it hurt? Why would they want to do that to themselves?<\/p>\n
Personally\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve met some (former) critics of mine over coffee, and realized that a lot of their past critics of me weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t about me\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but about their own insecurities.<\/p>\n
For example, I have a friend (who used to be a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153hater\u00e2\u20ac\u009d) tell me that when he was writing a lot of negative stuff about me on the internet, he himself was going through a divorce, going through financial problems, wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t getting much work as a photographer, feeling insecure about his photography\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and he just needed a place to vent his negative feelings and emotions. And of course unfortunately, that scapegoat ended up being me.<\/p>\n
Similarly, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve once had someone write stuff on the internet not to sign up for my workshops \u00e2\u20ac\u201c that I was a hack and charlatan, and just trying to steal money from others. And then I find that photographer is now starting his own series of street photography workshops \u00e2\u20ac\u201c advertising, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Watch out for the fake street photography workshops out there\u00e2\u20ac\u201c mine are the \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcreal\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 street photography workshops.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
So nowadays, when I see people writing negative things about me online\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I have realized, it is less about myself and what I am doing. It is more about them.<\/p>\n
Think about it: most people don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t anonymously troll others on the internet. What kind of sadness, pain, loneliness, and depression must that individual go through to go to the lengths to anonymously criticize another person on the internet (that they don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even know in-person)?<\/p>\n
Takeaway point<\/h3>\n
Now whenever I get negative feedback or criticism, or hate\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get angry at the other person. Rather, I feel pity.<\/p>\n
I feel pity for the person that they must (also) be going through tough shit in life. I almost want to sit down with that person and ask them, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hey bro, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been putting a lot of negativity out there. Is everything okay personally in your life? Is there anything you want to sit down and talk about? I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m all ears.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
So the next time someone is negative or critical of you and your photography\u00e2\u20ac\u201c don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take it personally.<\/p>\n
For example, if someone doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like vanilla ice cream (and criticizes you liking chocolate ice cream)\u00e2\u20ac\u201c nobody is \u00e2\u20ac\u0153wrong.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d It is just a matter of taste.<\/p>\n
So let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s say you like to shoot portraits of people on the street with permission (and someone likes candid photos of people without permission). Nobody is \u00e2\u20ac\u0153wrong\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c they just have different tastes and approaches. But often a lot of arguments happen over \u00e2\u20ac\u0153what is street photography\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and how others demonize others for doing it the \u00e2\u20ac\u009dwrong” way.<\/p>\n
Different strokes for different folks.<\/p>\n
So once again, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take negativity feedback or words or actions personally. Rather, feel love and compassion for others. Give them a hug.<\/p>\n
5. It might be unintentional (or an accident)<\/h2>\n
We take all this negative feedback and criticism personally\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but sometimes it really isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t bad at all.<\/p>\n
For example, sometimes people say words (without really thinking) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c which ends up hurting you. But it isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t exactly the words that the person said which hurt you, but it is your own interpretation of the words.<\/p>\n
For example if someone said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Wow\u00e2\u20ac\u201c you lost a lot of weight!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Some people might take it as a compliment, while others might think to themselves, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Wait\u00e2\u20ac\u201c that person used to think I was fat? What an asshole.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Or if someone says, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The background of your photograph is a bit messy and distracting\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d ditch the shot\u00e2\u20ac\u009d they might just be trying to give honest feedback and critique (intending to help you) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c rather than criticizing you.<\/p>\n
But of course we are all defensive. We are risk-adverse. It is natural, but we can over-ride that from some psychological tricks.<\/p>\n
The first strategy is this (given to us by Marcus): Imagine you are working out at the gym, and someone accidentally bumps you in the back of your head with your elbow. It really hurts, you turn around, and you found out that it was on accident. You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take it personally\u00e2\u20ac\u201c because they didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t intend<\/em> to hurt you. It just happened:<\/p>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153If someone accidentally scratches us with his nails or butts us with his head when we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re working out in the gym, we don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make a fuss, or strike back in anger, or suspect of him of intending to do us future harm. At the same time, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll probably give him a wide berth, not out of hostility or suspicion, but with good-natured circumspection. Apply this principle outside the gym, and cut life\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sparring partners some slack. You can always avoid them, as I said, without suspicion for hating them.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
There was another analogy I read somewhere: You are rowing a boat in the middle of a foggy lake, and suddenly you feel another boat suddenly ram you in the side, and it shakes you entire boat. You get neck pain from the whiplash. You are angry, and look over (ready to yell at the other person) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and realize that it is just an empty boat that happened to collide with you. You have nobody to be angry at\u00e2\u20ac\u201c it just happened.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Takeaway point:<\/h3>\n
Realize that a lot of what we interpret as negative feedback, hate, or vitriol isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really so. A lot of might be simply misinterpreted by us\u00e2\u20ac\u201c or unintended.<\/p>\n
For example, there are some people out there who have mild forms of Asperger\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s (or autism) in which they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not that adept at social interaction. So they are very direct with what they say (because they don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have the ability to understand facial expressions or social cues). They therefore don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have any social tact. But they don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t act the way they do to be purposefully be mean\u00e2\u20ac\u201c it is just who they are as human beings.<\/p>\n
So once again, realize that everything you experience in life is not objectively \u00e2\u20ac\u0153good\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or \u00e2\u20ac\u0153bad\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c it is just what your internal filter thinks it is.<\/p>\n
My personal psychological trick is this: Always assume what others say (or do) towards you is positive. Assume that they are trying to help you, compliment you, or guide you in the right direction.<\/strong> While that might not always be the case\u00e2\u20ac\u201c sometimes fooling yourself can be the best strategy to deal with it, and also make you stronger and more confident in life.<\/p>\n6. Have you done (or thought) the same?<\/h2>\n
