ERIC KIM

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Why You Must Ignore Haters to Succeed and Win in Life

If you are pursuing your passion in life, there will always be people out there who hate you for it.

Video: Why You Must Ignore Haters to Succeed and Win in Life

What is a hater?

First of all, what is a ‘hater’?

A hater is someone who hates to see you pursue your passion in life, and because of their insecurities in themselves, they want to tear you down (to feel better in relation to you).

A hater often has mental issues of their own. Perhaps they were abused as a child. Perhaps they had a recent traumatic death in the family. Perhaps they want to (also) pursue their dreams in their life, but don’t have the confidence in themselves to do so.

The natural reaction is to hate the hater. My suggestion: Don’t hate the hater, rather– pity them (and ignore them).

Why you must ignore haters

First of all, the hater wants to see you fail. There is nothing the hater relishes more than seeing you pursue your dreams in life, and failing. Because once again, most haters also have dreams of their own, but haven’t been able to realize their dreams.

I know for myself, I have let the fear of what haters will say prevent me from putting myself out there. For example, when I started off in my photography entrepreneurial pursuits, everyone supported me. But the more popular I got, the more people started to hate on me. And before I was able to build a thick skin, I let the hate get to me. I would become paralyzed– I wouldn’t blog, publish photos, upload videos, or share my personal ideas, because I was afraid that others would hate on me.

Where does this fear come from?

As humans, we all desire to be loved, supported, and accepted by others. In the past, to be rejected by other humans or the tribe meant death. In today’s world, we still have the biological fear of being rejected by others. But fortunately in modern society, we will not starve to death or die by being ostracized by others.

Therefore, don’t feel like you’re defective for being afraid of haters. To be afraid of being hated on is normal.

However also realize the exciting truth:

It is possible to build a thicker skin, to overcome the fear of judgement of others.

How to grow a thicker skin

Some practical things I’ve employed to build a thicker skin:

  1. First, make fun of yourself: If you make fun of yourself, and point out all your flaws, when others criticize or make fun of you, you won’t feel any sting. For example, I make fun of myself all the time, and I don’t take myself too seriously. Thus when people do make fun of me, I don’t mind, because I’ve already made fun of myself.
  2. Build your physical strength: I’ve found that the more often I go to the gym, the stronger I get in my deadlifts, and the more I grow my muscles, I end up caring less of what others think of me. Why? My theory: elevated testosterone levels make me more self-assured in myself, and I end up caring less of what others think of me. I also feel a zen-like state of calm after an intense “1 rep max” session at the gym. Regardless if you’re a man or a woman, I recommend trying ‘powerlifting’ (squats, deadlift, benchpress) to build a thicker skin.
  3. Keep publishing: The more I publish, and the more I put myself out there, the more confidence I build in myself. And the more confidence I have in myself, it is a ‘positive feedback loop’ — I can keep publishing more, and promoting myself more.
  4. Treat the haters as a sign of success: If you’re a nobody, nobody is going to hate on you. Thus if you start getting haters, treat it as a sign of success.
  5. Realize you can minimize the sting of hate, but never fully remove the pain 100%: This is a big thing — realize that when others insult you or hate on you, it will always hurt a little bit. But realize, you can grow a thicker skin, and become less harmed by the insults of others. But even though you are an elephant, the sting of mosquitos will always be slightly annoying and painful.
  6. Study Stoicism: Stoic philosophy is probably the best way to overcome fear in life. I probably read Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus at least 20 times before I was able to fully absorb their lessons on becoming more confident and fearless in life.

Don’t be a hater, yourself.

Boston selfie, 2018

Also I find it essential that you must ask yourself:

“Have I ever hated on someone else?”

If so, stop hating on others.

We must NOT do unto others as we don’t like others doing unto us. Which means, if you don’t like others hating on you, don’t hate on others.

Flash Kyoto street photography umbrella night

Trust me, I am a hater as well. But whenever I catch myself criticizing others or hating on others, I bite my tongue and ask myself:

“Have I ever committed the same mistakes as others?”

99% of the time the answer is, “Yes.” Thus I have discovered it to be a lot more constructive to NOT hate on others, especially if I am a fallible human being.

As an experiment try not hating on anyone else for 30 days. Don’t say anything negative about anyone else, and see if this can help rewire your internal mindset in a positive way. The less negative thinking we have in our mind, the more positivity we can spread.

Be positive, be bold, and never doubt yourself.

ERIC

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