Practice Random Acts of Kindness

Downtown LA, 2015
Downtown LA, 2015

Ugh, I just woke up and haven’t had my espresso yet (fortunately it is being made right now).

Anyways— I wanted to share an idea that I had when I was rolling out of the couch today: practice random acts of kindness.

Sometimes it is the smallest acts of kindness which can really change someone’s life (or at least their day).

Let me give you some examples from yesterday:

I gave a free print to Michelle and Maurice two of the baristas at ilcaffe (been coming here every morning and they’ve been taking care of me). It is such a small gesture (a small 5×7’’ print costs not much) but brings so much joy and happiness.

Sometimes a random act of kindness is just to show compassion and to listen to somebody.

For example, I was shooting in Downtown LA with some of the students yesterday, and took a photo of a young woman juxtaposed against a man on the far right of the frame. She noticed me taking her photo, and went off on me. She really ripped it into me— she started to scream all sorts of obscenities to me, and was fuming. At first I thought, “Oh shit— this is going to turn out bad” and was tempted to quickly apologize and run away (what I usually do). However this time, I just stood there, didn’t make any excuses (or tell her what my legal rights were or whatever), but just stood there, nodded my head, and listened to her.

After about 15 minutes (yeah literally 15 minutes) she started to cool down— and then I agreed with her. Rather than saying that she was wrong, I said, “You are right.” She then had nothing else to say, and then I started to ask her questions in terms of what she thought I should do differently. She told me I should ask for permission (I often do) but at the same time she sympathized that a photographer would want to capture a candid moment.

I was there with several of my students, and believe it or not— by the end we ended up doing a impromptu photo shoot with her, with her laughing, and we totally made her day. She told us that she had a stalker haunt and fuck up her life the last several years— which made her paranoid when walking in the streets (I had no idea, of course).

Lesson of the story? Everyone goes through tough shit — and it is best not to fight with people on the streets. But to show love, compassion, and to listen to your subjects. And not only that— but to remember that the people who we photograph on the streets are fellow human beings— brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, not strangers.

Another thing that brought me a lot of happiness (by giving a random act of happiness)— giving away a free coffee.

After leaving the coffee shop yesterday, I got a coffee for my friend Jason, and got another coffee (just in case one of the students didn’t have a coffee yet). So I met the students in the morning and handed one of the coffees to Jason, and asked the rest of the students, “Who didn’t have their coffee yet?” Peter, one of the students, raised his hand— and I handed him the coffee. It was such a small gesture (and didn’t cost me much)— yet seeing his face light up brought me extreme joy.

Selfless giving?

I think unless you are a demigod, it is impossible to give without wanting to receive some sort of retribution.

For example, I love to give (when I see a sense of gratitude from the person I give to). I guess in a way this is a bit selfish— that I only give to have that “warm glow” after doing a generous act.

Apparently the only truly “selfless” way to give is to give to an ingrate (someone who actually despises you for giving to them). For example, if you gave a dollar to a homeless person and they said, “Fuck you— that’s all you’re giving me?” (this has happened to me, and pissed me off).

One lesson I learned from Seneca in his book “On Benefits” is that when you give to somebody, you should immediately forget that you gave. But when someone gives to you, you should never forget it.

Be generous with compliments

I am often called a “flatterer”— but I just love people and fashion. Whenever I see someone wear something that looks nice on them (cool sunglasses, watch, outfit) I like to just say, “I like your look.”

People spend a lot of time dressing up in the morning and putting on their faces. So when you give them some sort of acknowledgement, nothing makes them happier (to be acknowledged).

I never get complimented (or rarely) because I am a quite boring person. Generally I wear all black, and wear nothing remarkable. But when I do get a new watch, jeans, or shoes— I absolutely love it when people notice and compliment me.

A compliment costs us nothing. Why not be generous with it?

Even when I am approaching strangers on the streets to take their portrait I generally start off by complimenting them (“Oh my God, excuse me sir, you look badass, do you mind if I made your portrait?”) 99% of the time they say “yes.”

Even if someone isn’t “objectively” beautiful — they always have something beautiful about them to compliment. I’ve often met older men, and I just love the wrinkles in their forehead and the fire in their eyes. So I will say, “Excuse me sir, you look like you have one hell of a life story. Do you mind if I made your portrait?” What a fantastic compliment.