When I lived in Los Angeles, I often got cut-off in traffic by crazy drivers (switching 5 lanes at once). I used to have moments where I wanted to have road rage, but calmed myself down by saying: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t blame that guy, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve probably done something similar before.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Or who knows\u00e2\u20ac\u201c maybe the guy has a wife who is pregnant and is on the way to the hospital? You never know.<\/p>\n
Similarly, when someone ever says anything wrong or negative to you\u00e2\u20ac\u201c think to yourself: Have I ever done or thought the same to another person? Marcus shares with us this thought:<\/p>\n
**\u00e2\u20ac\u0153When someone wrongs you, ask yourself: \u00e2\u20ac\u2122What made him do it? Once you understand his concept of good and evil, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll feel sorry for him and cease to be either amazed or angry. If his concept is similar to yours, then you are bound to forgive him since you would have acted as he did in similar circumstances.** But if you do not share his ideas of good and evil, then you should find it even easier to overlook the wrongs of someone who is confused and in a moral muddle.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Takeaway point:<\/h3>\n
It is easy to see how others have wronged us, without reminding ourselves how we have wronged others.<\/p>\n
So the next time someone critiques your photos (and says something negative)\u00e2\u20ac\u201c think to yourself, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Have I ever critiqued someone else\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s photos in a negative way?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d If yes, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be offended by the criticism of someone else.<\/p>\n
If you ever have someone yell at you (either on the streets while you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re shooting, or from a spouse or friend) ask yourself, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Have I ever yelled at a random stranger on the street for being an idiot, or to someone I love?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Similarly\u00e2\u20ac\u201c (and this is huge) ask yourself: do you, yourself feel comfortable being photographed in the streets by a stranger and a camera? If the answer is \u00e2\u20ac\u0153no\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c perhaps you should rethink about why you expect others to feel comfortable of you taking candid photos of them in public.<\/strong><\/p>\nWe should ultimately treat others how we would like to be treated, and similarly\u00e2\u20ac\u201c expect others to react the ways we would react. Furthermore, we shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be angry or upset for others reacting the way we would react (in a similar situation).<\/p>\n
I think at the end of the day, we are all much more similar than dissimilar. By learning how to realize that we are all coming from the same place, we can better learn how to empathize with others, their feelings, and the way they see the world.<\/p>\n
7. Respect your own opinion<\/h2>\n“Go on abusing yourself, O my soul! Not long and you will lose the opportunity to show yourself any respect. We have only one life to live, and yours is almost over. Because you have chosen not to respect yourself, you have made your happiness subject to the opinions others have of you.”<\/strong> – Marcus Aurelius<\/p><\/blockquote>\nI think it takes a lot of courage to stand up for your own opinion, your own thoughts, your own art.<\/p>\n
I think when we become too concerned what others think about us and our work\u00e2\u20ac\u201c we start to water down our message and our vision. We start to pander to the masses.<\/p>\n
Steve Jobs once famously said that the reason that he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t do market research when making new products was that people didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what they wanted until they saw it. There is a story of Henry Ford saying something like, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If I asked people what they wanted, they would have wanted a faster horse.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d When Bill Cosby was asked what the secret to success was, he said something like, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what the secret to success is\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but I know what it isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t\u00e2\u20ac\u201c trying to please everybody.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
We need to stand up for our thoughts, our beliefs, and our vision. We need to have courage to stand up for what we are trying to do, and not just try to create art to please others. First we need to please ourselves, and stick true to our own vision. Then if others happen to like it, so be it.<\/p>\n
Takeaway point:<\/h3>\n
If you create art though your street photography that pleases others, but doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t please you\u00e2\u20ac\u201c then what is the point? Stay true to your own opinion of yourself and your work, and let others form their own opinion.<\/p>\n
And as Andy Warhol once said, while others are too busy judging whether your work is good or not\u00e2\u20ac\u201c keep producing more work.<\/p>\n
8. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t do as they do<\/h2>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153The best revenge is not to do as they do.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d – Marcus Aurelius<\/p>\n
Often when I get criticized by others that my photography, blogging, or whatever sucks\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I immediately get defensive. I want to yell at them, look at their work and tell them that their work sucks, and spew negativity back at them.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
However that is the wrong approach. I think I once read a quote that said revenge or harboring negativity or grudges against somebody is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person dies.<\/p>\n
Also as Jesus said, if someone hurts you, simply turn the other cheek.<\/p>\n
I think whenever we get criticized negatively or wrong is done unto us, we should take Marcus Aurelius\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 advice and simply not do as they do.<\/strong> That is the best revenge.<\/p>\nThe more negative things we do unto others, the more negativity brews inside our own hearts. This ruins our own life and perspective of the world.<\/p>\n
Takeaway point<\/h2>\n
When it comes to street photography, when someone negatively criticizes your work\u00e2\u20ac\u201c don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t become immediately defense and criticize their work back. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t start a flame war, or a circle of negativity. Rather, thank them for their feedback, however negative it may be, or simply don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say anything back at all (just ignore it and don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t respond).<\/p>\n
I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve found the more you try to fight criticism and trolls, the more you are pouring gasoline on the fire. The best way to extinguish it is to let the fire die out by itself, by not giving it additional fuel or oxygen to survive on.<\/p>\n
9. Appreciate negativity as a chance to practice patience<\/h2>\n
For the longest time, I used to be scared of being negatively criticized. I feared the hate and vitriol that would come from my articles, the photos I took, and the thoughts I shared. I would fear publishing things because I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to be judged or negatively critiqued.<\/p>\n
However over time, I have begun to actually appreciate and look forward to negative criticism. After all, sometimes what people say does have some truth (or I can learn from their negative feedback). Other times, I see the good in negative feedback and hate\u00e2\u20ac\u201c that it gives me an opportunity to practice patience.<\/p>\n
Marcus Aurelius shares this thought: the importance of being calm (even when you are being attacked):<\/p>\n
“Live freely and joyfully even if you are surrounded by those who plot and shout against you, even if wild beasts claw away the soft clay that encases you. In the midst of all of this, what prevents the mind from remaining calm, sizing up the situation correctly, and seizing whatever opportunities present themselves?<\/strong>\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nMarcus expands by sharing that every situation is a chance to practice patience and virtue:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Now your theoretical judgement will say, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcThis is the reality of the situation regardless of what others may think or say,\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 and your practical sense will say to the opportunities that arise, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcThere you are. I was looking for you.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 For every moment provides us with opportunities to exercise the virtues of neighborliness and thought<\/strong>, or in other words, to practice the art of being human and divine. All that happens is of use to gods or men; nothing is new or unmanageable; everything is familiar and serviceable.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\nTakeaway point:<\/h3>\n
Whenever in real life, or in the photography world, that someone gives you negative feedback or criticism- first of all don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take it personally. Take a step back, look at what they say and ask yourself, does anything they share have a basis in truth? Is there anything I can learn from their thoughts and feedback?<\/p>\n
If what they do say truly has no value\u00e2\u20ac\u201c think of those situations as a chance to practice your patience. I think having patience isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t something inborn. Rather, it is like a muscle which we must train everyday.<\/p>\n
So appreciate getting negative feedback. Honestly, I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t start getting any negative feedback on my photography or my work until I started to get more popular and well-known on the Internet. Before that, I would just get pats on the back or even worse\u00e2\u20ac\u201c no feedback at all.<\/p>\n
Once you start getting negative feedback on what you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re doing \u00e2\u20ac\u201c take it as a good sign.\u00c2\u00a0 It means you aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t making boring photos. You are making work that affects people (in a positive or a negative way)\u00e2\u20ac\u201c that touches their heart somehow.<\/p>\n
Appreciate negativity, but don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t harbor it in your heart.<\/p>\n
10. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t respect the opinions of those who don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t respect themselves<\/h2>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do you covet the praises of someone who three times every hour curses himself? Do you hope to please the person who isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t pleased with himself?<\/strong> Is he pleased with himself who regrets nearly everything he does?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d – Marcus Aurelius<\/p><\/blockquote>\nI know a lot of photographers who are insecure or dissatisfied with their own photography (or life) and tend to take it out on others.<\/p>\n
Another excerpt from Marcus which further nails this point:<\/p>\n
“He attaches no importance whatsoever to the praise of these men, who can find no reason to praise themselves.”<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\nBefore we take the negative feedback and criticism from others, ask yourself: is this photographer who is giving me feedback pleased with his\/her own photos? If not, simply ignore what they have to say.<\/strong><\/p>\nI have another simple rule: I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take the opinions of others seriously unless I like their photos.<\/strong> Why should I care about the opinion of other photographers if I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think they are making good work? If there is a Magnum photographer (whose work I greatly admire) criticizes my work, I will respect that and take their feedback into account.<\/p>\nHowever if a photographer (who uses an anonymous pseudonym) critiques my work, doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have the courage to use their own real name, and has no skin in the game\u00e2\u20ac\u201c they are merely cowards (they are insecure about their own work), and I should ignore them.<\/p>\n
Similarly, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really care about the opinion of art critics or curators (who either aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t photographers or shoot street photography)I because if they don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t shoot street photography, they don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know how difficult it is, the experience of shooting it, so they don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really know what they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re talking about.<\/p>\n
Takeaway point<\/h2>\n
Ultimately I do think that everyone has the right to their own opinion. I think critics and curators have a very important rule in society and the art world. However, for myself personally\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really take their feedback seriously (unless I like the photos they themselves have shot).<\/p>\n
So here are some practical rules:<\/p>\n
\n- A) Ignore the feedback from anybody if they don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t use their real name (they have no skin in the game, and are simply cowards who are insecure about their own work).<\/li>\n
- B) Only truly care about the feedback on your work from others whose work you like.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
11. Be an everflowing spring of positivity<\/h2>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153So what if they can kill you, hack you to pieces, hunt you down with curses. How can this keep your mind from being pure, sound, temperate, and just? If a man were to stop beside a limpid spring of sweet water and start hurling insults at it, would it suddenly cease to flow?<\/strong> Even if he threw mud and excrement into the stream, it would soon dissolve and wash away and leave no taint or stain. How then can you possess an everflowing spring? By using the freedom you already possess to imbue your character with compassion, simplicity, and modesty.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d – Marcus Aurelius<\/p><\/blockquote>\nAs Marcus Aurelius mentions\u00e2\u20ac\u201c imagine yourself like being a stream of pure and water\u00e2\u20ac\u201c constantly flowing out. Even though people might throw shit into your stream of water, sooner or later\u00e2\u20ac\u201c all of that shit will be washed away. Furthermore, the stream of water would keep on flowing.<\/p>\n
I think it is really hard to deal with negativity in the world\u00e2\u20ac\u201c especially when it feels like it is being hurled at you from every single direction.<\/p>\n
However remind yourself that you have the ability to stay positive, compassionate, and loving regardless of how the outside world treats you. Imbue your mind with constant kindness, and don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t forget this visualization exercise.<\/p>\n
Takeaway point:<\/h3>\n
If people are constantly being negative around you, know that they can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t change your core\u00e2\u20ac\u201c who you are. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t fight negativity with negativity (fighting fire with fire) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c rather, extinguish the flames of negativity with everflowing positivity (sweet water).<\/p>\n
When this applies to photography or life\u00e2\u20ac\u201c know that at the source you are pure. Their insults won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t change who you are as a photographer or person.<\/p>\n
So for example, if people say your photography and work is shit\u00e2\u20ac\u201c just stay positive, and keep producing images. Your work will soon wash away all of their negativity and criticism.<\/p>\n
Similarly\u00e2\u20ac\u201c your work actually might be pretty good. But people say it is shit. But it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t change the fact that your work is good \u00e2\u20ac\u201c it is simply someone else\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s opinion of your work.<\/p>\n
Keep flowing that sweet water and positivity.<\/p>\n
12. They might already regret what they said<\/h2>\n
Have you ever said something you regretted\u00e2\u20ac\u201c or didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean to say? I know I have, which has caused pain and a world of hurt. I often hurt my friends, family, and loved ones unintentionally\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and afterwards I greatly regret the way I framed the phrase, or how mean I was.<\/p>\n
So another mental exercise you can have when someone hurts or offends you: imagine that person is already regretting what they said (and are beating themselves up for it). Marcus Aurelius shares his thoughts:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153When someone gives you the impression of having erred, ask yourself, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcHow do I know that what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s done is wrong?\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 And if he really is guilty of wrongdoing, how do I know that he isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t already reproaching himself for it and isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like a man slapping his own face?<\/strong>“<\/p><\/blockquote>\nFurthermore, if there are people out there who are truly negative and critical who want to tear you down\u00e2\u20ac\u201c expect them to continue to do so. Not expecting negative people to do negative things is like expecting babies not to cry, for dogs not to park, or for lemons not to be sour:<\/p>\n