It is hard— you want to compliment people without being a flatterer— meaning, you don’t want to compliment only to get something from them. Often I walk in the streets (with my camera in my backpack) and just compliment people randomly. I do admit, I have complimented people in the past (disingenuously) just in order to take their photo. But people are good bullshit detectors— and could smell my fakeness from a mile away. Not only that, but it made me feel dirty afterwards.

Don’t do unto others and you don’t want others to do unto you

Downtown LA, 2015
Downtown LA, 2015

Everyday I am trying to be a less shitty (and less unethical person). I am no saint by any means— I am Catholic (But a pretty shitty Catholic)— I curse, I scheme, and I love money. I do a lot of things (and have done a lot of things) I am not proud about, but I am trying to do “God’s work”— and follow the path of Jesus (and also Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, and other saint-like people).

Generally we understand the golden rule as “do onto others as you would like them to do unto you.” However this reasoning is a bit flawed— because not everyone likes to be treated the way you like to be treated.

For example, I am an attention whore. I love being at the spotlight of a party, and I love attention. But not everyone does— my more introverted friends prefer to stay in the background, and chill and have more 1:1 personal conversations. I love being in a room with 100 people, and having small and brief chats with everyone. I also love “small chat” — whereas Cindy can’t stand it.

So let us take the opposite approach: “Don’t do unto others as you don’t want others to do unto you.”

We don’t know how others want to be treated, but we know how we don’t like to be treated.

For example, don’t be fake, don’t lie, don’t steal, don’t be mean, don’t take advantage of others, don’t be inauthentic, don’t be selfish, etc. We need to learn what not to do unto others (rather than what to do for others).

Even if you think about the 10 commandments— it is mostly about what not to do.

Now earlier I talked about “practicing acts of kindness” (which is generally a good rule). Yet at the same time, try to balance that with not doing mean things as well.

Ethics is tough. Ultimately if you can fall asleep at night and reflect on your days and think, “Today I did at least one act of kindness, and have been a slightly less selfish person” — I think you’ve done your job.

Practice your random act of kindness in photography

I think the biggest thing we want as photographers is honest feedback, critique, and attention for our photos.

So try to practice a random act of kindness by leaving a really detailed (4 sentence-long) critique/feedback/comment on a stranger’s photo (or a friend’s photo). I would rather give one really meaningful comment once a day, than 100 “nice photo!” comments.

Spread the love, because who knows— today might be your last.

Love always,
Eric

9:20am, at ilcaffe (this place rocks), with a “Hair bender” double-espresso (Stumptown), Sunday, Nov 22, 2015 in Downtown LA— listening to some nice jazzy music on the speakers here.

Random thoughts

0-la sweat contact

I met one of the baristas a minute ago (Diana) and I looked at her face and gave her a strange compliment.

I told her, “Do you mind if I gave you a strange compliment?” She said, “Uh…sure.” I then said, “You have a really great facial structure.” She laughed, and asked me what I did. I told her I was a photography teacher and then showed her some of my “street portraits.” Needless to say, she was flattered— but not in a disingenuous way (I think).

Another random thing— so I am trying to figure out what direction to take my photography. I enjoyed the second day of my advanced Downtown LA street photography workshop, and played around a bunch of cameras (Olympus OMD EM-5 Mark II, Leica Monochrom (new one), Leica M240, Leica M8, Lumix LX-7). Honestly none of them really struck me (except the Leica M8, which I borrowed from my friend Bil, which makes incredible black and white files— but is slow as hell). In-fact, the photo I shot at the beginning of this post was on the M8, with my free “Neopan 1600” preset (no other processing done to the RAW).

I was talking to my buddy Josh White, who has an Olympus OMD EM-5 Mark II— he suggested me get one as well. Apparently you can switch back the swivel-screen (so it is like you have no LCD screen)— which is cool. Apparently Alex Majoli also shoots with one. The Lumix 15mm lens is a 30mm “full-frame” equivalent which would be cool. But then again— the camera felt a bit too electronic for me, I prefer the analog german-steel of my film Leica MP at home.

Argh first world problems— too many cameras, too many problems.

Even if I stick with my film Leica, I wonder whether I should shoot color (Portra 400) or black and white (Tri-X). And if I shoot Tri-X, whether I should shoot at ISO 400 (processing is cheaper) or keep pushing to ISO 1600 (love the grain and contrast).

Anyways I have no idea— I just need to sit on this for a while. Thanks for your support for my random meandering.

Argh- starting to get a headache from perhaps from the coffee (or needing another coffee). First world problems.