“Wanting the wicked not to do wrong is like wanting the fig tree not to pro due a bitter juice in its figs, or babies not to cry, or horses not to neigh, or other inevitabilities not to occur. From someone with such a character, what else can you expect? If it bothers you, find a way of curing it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Takeaway point:<\/h3>\n
There is evil, pain, negativity, and unhappy people in this world. To not expect that kind of negativity in this world is foolish. We should always be ready everyday to expect those kind of people who try to tear you down.<\/p>\n
Similarly in photography\u00e2\u20ac\u201c there will always be negative people who dislike their own work, are unhappy people, and will try to find every fault in your work to tear you down and make you feel shitty. However once again, their negativity is just who they are as human beings (and photographers).<\/p>\n
There will always be a small percentage of negative people in a group of people (let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s say 5%) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and if you have a 100 people in a room, you have to expect at least 5 people to be negative, mean, or critical. So multiply that by millions\u00e2\u20ac\u201c so how can you expect there not to be a few hundreds of thousands of negative people out there, especially when there are internet forums where you can be anonymous and shroud your identity?<\/p>\n
Similarly\u00e2\u20ac\u201c a lot of these people who are really negative might constantly regret their actions. Their own self-esteem of themselves is so low that they perhaps can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help but be negative.<\/p>\n
So whenever someone criticizes you in a negative way and it hurts you\u00e2\u20ac\u201c imagine that they are already slapping themselves in the face for saying that hurtful comment to you.<\/p>\n
Of course, that might not be the reality\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but it is a practical psychological tool that will help us find more serenity in life.<\/p>\n
13. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t let your happiness be held hostage by someone else<\/h2>\n
If you had a million dollars, would you trust that to a stranger? Hell no.<\/p>\n
If you bought a brand-new Leica, would you trust it to a hobo in the middle of the streets? Hell no.<\/p>\n
If you had your happiness held hostage, would you trust that to a stranger (or worse, an anonymous troll on the internet?) Hell no.<\/p>\n
Know that ultimately you have the freedom of choice\u00e2\u20ac\u201c to be happy, to interpret other peoples\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 actions the way you want, and to live the life you want.<\/p>\n
Even though others might be cruel and mean to you\u00e2\u20ac\u201c you can still be happy.<\/p>\n
Marcus Aurelius shares some wise words\u00e2\u20ac\u201c that we don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want our happiness to be held hostage by someone else:<\/p>\n
“My neighbor\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s power to choose has no more to do with my freedom of choice than his breath and flesh. It matters not how much we are made for one another; the governing self in each of us is still sovereign. Otherwise, my neighbor\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s bad choices might harm me. God does not want my happiness held hostage by someone else.”<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\nTakeaway point:<\/h3>\n
Are you going to live your entire life trying to please others with your photographs (and not yourself)? Are you going to let your own opinion and happiness of yourself and your work be reliant on the mere mutterings or thoughts of others? Are you going to keep uploading images to social media until every person on the internet loves and admires your images?<\/p>\n
Why have your happiness held hostage by someone else? It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make any sense. If we went on a date with our spouse, would you trust your beloved children with some stranger with negative intentions? Hell no.<\/p>\n
Know that ultimately you have the power to control your own opinion of yourself, and your own happiness. Never give that power away.<\/p>\n
14. Teach by example with kindness<\/h2>\n
I sometimes see people on the internet giving (unnecessarily) harsh criticism and critique on photos. I think giving a constructive critique is immensely important to grow and develop as a photographer. However when one gives a critique simply to put someone down and make themselves feel better about themselves\u00e2\u20ac\u201c it is truly a sad sight.<\/p>\n
So if for one reason or another your photograph got negatively criticized online\u00e2\u20ac\u201c don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t go out and start criticizing (unnecessarily harshly) the work of others. Remember the golden rule of Jesus (and many other philosophers): treat others how you would like to be treated.<\/strong><\/p>\nSo if people are unnecessarily critical and just plain mean, do the opposite\u00e2\u20ac\u201c be positive and kind to others. Marcus Aurelius shares:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153If you can, change their evil ways by teaching them. If that doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t work, remember that kindness is a virtue you possess for this very reason.<\/strong> The gods themselves are kind to such men and sometimes even assist them in their efforts to become healthy or wealthy or famous. You can do the same. What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s stopping you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nSo if you see someone out there being unnecessarily critical\u00e2\u20ac\u201c don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just call them a dick in public. Rather, I think the best response is to be kind\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and simply re-direct positivity to other people. And if possible, perhaps privately messaging that negative person, and kindly telling them that what they are saying is hurtful, wrong, and improper.<\/p>\n
Marcus Aurelius (as an emperor) had a lot of negative detractors. He knew that his purpose in life was to be the most temperate, just, and wise emperor\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and that was his mission. The opinion others had of him wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t his business:<\/p>\n
He gives us practical advice how to deal with negativity\u00e2\u20ac\u201c to show other men the error of their ways (without being condescending):<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Does a man ridicule me? That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s his business. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s my job to make sure that nothing I say or do deserves to be ridiculed. Will he hate me? His business again. Mine is to remain gentle and well disposed toward everyone, ready to show even this fellow the mistake of his thinking, not in a scolding tone or with a show of forbearance, but graciously and genuinely like Phocian of old.<\/strong> This disposition should come from within, and a man should never be seen by the gods harboring resentments or complaints. What harm can come to you, as a man bent on making this world a better place, if you do what is keeping with your own nature and accept what is opportune for the whole of nature?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nBe full of love, be gentle, and don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t scold others. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t harbor resentments or complaints. Keep focusing on making the world a better place\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and spread the positivity.<\/p>\n
Takeaway point:<\/h3>\n
What people say or do is their own business. So if negative people are out there being negative (for no good reason)\u00e2\u20ac\u201c let them be. You can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t change the fact that there will always be negative people in the world.<\/p>\n
However if you have an opportunity\u00e2\u20ac\u201c perhaps you can try to gently correct the negative people their wrong ways. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t do this by being condescending, by pretending that you are more enlightened or anything\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but speak honestly, truthfully, and from the heart.<\/p>\n
Perhaps you can say something to your critic like, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Thank you so much for the honest feedback and critique. I really appreciate how you are trying to make me a better photographer. However maybe in the future when you are giving me or anyone else feedback, you could be a little less harsh? It would make your feedback a little more easier to digest. Thank you so much for understanding.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be resentful of negative feedback, or complain behind someone\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s back. Be upfront, honest, transparent\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and approach your critics with a compassionate heart.<\/p>\n
15. The world needs negative people<\/h2>\n
I hate mosquitos. Really hate them. Every time I go on a camping trip (or am traveling in Asia or the East-coast of America), I always get bitten. These damn little good-for-nothings. All they do is suck my blood, give me huge bumps, the worst itches, and don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t give anything back.<\/p>\n
However I once read something that if mosquitos didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t exist in the world\u00e2\u20ac\u201c there would be disorder and chaos in the world. Nobody knows 100% exactly why\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but in a complex world, a small change in the ecosystem could have catastrophic effects. It is like the butterfly effect\u00e2\u20ac\u201c going back in time and killing even one butterfly could change the effect of winds and lead to hurricanes halfway around the world.<\/p>\n
So similarly as a visualization exercise\u00e2\u20ac\u201c imagine negative people out there as mosquitos. They are annoying, unpleasant, give you itchy bumps\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but exist in the world for a purpose. Nobody knows exactly sure why, but the world needs mosquitos (and negative people).<\/p>\n
Even Marcus Aurelius said something along the lines\u00e2\u20ac\u201c that the world couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t exist without \u00e2\u20ac\u0153shameless people\u00e2\u20ac\u009d:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Whenever somebody\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shameless behavior offends you, immediately ask yourself: \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcCan there be a world without shameless people in it?\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Of course not. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t demand the impossible.<\/strong> This is just another one of those shameless people whom the world cannot be without. Keep the same questions handy for scoundrels, cheaters, and other kinds of wrongdoers. By bearing in mind that there are bound to be people like this, you will find individuals like this easier to endure.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nTakeaway point:<\/h3>\n
Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t demand the impossible. If you go camping (especially near a river)\u00e2\u20ac\u201c there will be mosquitos. You will be bitten. You will get bumps, and it will be itchy.<\/p>\n
But don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t let those mosquitos prevent you from having a bad time. You just have to be savvy. Swat them away when you see them, try to avoid them, and if you get bit\u00e2\u20ac\u201c just endure it, and remind yourself: the world cannot exist without mosquitos.<\/p>\n
Treat negative people and critics the same.<\/p>\n
In your photography, sooner or later you will have people say negative things about your work either in your face, or behind-your-back. It is impossible to expect this not to happen. And believe it or not, you will have negative people say things behind your back. This can even be close friends, family, co-workers, or loved ones.<\/p>\n
But still enjoy your camping trip (or the journey of life). Endure the little annoying mosquito bites, and know the world cannot exist without mosquitos and critics. But you can still have a great time.<\/p>\n
16. Consider the virtues you are born with<\/h2>\n
Ultimately we have 100% control of how we feel\u00e2\u20ac\u201c because we can control the opinion<\/em> we have of external events. For example, if someone says, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Your photo is shit.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I can either react several:<\/p>\n\n- a) \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Who the fuck does that guy think he is to negatively criticize my photos? His photos are shittier than mine! Fuck that guy.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n
- b) \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hmmm\u00e2\u20ac\u201c I guess it is true that it isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t my best photograph. He might think it is shit, I think it is half-decent. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think it is warranted that he called it shit, but I will take his feedback in mind\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and try to improve my photography.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n
- c) \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Whoa, that guy must be going through some serious personal issues. I feel bad for the guy. Perhaps I should message him and ask if everything is okay with his persona life and family.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
So you can see from the above example that although you cannot control the fact that the guy said your work was shit, you can change your interpretation of it.<\/p>\n
In example \u00e2\u20ac\u0153A\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c you just get angry and go into a negative feedback loop. In example \u00e2\u20ac\u0153B\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00e2\u20ac\u201c you take their feedback (in a somewhat positive way). And in example \u00e2\u20ac\u0153C\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c you realize that their negativity isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t a reflection of your own work, but their own depressed mental state.<\/p>\n
So always remember, reality is negotiable. You can control the way you see, perceive, and filter reality. Everything in the world isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t absolute\u00e2\u20ac\u201c it is all how you interpret the feedback, words, and sayings of others.<\/p>\n
Marcus Aurelius tell us to always remind ourselves\u00e2\u20ac\u201c think about the strengths and virtues we have against negative people, and remind that we have the power to always stay positive:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153At the same time ask yourself: \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcWhat virtue has nature given me to cope with this vice?\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 The antibody against loutish behavior, for example, is gentleness. Against every vice there is a power to combat it, and broadly speaking, you have the power to help any man find his way. The wrongdoer is, after all, merely missing his true mark and has lost his way. Besides, how has he harmed you? None of those with whom you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re upset has done a thing to impair your ability to think, and no evil or harm can come to you except your thinking let it.<\/strong>\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nTakeaway point:<\/h3>\n
Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t let the negative feedback and words of others turn you into a negative person, and fall into a spiral of negativity. Rather, try to find the positivity out of negativity\u00e2\u20ac\u201c or simply feel bad and compassionate towards people who do harbor a lot of negativity in their hearts.<\/p>\n
Realize that everything others say to us is just our interpretation of it. If we interpret their words positively\u00e2\u20ac\u201c it will help us. If we interpret their words negatively, it will harm us.<\/p>\n
You choose.<\/p>\n
17. Fault yourself (not others)<\/h2>\n
It is a pretty tough existence to live your life thinking that your own happiness is reliant upon others, and to constantly see the fault in others.<\/p>\n
Once again, know that everything is in your own control. Your own opinions of yourself is how you construct and see the world.<\/p>\n
Therefore never blame another man (for anything). Always blame yourself.<\/p>\n
But don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t blame yourself in the sense that you will just self-criticize yourself in a negative way, and beat yourself up. Rather, blame yourself in a positive way\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and try to improve your own interpretation of events. See your own faults, and try to improve yourself.<\/p>\n
For example, if you have an idiot negatively criticize you (out of ignorance) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t fault or blame them. Rather, blame yourself for failing to anticipate that the idiot will not act idiotically. It is foolish to expect idiots not to act like idiots. Marcus Aurelius shares his thoughts:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s so bad or surprising about the ignoramus who acts out of his ignorance? Find fault instead with yourself for failing to anticipate his offensive behavior.<\/strong> Your ability to reason should have told you that he would misbehave, but you refused to listen and now shocked by his misbehavior.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nFurthermore, whenever you tell a personal secret to someone who you know gossips a lot\u00e2\u20ac\u201c how can you fault them for telling your secret to someone else? You should blame yourself for trusting that secret to that person in the first place:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Indeed, whenever you feel inclined to blame someone for deceit or ingratitude, turn the accusation upon yourself.<\/strong> Obviously, the fault lies with you if you trusted a liar to keep his word, or if you did a good deed with some string attached and without expecting the doing of the deed to be its own reward.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\nTakeaway point:<\/h3>\n<\/blockquote>\n
If you have a practice of never blaming anyone else \u00e2\u20ac\u201c you put control into your own hands (in all situations).<\/p>\n
\n- If someone negatively criticizes you, and you become upset\u00e2\u20ac\u201c blame yourself for not expecting negative criticism (and resolve to build resilience).<\/li>\n
- If someone yells at you for taking his\/her street photograph and you are hurt or offended, blame yourself for not anticipating someone to ever yell at you in the streets (it will happen sooner or later).<\/li>\n
- If you submit one of your photographs to a competition and you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t win, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be upset that the judges are idiots and have poor taste. Blame yourself of expecting to win \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and realize that so much of judging is subjective (I can say from personal experience).<\/li>\n
- If your camera breaks, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be upset at the camera manufacturers. Blame yourself for not anticipating for your camera to break, and not having a backup.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Everything is in your control.<\/p>\n
18. Focus on the present moment\u00e2\u20ac\u201c nothing stands in your way<\/h2>\n
Happiness shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be something that you can someday attain in the far future. It is something you can obtain today\u00e2\u20ac\u201c right now\u00e2\u20ac\u201c in this present moment.<\/p>\n
I know a lot of photographers who base their happiness and life on conditionals. For example:<\/p>\n
\n- I will be happy once I get 100+ favorites on Flickr.<\/li>\n
- I will be happy once I get 10,000+ followers.<\/li>\n
- I will be happy once I have my photos exhibited in a prestigious gallery.<\/li>\n
- I will be happy once I have a book published.<\/li>\n
- I will be happy once I travel to Paris.<\/li>\n
- I will be happy once I have a Magnum photographer say that my work is good.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t base your life and happiness on conditionals. Rather, focus on the good things and happiness in the moment. Practice gratitude. So instead, you can change your thoughts to:<\/p>\n
\n- I am grateful that I am alive to experience life, and to be able to capture beautiful moments.<\/li>\n
- I am grateful because I have eyes that allow me see and perceive the beauty in the world.<\/li>\n
- I am grateful to own a camera that allows me to capture the beauty of the world.<\/li>\n
- I am grateful to live in a world in which social media allows me to share my photographs with the world.<\/li>\n
- I am grateful to have free time (even 10 minutes a day) to wander the streets and make photographs.<\/li>\n
- I am grateful to live in the unique city that I do, and that there are millions of photographic opportunities everywhere I go.<\/li>\n
- I am grateful for living in the time where the technology to make photographs exist.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
So practice an attitude of gratitude.<\/p>\n
Is it a misconception that happiness leads to gratitude. Rather it is the opposite way: gratitude leads to happiness.<\/strong><\/p>\nMarcus Aurelius shares in \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Meditations\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the importance that knowing that all the good things and happiness in the world exist in your power to obtain today<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153All the good things you want someday to attain can be yours today.<\/strong> Just get out of your own way. Put the past behind you and the future in the hands of God, and refer every present thought and action to piety and justice. To piety by being happy with the fate which nature crafted for you and equipped you for. To justice by speaking the truth freely and simply and by acting as the law requires and as each situation merits. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t let the wickedness of other men stand in your way, nor your own misconceptions, nor the opinions of others, nor the sensations of your overgrown flesh.<\/strong> Let each sensing part take care of itself.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nTakeaway point:<\/h3>\n
Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t let the negativity of others prevent you from being happy in this present moment. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t base your life on conditionals (\u00e2\u20ac\u02dconly if\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 statements). Rather, focus on the positive in your everyday life\u00e2\u20ac\u201c practice an attitude of gratitude, and you will obtain all the happiness in the world.<\/p>\n
19. Nine (more) strategies to deal with negative people<\/h2>\n
To conclude this chapter, Marcus Aurelius gives us nine wise observations and strategies to follow when we are dealing with negativity from others.<\/p>\n
1) Remember that we are made for one another, and that you were born to lead (in a positive way):<\/h3>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153First, consider the nature of your relationship to others. We are made for one another.<\/strong> Or from another perspective, I was born to lead, as a ram leads the flock or a bull the herd. Or\u00e2\u20ac\u201d returning to the original premise\u00e2\u20ac\u201d if not unthinking atoms, then intelligent nature governs everything, and the lower orders of creation exist for the higher, and the higher exist for one another.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n2) Get in the mind of the other person, and understand their motivations and perspective:<\/h3>\n“Second, what are they like at the table, in bed, and elsewhere? Above all, what actions do their opinions compel them to perform? To what extent are their actions motivated by pride?”<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n3) Ask yourself if what they say is right. If what they say is correct, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be offended:<\/h3>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Third, if what they do is right, you have no reason to be offended. If wrong, then it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s plan they act out of compulsion and ignorance.<\/strong> Just as no one is willing to be denied knowledge of the ruth, no one is willingly deprived of the power to treat others as they deserve. Are men not resentful if they hear themselves spoken of us unjust, insensitive, greedy, or in any way\u00c2\u00a0nasty to their neighbors?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n4) Remember that you can be negative as well (just like your critics):<\/h3>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Fourth, like them, you often do wrong yourself.<\/strong> Even if you refrain from doing certain types of wrong, your character is still bent that way, and only cowardice, fear of what others will say, or some other vile motive holds you back.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n5) Realize you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t always see the full-picture. How do you know what someone is doing or saying is truly wrong?<\/h3>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Fifth, you have no proof that they are doing anything wrong. Many things are done for reasons that are not apparent.<\/strong> A man must know a great deal before condemning another man\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s behavior.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n6) Remember that you soon will be dead, your feelings of negativity are a waste of time and energy:<\/h3>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sixth, when you are overwrought with anger or impatience, think how fleeting this life is<\/strong> and how soon you and your vexations will be laid out in the grave.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n7) It isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the words or actions of others that bother you, it is how you interpret them:<\/h3>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Seventh, it isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t what others do that troubles you. That is on their own consciences. You are bothered by your own opinions of what they do<\/strong>. Rid yourself of those opinions and stop always assuming the worst\u00e2\u20ac\u201d then your troubles will go away. How do you get rid of your opinions? By reminding yourself that you aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t disgraced by what others do. For unless only what brings disgrace is wrong, then you too are as guilty as a thief, and worse.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n8) The rage and negativity we feel does us more harm than the initial criticism (simply let things go):<\/h3>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Eighth, our rage and lamentations do us more harm than whatever caused our anger and grief in the first place.<\/strong>\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n9) Always remember to be relentlessly kind:<\/h3>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ninth, as long as it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s genuine and without condescension or pretense, kindness is irresistible<\/strong>. What can the most insolent man do if you remain relentlessly kind, and given the opportunity, counsel him calmly and gently even while he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s trying to harm you? \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcNo, my son. We are not created for this. I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be hurt in this way, but you are hurting yourself.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 In a discreet and roundabout manner, point out to him that the bees and other animals by nature gregarious do not act like this. Let there be nothing ironic or scolding in your tone, but speak with true affection and with no residue of resentment in your heart. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t lecture him. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t embarrass him in front of others. But address him privately even if others are present.<\/strong>\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nThank you Marcus for these words of wisdom. This is his parting words to us:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Commit these nine observations to memory; accept them as gifts from the Muses; and while you still have life, begin to live like a man. Avoid with equal caution flattering others as well as losing your temper with them. Both tear the social fabric and lead to trouble.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Some more advice from our homeboy Marcus on how to fight anger and stay patient:<\/p>\n
To ward off anger, keep these maxims handy:<\/p>\n
\n- There is nothing manly about petulance (being childishly bad-tempered).<\/li>\n
- Because they are more natural to our species, qualities like courtesy and kindness are the more manly<\/strong>. These qualities, not irritability and bad temper, bespeak strength and fiber and manly fortitude.<\/li>\n
- The freer the mind from passion, the closer the man to power.<\/li>\n
- Anger is as much a proof of weakness as grief.<\/strong> Both involve being wounded and giving in to one\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wounds.And lastly\u00e2\u20ac\u201c Marcus throws in a tenth freebie on how to deal with negative critics:<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/blockquote>\n
10) Always expect there to be negativity in the world<\/h3>\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153And if you like, take this tenth gift from Apollo himself, the leader of the Nine Muses: To expect the wicked not to sin is sheer lunacy.<\/strong> It asks the impossible. Similarly, to allow them to sin against others but not against you is both irrational and surpassingly capricious.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nConclusion<\/h2>\n
At age 26, I have dealt with a lot of negativity and criticism\u00e2\u20ac\u201c as a worker (when I worked a corporate job), as a lover, as a brother and son, as a photographer, and lastly as a human being.<\/p>\n
We cannot navigate this chaotic world without expecting to step on shit, without being stung by mosquitos, without getting sick, without stepping on a rock and twisting our ankle, without being accidentally elbowed in the back of the head, without being cut off in traffic, and certainly without people saying negative things about you (behind your back of in your face).<\/p>\n
So put on your armor of stoicism\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and get ready to face this tough, negative, and often painful world head-on.<\/p>\n
But let us do it with an armor of kindness, love, and compassion. Let us do onto others as we would like others to do unto them. If others treat us with negativity, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just fight fire with fire. Rather, douse those flames of negativity with love and positivity.<\/p>\n
Like what Gandhi said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Be the change you wish to see in the world.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Be a leading example of kindness, generosity, and love. Give others honest and constructive feedback out of trying to help others improve, rather than simply trying to put them down.<\/p>\n
Also know that a lot of negative feedback and criticism we gain in life can improve us. They can help us find our character (and photographic) flaws, and can ultimately help us become better human beings (and photographers). Not all the negative criticism we get is unwarranted or untrue. Some negative feedback (if taken with a grain of salt) can really help us\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and add some positivity into our lives.<\/p>\n
I hope these 19 stoic strategies can help you find happiness, contentment, and love regardless of the negativity or criticism you face.<\/p>\n
Always keep a smile on your face, be grateful of the world and others, and be positive. Be the ever-flowing spring of sweet water, and nothing will ever stain or harm you.<\/p>\n
Chapter #3: How to Focus on Your Life\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Work<\/h1>\n
There are so many distractions out there. We live in an age where it is almost impossible not<\/em> to be distracted.<\/p>\nOur phones are constantly buzzing. We see thousands of advertisements a day that are vying for our attention. We are bombarded with emails from spammers, we are bombarded with notifications, we are bombarded by new technologies that promise to make our lives more \u00e2\u20ac\u0153efficient\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153optimized.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
I read something online that the average office worker is interrupted every 20 minutes\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and it takes an average of 20 minutes for a worker to re-focus on work.<\/p>\n
Many of my friends who work in the corporate world complain of constantly being texted, IM\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d, emailed, and sucked into meetings at work\u00e2\u20ac\u201c which prevents them from getting any \u00e2\u20ac\u0153real\u00e2\u20ac\u009d work done. (As a side note\u00e2\u20ac\u201c Paul Graham has an excellent essay on managers versus creative time schedules which I highly recommend).<\/p>\n
I think focusing is easy\u00e2\u20ac\u201c only if we have no distractions. But how do we escape distractions and focus on the work which is truly meaningful to us?<\/p>\n
Focus \u00e2\u20ac\u0153via negativa\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/h2>\n
The first concept is \u00e2\u20ac\u0153via negativa\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c in which cutting out distractions help you be more focused (than trying to add time-saving and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153efficiency\u00e2\u20ac\u009d applications).<\/p>\n
The way you can focus on your photography projects is simple too: remove all distractions. Remove extraneous lenses and cameras from your collection. Remove all your extra lenses and cameras until you are down to one camera and one lens. Then when you are shooting your project, you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to make the decision of which camera to use. You only have one.<\/p>\n
Similarly, you can remove all other variables. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t shoot both black and white and color\u00e2\u20ac\u201c just focus on one or the other. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t shoot film and digital\u00e2\u20ac\u201c stick to one. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t shoot more than one type of film\u00e2\u20ac\u201c stick to one film.<\/p>\n
Are you busy and don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have enough time to shoot? It is impossible to find<\/em> more time to shoot. We can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just create free time. However, it is easy to cut back on obligations\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and remove extraneous meetings, social functions, and any other time-sucks. Once you remove appointments from your day and certain obligations\u00e2\u20ac\u201c you will find yourself with a lot more free time.<\/p>\nIf you spend more time on social media and not enough time actually shooting\u00e2\u20ac\u201cperhaps you should remove all social media from your diet\u00e2\u20ac\u201c which will leave you attention to shoot.<\/p>\n
If you find yourself jumping from one project to another and not being able to focus on one project\u00e2\u20ac\u201c eliminate all other projects you are working on, except the one project you are truly passionate about.<\/p>\n
To take this \u00e2\u20ac\u0153via negativa\u00e2\u20ac\u009d strategy even further\u00e2\u20ac\u201c if you want to become a better photographer, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t look at bad photography (only focus on looking at great photography through photo books). Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t associate yourself with photographers who are obsessed with HDR, selective-color, bokeh, camera gear, etc. Surround yourself with passionate photographers.<\/p>\n
Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t rely on getting honest feedback and critique from a bunch of random people online. Cut that back to only 1\u00e2\u20ac\u201c3 people you really trust to get feedback from. And make sure that the feedback you get is in-person.<\/p>\n
It is great to be inspired by lots of different photographers\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but try to also limit the sources of inspiration you get. I think it is better to really know the work and be inspired by 3 photographers, rather than getting a little bit of inspiration from 30 photographers. Less is more.<\/p>\n
Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s take this further. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t shoot at all times of the day\u00e2\u20ac\u201c only shoot during similar times. So if you want dramatic light and shadows, only shoot at sunrise or sunset (or don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t shoot at all). If you want more flat light, only shoot when it is cloudy outside to have consistent images.<\/p>\n
Also when it comes to editing your photos (selecting your best ones) \u00e2\u20ac\u201c don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t try to show all your images. Less is more. Cut down the photos you decide to show. Only choose around 1 good photograph a month that can make it into your future book, exhibition, or project. You will add to your project by subtraction.<\/p>\n
How to focus on your work: a Stoic approach<\/h2>\n
Marcus Aurelius gives us some great practical advice in \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Meditations\u00e2\u20ac\u009d when it comes to focusing on our life\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s work, and not being distracted by others.<\/p>\n
What does Marcus Aurelius have to teach us? I have collected a selection of quotes from him from \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Emperor\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Handbook\u00e2\u20ac\u009d (a modern-day translation of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Meditations\u00e2\u20ac\u009d) and hope these can apply to your photography (and life):<\/p>\n
1. Ignore gossip<\/h2>\n
Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s admit it\u00e2\u20ac\u201c we love gossip. We love gossiping about our friends, relationships gone awry, and there is never shortage of gossip when it comes to entertainment magazines or blogs.<\/p>\n
As human beings we are hard-wired to gossip. Gossiping is one of the best ways to spread information about one another. It serves a social purpose\u00e2\u20ac\u201c who to trust and who not to trust. I think gossiping served as a survival mechanic in human beings, and it still helps us navigate our complex social lives today.<\/p>\n
However even though gossiping may be \u00e2\u20ac\u0153natural\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c it isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ideal if you want to focus on your life\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s work (which is photography). It is easy to gossip about other photographers and their work\u00e2\u20ac\u201c while ignoring our own.<\/p>\n
Personally, I have found it difficult to restrict myself from gossiping about others. After all, I am a human being too\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and I always love hearing the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153latest dirt\u00e2\u20ac\u009d on the lives of other photographers, what they are up to, and even the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153beef\u00e2\u20ac\u009d they have with other photographers. Believe it or not\u00e2\u20ac\u201c there is a lot of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153drama\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in the street photography community (I wish there wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t).<\/p>\n
However I am starting to realize that the more I listen to gossip, the more it distracts me from my own life\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and focusing on my own photography. Marcus Aurelius shares this quote on the importance of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153turning a deaf ear to gossip\u00e2\u20ac\u009d:<\/p>\n
“My tutor taught me not to take sides in circus contests, to love hard work, to limit my desires, to rely on myself, and to keep my nose out of other people\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s affairs, and turn a deaf ear to gossip.”<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\nAnother quote from Marcus Aurelius\u00e2\u20ac\u201c in terms of not worrying what others are saying, doing, or thinking\u00e2\u20ac\u201c and focusing on your own destiny:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153He never\u00e2\u20ac\u201c except to achieve some great good on behalf of others\u00e2\u20ac\u201c worries about what someone else might be saying, doing, or thinking.<\/strong> He minds his own business and keeps his gaze fixed on the pattern of his own destiny, making sure that he performs his work well and believing that his fate is good since it is subject to the universal good.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nTakeaway point:<\/h3>\n
As an experiment\u00e2\u20ac\u201c try to go a week (or better a month) without gossiping about other people. See how it will make you less judgmental, more open-minded, and more loving and compassionate about other people.<\/p>\n
Treat others how you would like to be treated. Do you like it if other people gossip negative things behind your back? If not, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t gossip about others. That won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t necessarily stop others from gossiping about you\u00e2\u20ac\u201c but it will prevent you from being distracted in the lives of others, and to focus on your own life, photography projects, and mission in life (whatever that may be).<\/p>\n
2. Follow your heart<\/h2>\n“Nothing is more pathetic than feverishly circling the earth and \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcprobing into its depths,\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 as Pindar puts it, to guess what other people are thinking, while all the time failing to realize that one only needs to attend to the inner spirit and to serve it with unswerving devotion.”<\/strong> – Marcus Aurelius<\/p><\/blockquote>\nI sometimes think to myself: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I wish I could think what others are thinking. If I could understand their thoughts, I can prevent from being ripped off, from being cheated to, from being lied to, and to avoid misery.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
However no matter how hard we try, how many psychology and self-help books we read, and time we spend\u00e2\u20ac\u201c we can never truly 100% understand the mind of another person.<\/p>\n
But what is the point of spending your entire life, energy, and resources to discover the minds of others? I think it is a much better investment to put that energy towards tending to our \u00e2\u20ac\u0153inner spirit\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and to serve it with \u00e2\u20ac\u0153unswerving devotion.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
We all have a mission and a calling in life. In terms of street photography, that might be capturing decisive moments, interacting with people on the streets, publishing your work as a book or online, constantly improving your craft, sharing your information and knowledge with others, or even teaching kids the art of photography.<\/p>\n
We only have a limited source of attention, energy, time, and money. I have read that our attention everyday is like a tank of gas. The more energy we expend doing activities\u00e2\u20ac\u201c the more fuel we run out of.<\/p>\n
So we might start off the day with a full tank of gas. But once we gossip about a co-worker over a coffee with another work-mate, you might be down to 80%. Trying to understand the motivations of your insane boss might drop your attention fuel tank to 60%. Trying to talk to the CEO to get a raise (you greatly deserve) might take your attention resources to 40%. After a long commute home, you might be down to 20%. And after cooking dinner, arguing with your spouse or kids, you might be down to 5%.<\/p>\n
Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t waste your energy as well worrying about what others are thinking. It is once again a huge distraction as Marcus Aurelius shares:<\/p>\n
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